Would You Give Your Doggie a Mani/Pedi?

See if you can guess what these three things have in common: Getting a sheep placenta facial. Running a 5K. Giving my dog a manicure.

Nope, they're not items on my bucket list. Nor are they things I'm working toward. Rather, they are what I will most definitely not be doing this holiday weekend.

Related: 12 Things Your Nail Salon Doesn't Want You to Know

While the placenta facial is all the rage with celebs willing to plunk down $670 to be smothered in afterbirth that's anti-aging, and manning up to run for a cause is admirably en vogue these days, I don't have the stomach for either one. But, what really makes me have to consciously suppress my gag reflex is the prospect of puppies wearing polish.

And, it's not like I dreamed this up during a particularly bad night's sleep or glommed it from some twisted DIY book; this is a real thing.

Related: The Best Nail Polishes of the Year

There's a dog grooming company called Warren London that makes "Pawdicure Polish Pens." They come in 7 different colors and dispense a "quick-drying, non-toxic coat" that's easy to remove from your pet's paw nails. (Evidently, claws sound much less attractive in marketing speak.) Intrigued? You can see an entire gallery of America's Top Pawdels here.

Since I've been working very hard on acceptance and am trying, trying to support the "to each his own" mantra that makes America such an awesome place to live, I will say this: If you think it's cute, go for it. Embrace your polished pup and have a nice 3-day weekend.

I, on the other hand, will be busy not running for charity with my aging skin and embarrassingly un-chic canine best bud.

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