Dr. Pat Allen believes there are three different kinds of dating:
1. Duty Dating®,
2. Real dating
Dr. Pat Allen's Duty Dating® is when you are practicing dating skills, it's not based on chemistry. It's practicing. Real dating is when you are mutually attracted to someone and you go out, and courtship is when you know you are looking for a relationship and both parties are looking to mate.
While you're Duty Dating®… Dr. Allen recommends that you date at least three different people at a time, for at least three dates each, unless they are repulsive, immoral, unethical or illegal. Or, as Pat puts it, date them three times unless they are wearing an orange jumpsuit with a number on the back.
The chemical oxytocin is ruling your love life.
Oxytocin is a powerful 'feel good' hormone that's released when women have sex, or become physically intimate with a man. It's also known as the 'bonding' hormone. Young women, especially teens, confuse this chemical reaction with love, and often think it's the guy they crave, when it's actually just the oxytocin rush.
Men don't release bonding hormones, so having sex is far less complicated for them.
"If you're a guy, have you ever had a woman who won't leave you alone after you've had casual sex? Could be because she's bonded to you. She wants more of that oxytocin rush."
Because of this dynamic, Dr. Allen cautions women, "It's especially important to know what the deal is before you have sex, don't commit premature monogamy. That's what happens when women are under the influence of oxytocin. You're quick to attach to someone who you don't even know. Think about this: a sociopath can screw your brains out before you even know he's a sociopath. Get to know someone before you bond."
She also recommends getting a commitment before you have sex that bonds, she calls this an "entrance" fee. For your health and sanity, she suggests you find out your partner's plans for the relationship's longevity, exclusivity and continuity.
"The worst dating deal in town is when you don't talk about it and you think you're falling in love and the other person is thinking you are just friendly sex partners. Be careful who you have sex with, you may become so bonded you won't be able to pull away and get a better man."
More from Dr. Pat Allen:
- A Must See! Watch Our Relationship Expert Dr. Pat Allen on "The Millionaire Matchmaker"
- The Power of 'No'
- Dr. Pat Allen: Do You Want to Get Laid or Paid
- The Reason for 'Duty Dates'
About the Author:
Dr. Pat Allen is a Marriage & Family Therapist, Director of Dr. Pat Allen WANT® Institute "Educators of Effective Communication Strategies," Speaker, Duty Dating® Counselor, Communication Expert, called "The therapist, comic Mother Superior" by Oprah Winfrey on one of my four appearances on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" and also you may have seen me recently on E! Entertainment, CNN, FoxNews, on VH1 as Tiffany's, aka: "New York," therapist on "I Love New York 2" or "The Millionaire Matchmaker," among others.
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