It's been my experience that every guys fancies himself a kissing pro but truthfully enthusiasm and confidence doesn't make up for know-how. Although I am currently "off the market," I've dated my share of frogs. A recent chat with a group of girlfriends opened my eyes to a surprising surplus of bad kissers. Our coffee meeting became a lunch date! My gal pals and I identified nine kissers we hate dating. Do you recognize any of these?
The Swirler: He fancies up his kissing technique with unpleasant tongue flourishes. He's on auto-French mode and feels the need to swirl even during a quick kiss. This guy's idea of variety involves swirling his tongue counter-clockwise instead of clockwise. His kissing technique is predictable and a bit strange.
The Swallower: When he goes in for a kiss, his mouth is wide open and his eyes are sometimes open and enlarged. You might feel smothered because this kisser encircles your mouth with his lips, forces his tongue into your mouth and clamps down on you. He took his CPR class a bit seriously and instead of making you feel like a wanton lover, you feel like a dummy. (CPR dummy that is.)
The Grinder: A bit of a "Swallower" and a "Swirler," this guy thinks the "force" is with him. His kisses are typically pressed down and he grinds his jaw when he puckers up. His heart might be in it but he's a bit too macho for some of us.
The Pecker: He's a skittish kisser. He plants a peck on your lips, cheek or forehead without any real commitment. This kisser keeps his lips closed and tight. Word to the "Pecker," it takes many pecks to get to second base. Amp up your game if you want to thrill our socks off.
The Slob: I hate kissing this guy. A little saliva is necessary for a juicy kiss but extraneous drool is just gross. Control your saliva please; I'm not a steak. Also, have a bit of a kissing game plan. Rubbing your wet lips wherever is also a turn off.
The Voyeur: This guy is fifty shades of strange. The occasional peek during a kiss is okay but kissing a lover who never closes his eyes makes us feel like we're the subject of some sort of experiment. Watching me while I kiss makes me nervous.
The Stinker: Thanks for stopping by the sub shop and munching on that garlic, meatball sub before kissing me. The "Stinker" has a breath problem and doesn't seem to know it. Crunch a mint, visit your dentist and please, abstain from smelly foods unless we're both partaking. Then we can share the stink.
The Nibbler: He's also known as the "Biter" and the "Lip Chewer." Whatever you call him, he's the guy who likes using his teeth on your face, lips or tongue. I'm sure some gals are into it but please ask first. The unexpected nibble might earn you a slap.
The Side Smoocher: Ugh! I hate this kisser. You've leaned in for a kiss at the wrong time. Instead of turning his face towards you and missing a few seconds of a football game, he turns his lips towards you. The side smooch is boring and definitely a half-hearted attempt. Please don't give us side smooches.
Did we miss anyone?
