Can you really be this jealous for so long? Does the possible chance for me to find success in the business world at this time in my life bother you to the point, that you couldn't bring yourself to help me? Can this really be rooted to the fact that I was even born? As if I had something to do about that. Did you really consider things when I came along five years after you were born? But not just that, on Mama's birthday! You didn't stand a chance. You were so resentful of me that on more than one occasion you tried to do me harm. You basically caused the accident that would render me incapacitated on the back porch, sporting a cast made of plaster covering my whole leg up to my hip. In those days that was real plaster used. It added about 20 pounds to my already small frame. The summer before starting kindergarten, I spent on the back porch watching everybody else run up and down the alley because I couldn't. I had to look at others make fun of me because I couldn't come out to play. I was even at the mercy of all of you when I had to use the bathroom because I had to be carried each and every time. I got passed it and Thank God there were no lingering effects from the surgery performed so long ago. You wanted to be so rebellious towards Mama and Daddy for having rules, that you were hell-bent on stretching them as often as you could. As I got older, I was designated as the person who could find you when no one else could. Truth is no one else looked. You used our Brother going into the Marines as an excuse, but just a couple of years prior, you stabbed him with a fork meant for bacon because he wanted sausage and you were given instructions to prepare my meal which included bacon. You reacted so harshly that the poor boy needed to go to the hospital and get a tetanus shot. You almost got away with it since Mama was out of town, until a copy of a hospital bill from Lutheran Hospital was sent to the house describing the charges in detail. Since no one spoke of the incident before it happened, and clearly Junior hadn't quite turned into the man he would become a few years later, he broke quickly. The penalty, "The Belt". That was the punishment handed down by Mama by proxy. Now even though Daddy was mad, he never wanted to deliver household justice. He left that for Mama who seemed to get delight out of it.
Now in the days of overexposure of reality television, I truly believe we would've made for interesting viewing. Now I don't want to sound totally insensitive as to how appreciative I am for what you've done for me over the years, funnier times were when I was younger and ballin' with Noodle and the Clark Brothers, and a few more had a team that ran all over the other teams in the league that summer. That was the beginning of my "shit talking" to opponents while I either hurt them with my off-balance passes, or deft jumpers from all over the court. Noodle was the enforcer, and with rivalries, it wasn't Rucker Park, but we could hold our own. Sometimes we would be met with resistance and threats if we won, but we played that all off, first because, you would get word to some of your friends who made sure nothing would happen to me, which would just make me want to turn that heat up on the opponents that day or night. If indoors the gym would be packed. As we ran up and down the court, people would try to get into our heads, but that made me want to inflict as much embarrassment as possible, because outside after the game when people stepped to us, you would step out with some of your boys while the others were strategically placed. Once the others found they were out-everything, it was like Moses parting the Red Sea, and of course with my smartass mouth, I would holler back till next time. But seriously, I wondered what was your motivation, fear having to explain to Mama what happened if you didn't have my back, or did you really care. Then it was confusing, but as the years moved on it became more apparent your motive.
In junior high school, if I had to stay after school, there would be a visitor you sent, to break me outta so-called detention prison. Poor Mr. Leinart, he would suffer the most because he felt that Friday afternoon would be the best time to get my attention. But you were in High School cheerleading and I couldn't miss Edmondson and their opponents. Who knows a fight probably ensued after the game, and the weekend would be off to a helluva start. But of course we couldn't tell Mama and Daddy if anything broke out because then you would suffer the worst. Eventually Leinart would contact home and explain how I was broke outta detention jail so once the story had its spin, you still received the worst of the punishment. I believe that period made you re-evaluate your relationship with Mama, and this is when you felt you had to take a stand and really start rebelling. The problem is their were rules and regulations, set forth that you tested to the max, and you thought that Daddy would see your side of the story against Mama............WRONG! And all Mama ever wanted for you was to give your maximum effort and don't have a bunch of babies out of wedlock and stunt your potential. You've told many who would listen, that academically you were on par with me taking enrichment and college prep courses, but who am I to burst anyone's bubble to make themselves look better than what they actually were. My High School years were still like the past, me and the boys starting running out Catonsville and taking their women, and that was met with resistance. This was a long standing feud with Catonsville and Edmondson Village. Even before Junior.
When I went into the army after High School instead of going to college, there would be times that some of the boys got hemmed up on occasion, but to their credit, they never punked out, it was just those guys would be coming outta the woodwork. Once TJ got hurt badly, with a big gash under his eye. Shit was on then. Informants even would come to see you and tell who was involved, first thinking I was involved somehow, but I was away down in Georgia, but they made sure you knew they were apologetic and hoped that TJ would not suffer any lingering effects. Once people snitched or each other, we dealt with them in ways they never knew was coming. TJ's Dad was a Bus Driver who would pick some up out in Catonsville and bring them into the city as far as Edmondson Ave and Allendale St. He would get off the bus go to the phone booth there on the corner and call whomever who was available to say he set one up. Needless to say they got dealt with. Good times, we handled things like MEN, with our fists, not like some pussy grabbing a gun and discriminately shooting where innocent people could be caught in cross fire. You took your ass whipping and wither squashed it, or came back another time. See those Catonsville boys like to feel as though they were tough when they got some Richards Wild Irish Rose or Thunderbird coupled with some weed up in em. It didn't change outcomes because we were athletes, and if you had to handle some business, you needed a clear head, especially to go upside some bodies head. Ok years went by, urban myths subsided, but we still couldn't stay away from those women from Catonsville. Hell I still hadn't met my second wife yet, but I knew her Brother intimately from kicking his ass repeatedly in my sister's apartment. I gave him credit; he took em like a Man! You still protected me from beefs I found myself into by calling on still your friends and at times your son-in law. Don't get me wrong, I had gotten out of the Army and Fear wasn't an option, but if I knew one thing, "You don't go into somebody's back yard, it's best you make sure the arithmetic was close to even", and there would be no going back. I was getting older and I didn't grow up trying to act like some gangster. I should've applied myself more because of the talent exhibited at a very young age. I wanted to keep the good times going, even after the set-up pregnancies, more on that at a later time. Most families would even support drug addicts more than you supported me, because they knew of it being a sickness. They didn't turn their back on them when they needed them most. It just seems to me that if anybody other than you enjoys new found or sustained happiness, it's counterproductive to you. You know you didn't make the best chances in your love life, and their spawn produced with one exception are not the stuff to be proud off. You would take shots at my off-spring for the most part because of who their mother is. But YOU introduced me to her.
What would bother you more to know that your kid wasn't shit and to know their offspring wasn't far from them? They don't respect you; you've suffered the ultimate betrayal in finances to make you claim bankruptcy, identity theft, had bomb scares called in from your house by your dumbass grandchildren. I'm sure out of all that you can be proud of. Your phone number is used for bill collectors who they try to evade, not asking permission to use your number, nor just facing whatever situation they got themselves into and face them themselves. 2 things I could never go to you about, advice on affairs of the Heart, nor financial advice. And yet you always complain that if you get in a bind no one comes to your help. I've told you many times of your convenient amnesia. You hang so close to S because you hope to reap benefits without having to do much if any work. You've always been that way. You find that working in Customer Service is a "Pussy Job", even though you've never tried that kind of work, and you started in Housekeeping, and you make your part-time money cleaning someone else's dirty office building. You've bitched about working 30 years at a job that your Father got you into the door, but you've complained about your advancement or lack thereof for the whole time. Your lost loves, especially the married one who strung you along for years, along with every other bad decision you've made as you hide behind a Christian person's facade is obviously clouding your judgment. Everything is Quid pro Quo with you. You always mentioned aloud when the Gas and Electric Bill comes as if I am solely responsible for the increase, even though it's been years since you've used your furnace. All of your windows need to be replaced but you're afraid to bring it up to your slum lords because you're satisfied @ your rental controlled house. You get what you pay for. Hopefully their won't be the deluge of mice again this year, as through the years I've tried to secure this house with every type of trap and caulking for no appreciation. Your anger is misguided most of the time and you're not trying to help me a selfish act of a person who doesn't believe in helping Family only up to a point.