Once, you were inseparable. Your days didn't feel complete without hearing his voice or seeing his face. He made you feel special and loved. Then the relationship came crashing to an end. Whether you called it quits or he did, you never expected to be in this place. The joint future you envisioned is kaput.
It's natural to grieve when a love relationship ends. This person was special to you. Just as with a death, there can be an enormous sense of loss, longing, and regret after breaking up. Take it from your personal "Breakup Whisperer," many of us move on too soon resulting in what I diagnose as "Post Traumatic Love Disorder." When we move forward before we've healed from a past relationship we can end up feeling shattered and displaced.
This is not to say that you should be crying alone in a room until you're over it. However, you should give yourself a moment to mentally cleanse. When you're with someone, exchanging DNA and spending quality time, you can be energetically corded to them. Going from relationship to relationship without a moment to catch your breath can be a sign of love addiction.
So, how do you know when you're truly over your ex?
5. You feel flirty again.
When we're depressed the world looks like 100 shades of gray, and no, not in a good way. Then, when we are on our way to healing we experience rebirth. It's like things are coming back into technicolor. Many of my coaching clients describe the feeling of coming out of a breakdown that they weren't aware they'd experienced. That said, there's nothing like a little rebound loving to relight your spark. Be open to introductions.
4. You are telling a different story.
"He did this, then I said that." After a heartbreak our edition of what happened becomes our favorite thing to talk about. It's easy to fall into a sense of victimization, especially if a betrayal like infidelity is involved. When your default mode is no longer, "Let me tell you what happened to me..." you might be getting over your ex.
3. You don't want revenge... anymore.
You're no Dexter, but you've imagined 7 different ways to make that loser pay for what happened. The only reason you haven't exacted some kind of punishment on your ex is that you believe in karma; plus who wants to go to jail? Take a breath, bombshell. Everyone did they best they could with what they knew at the time. When you no longer fantasize about getting him fired, kidnapping his dog, calling his mom or telling all on Facebook, you've moved on.
2. You're no longer bawling.
Raise your hand if you've ever been curled up in a ball on your kitchen floor in tears. Yup. we've all been there at some point or another. Pain is inevitable if we live long enough. It's the suffering that's optional. If you can mention your ex without getting teary-eyed and you are no longer crying on a daily basis, you're probably on your way.
1. You forgive the past.
Forgiveness is the most powerful piece in the love puzzle. Who should you forgive for optimal healing? Forgive everyone. Forgive yourself and your ex. Forgive the circumstances. Let go of the hope, wish and idea that the past could have been any different. Okay it happened and it sucked. What's the lesson from the situation?
Final love coach analysis...
When a breakup happens, you should allow yourself to go through the full range of emotions. You have a right to be angry, sad or however you feel. De-friend him on social networks, sure, but slashing tires is not allowed -- except in your imagination. Be open to setups and meeting new people.
Yes, you've had your heart broken, but you're still your wonderful, beautiful self. As Pink once said, "So what? You're still a rock star!" The most important lessons of all? You are worthy of being loved and you are enough.
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