Menopause Mondays: Fifty Shades of Menopause

Ellen Dolgen

Everyone has fantasies. Normally, we women keep them quiet, which has created the myth and lead many men to believe that women do not fantasize. E L James has debunked that theory with her best seller, Fifty Shades of Grey (and when I say debunk, I mean she's sent it to the landfill and incinerated it). In July, total sales of the series topped 20 million (after being released in just March of this year) matching the same sales record as the Stieg Larsson trilogy although it took that series more than three years to meet the same mark. In reading E L's so-called "mommy porn" this spring, I was immediately hooked. I also can't say "mommy porn" without a good chuckle.

Trust me (or ask my husband), I am not the type that wants to be told what to do - anytime, anywhere - so why did I find myself squirming with excitement on the airplane while reading about the "Red Room of Pain"? Yes, I was openly reading the second book, Fifty Shades Darker, on an airplane! The woman across the aisle from me was reading the first book. Immediately, we engaged in a lively conversation, only to be interrupted by the flight attendant as she walked by us taking drink orders, excitedly interjecting that she told her husband she wants all three books for her birthday. At one point, my inner Anastasia was exploding as I found myself wondering if my 6'2″ husband and I could fit into the absurdly tiny Alaskan Air bathroom. My inner libido was ignited - sparks were flying - my, oh my, this book is HOT! Fifty Shades of Grey turned me Fifty Shades of RED!

I'm thrilled that I found hormone happiness prior to reading this book because until I learned to manage my perimenopause symptoms, every titilating sentence would have been wasted on me and probably would have just annoyed me.

Menopause can take the boom out of us baby boomers, but there are ways we can channel our inner Anastasia more often. Women encounter several problems when they enter perimenopause and menopause, including vaginal dryness, depression, night sweats, hot flashes and weight gain. Even if you have a dashing Christian Grey of your own, all of these can contribute to yet another symptom of perimenopause and menopause: a crashing libido. Even if your shmirshky is in the desert, you can bet your mind will be under the covers in a silk nighty when you read this page-turner. While it is possible for your mind and your shmirshky to disagree on the desire for sex, there are steps you can take to get them on the same page again, working together for a common goal.

Track your symptoms in the Menopause Symptoms Chart on pages 168-9 of Shmirshky and be completely honest with yourself. If your problem is vaginal dryness, consider using lubrication for a quick relief, a vaginal moisturizer for a relief regimen, or speak to your Menopause specialist, so you can discuss the other options that are available to you. To find a perimenopause and menopause specialist, use our Menopause Doctor Directory. (The sisterhood has recommended these doctors.) Educate yourself by browsing through our rich collection of posts and resources on EllenDolgen.com. Then, you'll be prepared to review your health history and discuss your options with your specialist. Together, you can find the path that works best for you.

Whether your fantasy is to just feel "normal" again in dealing with your perimenopause and menopause symptoms or to be lassoed with a tie and spanked, prioritize your own needs, devise a strategy, and claim the life you want and deserve.

Remember: Reaching out is IN. Suffering in silence is OUT!

Tell me: Have you buckled up to get down with Fifty Shades of Grey the way these women did? Will you see the movie?

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