It could be possibly the biggest question in the history of dating. As a smart, successful and independent woman, how do we better understand men? Sometimes it doesn't matter how many classes we take or issues of Cosmo we read; it really is like they're from another planet altogether! (They did say they were from Mars, right?)
But here's the truth: It really is much simpler than you think. If you're dating, want to start dating, in a relationship or just getting out of one and you want to know how to understand men, we come bearing the gift of knowledge and ease!
Here are three Dating with Dignity-approved easy ways to get on the right path to understanding men.
1. Know that you cannot pressure a man into commitment.
He's either in or he's not. There's really nothing like pressuring a man into something he's not ready for. In fact, this type of pressure can cause a man to run in the opposite direction. Most serious relationships start to become exclusive within the first few months of dating; and if you feel like you need to bring up where you are, the likelihood is that he might be in a different place.
On the off-chance that your guy just isn't sure of what he wants or doesn't know that you're supposed to talk about it, it's okay to have "the talk." But just know that nothing you say or do during that conversation is going to bring him closer to knowing that you two should be together. Hopefully he already knows that. And if he doesn't, you'll just be moving on to someone who deserves to be with you.
Men mean what they say and say what they mean, ladies. Rarely when you ask a girlfriend the infamous question "What does it mean when he…." is the answer something mystical. It means exactly what you think it means.
2. Sometimes men just want to be taken care of!
"Taking care" of your guy can include a number of things. It can be a little thing like reminding him about his dentist appointment or surprising him with a home-cooked dinner when he gets off work.
It also can mean taking care of his ego. Your man wants you to appreciate that he hung up the curtains without asking him ten times, so showing him that you're appreciative is important. In understanding men, realize that they truly are sensitive beings. Often women assume their men don't need to hear that they'll be missed him when you're off on an exotic business trip to far-away lands, that his pecs really do look awesome after that 30-minute trip to the gym, or that you do think he's amazing even though his boss doesn't get it. Men aren't wired like women, of course, but they do have feelings.
Ensuring that you understand this about men can literally catapult you to the top of his list of things he can't live without.
3. Of all the things men want in a relationship, respect is number ONE.
Do you feel like you are taking complete control over a relationship? Guess what, ladies? This is not a turn on. While men love a woman who is strong and assertive, she needs to know when to take the lead and when to follow.
Taking complete control in bed, for example, is definitely a turn on. So if you feel like doing the latter, be our guest. Guys love it when their girl takes the reigns in the bedroom. However, don't let your "control freak" need-to-know-right-now nature leak into your relationship. Trying to be in charge of everything, and belittling things that your guy does will send him away faster than you can say "I think that shirt looks silly."
It's important to remember that when it comes to understanding men, you have to get to the core of what they want from a woman. Respect is a huge "MUST" for most men. Compliment his achievements (genuinely) and motivate him to be the best man he can be.
Understanding men is easier than you think. But if you're still feeling stuck, you may want to find out from Marni exactly why your love life isn't where you want it to be with a D-factor Assessment.