"Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse": Book Review

"Three Bedrooms, Two Baths, One Very Dead Corpse"
by David James
Kensington, 268 pp., $22
Reviewed by David Marshall James


Amanda Thorne isn't exactly a gay divorcee, but her ex is-- gay, that is-- yet they're still in love and chasing a murderer in Palm Springs, California, where they're both realtors.

Before proceeding: This review is neither an example of blatant self-promotion nor nepotism, although the author's name was admittedly an attention grabber. However, it's the nom de plume of mystery writer David Stukas, neither relation nor acquaintance.

Now: The mayhem reaches a pitch when Amanda-- trailed by a dozen or so eager real-estate agents-- discovers the body of a local environmental activist in a house that she's listing.

Because the deceased was deathly opposed, so to speak, to the development of the nearby mountains, he drew the ire of plenty of uber realtors, notably two aging she-dragons whose two favorite words are "Max" and "Factor."

Well, better make those follow the word "sold."

They emerge as the prime suspects, but are they too obvious (aside from their overwrought faces and killer rides)?

What about the activist's bimbo arm-candy, the one with the flashy rock and the Maserati?

How's about the realtor who's been snatching up mountainside property, betwixt and between the purchases of the dragon ladies? After all, he gave Amanda the evil eye.

This first novel holds plenty of promise for the development of a series, particularly in the laughs arena. Amanda never heard a four-letter bomb she didn't want to drop herself.

Same goes for her potty-mouthed neighbor, Regina Belle, an aged actress across the street from Chez Thorne whose cocktail hour commences promptly at ten-thirty. A.M.

Regina attempted to sleep her way to the top of Hollywood's Golden Era, yet she remained firmly on the bottom. So to speak. She continues to enjoy that position, thanks to Viagra and cataract-ridden paramours. She also dabbles in local theatre, at one point presenting Amanda with two tickets.

Why doesn't the reader ever get to "see" that show? Is Stukas/James saving it for another volume?

Amanda's "Murphy Brown"-esque live-in (well, outside, in a tent) contractor is repeatedly mentioned, but never actually appears. Maybe he's on hold for later, too?

The huge ha-ha's here are the result of Amanda's family back in Michigan, whom the reader encounters only in flashbacks. The Lithuanian grandmother takes the cake, along with the ice-cream and silver spoons.

The author must-- repeat, must-- move as many of this tribe as possible to the Oasis in the Desert. Amanda and her ex, Alex, make a fun and undoubtedly cute couple. Police detective Ken Becker exhibits potential.

Nevertheless, the funniest by far is the family that is obviously a thorn in Amanda's side.


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