I spend a healthy amount of time on Facebook. I enjoy reading about the latest "goings on" from friends and family and catching up with people I have not seen since grade school -- even if sometimes it is only to judge their poor fashion choices or to observe how rapidly they are aging. In spite of my obvious enjoyment for this social tool, I (recently) had to give my Facebook a thorough scrub down, nixing some rather neurotic mommies from my list of Facebook chums.
1. The 'Exaggerator'
You know the one. The mommy who contributes, "I only got four hours of sleep last night, my house is a mess and my life stinks," each and every day. Trust me; we get it. Life with little ones is rough. We have all been there, and we can all appreciate a post about your life sucking occasionally -- just not every day.
2. The 'Over-sharer'
I totally understand that you are excited about your 2-year-old doing his business in the potty for the sixth straight time in a row. In fact, I think your success in potty training is nothing short of an achievement dipped in rainbow colored awesome, worthy of timeless virtue sung by no less than four minstrels. That does not, however, mean I needed to see a picture of said "business" on Facebook.
3. The 'Competitor'
Whenever you post about your kid doing something that is less than delinquent in nature, this malevolent mommy jumps on your page to one up you. For instance if I post, "My kid just got accepted to (insert college of choice here) with a full ride scholarship," she replies with, "Well, that is just fantastic. Jeffrey got accepted to Yale last week and is paying for it with the money he earned overseeing his summer landscaping empire." -- And that is why she is no longer on my list.
4. The 'Expert'
There is always some yahoo on Facebook claiming to know everything there is to know on the subject of parenting. I would be completely OK with that if said "expert" did not have something say about everything I do when it comes to rearing my offspring. When I post a joke about scaring my 17-year-old, for example, I do not need a lecture about how bad that is for infants. I know that. That is why I waited 17 years after she was born to scare the dickens out of her (as opposed to 17 minutes).
5. The 'Gusher'
This woman's child could do no wrong. Even if he abducted a tribe of Pigmys and sold them on the Internet into human slavery, she maintains his saintly perfection. And she will tell you so, on Facebook, every day. Guess what? I saw that perfect kid smoking pot in the back of a truck last Thursday. She denied it was him and told me I was crazy. Thankfully, I don't have to hear about it anymore, because I deleted her from my list.
Now that my Facebook has openings for new mommies, interested?
How do you deal with irritating moms and dads on your Facebook?
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