Seeking a partner can feel impossible, especially when you're trying to fit your love into a list of must-haves. We're constantly told our next boyfriend has to be tall, dark, and handsome, that we'll find the one when we stop looking, and, worst of all, that opposites attract. We place ourselves in this hole, agreeing to date men who we have nothing in common with, because we accept that it's okay to date someone so unlike us. What that's really doing, though, is holding you back from finding love with someone who shares your interests and values, and, in turn, someone who will be interested in you and value you. Here are five reasons opposites don't attract:
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1. You Have No Compatibility: You would never even think to respond to someone on Match.com who wasn't compatible with you, so why would you do it in person? Dating and relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca suggests that you stay away from the lure of opposites. "Long-term relationships develop through finding experiences that you share with one another," Sedacca explains. "Those become the foundation that build into respect and a deeper, long-lasting love. Opposites may find initial attraction due to curiosity and stimulation, but differing perspectives on life are more likely to interfere with relationship success in the years ahead."
2. Differences Cause Problems: Sure, you may find it charming that your new man is in awe of your success as a businesswoman and that your successes surpass his own, but soon, his lack of ambition will start to wear on your motivated personality. Psychologist Carl Hindy, who specializes in marriage and relationship counseling, says this can become the biggest problem in a relationship. "You cannot have those qualities of the other person by dating or marrying them. Too often, the differences ultimately lead to different outlooks and different reactions, as well as communication difficulties and resentments."
3. You'll Compromise Your Values: The only way to (happily) stay with someone who is unlike you is to make constant compromises and reconciliations. "Chemistry may have brought you two together," says relationship coach Melanie Matcek, "but being aligned with lifestyle and goals are where the longevity in a relationship lies." If you're constantly making sacrifices to adjust to your partner's life, you'll be left with nothing of your own. Matcek adds, "Opposites may attract, and they also make the best divorce cases."
Related Link: When Do Opposites Not Attract?
4. It's Simply Physical: Some people take the phrase "opposites attract" to heart and look for someone who's their complete opposite -- even if only in superficial ways. Matchmaker Marla Martenson's clients look for someone that is their opposite in looks. "Most of my Asian male clients love tall, Caucasian women," she explains. "Often blondes or redheads love a guy with dark hair and eyes. But in fact, opposites don't attract when it comes to a relationship. Humans tend to look for traits in another that they have in themselves and also seek someone to enjoy the things that they like to do, whether it's traveling the globe, going to wine tastings, sharing the same religious beliefs, or being a dog or a cat person."
5. You'll Run Yourself Ragged: How impossible is it to please someone who's nothing like you? Stephanie Manes, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in couples therapy, shares, "When it comes to long-term relationships, we are looking for a true partnership, which requires cooperation and a best friend, who is usually someone we can relate to without much effort."Lori Bizzoco is the Executive Editor of CupidsPulse.com, a first-of-its-kind website that takes the latest celebrity news and repackages it to help singles and couples navigate their love lives. She is a sought after relationship and entertainment expert who has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Newsday, Chicago-Tribune, Working Mother, Woman's Day, Redbook, Parenting, and on Fox News, The Suze Orman Show, WebMD, Match.com, JDate, YourTango, and more. She's appeared in two books, 'No Excuses: 9 Ways Women Can Change How We Think about Power' by feminist icon Gloria Feldt and 'Cheat on Your Husband (With Your Husband)' by Andrea Syrtash. Today, CupidsPulse.com has more than one million unique visitors per month.