Secret Confessions of a Horny Housewife

Walking through the hotel bar today with little Spencer, sunburned, no makeup, in shorts with a tank top, a handsome handsome daddy watched me go by. He watched me pass like he was a lion and I was a tasty zebra. Like we were cartoon characters stranded on a desert island and when he looked at me, my head turned into a giant chicken drumstick. Like it was December 24th and I was the Christmas ham. He licked his chops. I love that look. It is so animalistic. It reminds me of something that once happened with Detective Curt. It was near the end of one of our afternoon sex sessions. I was on my back and Curt was ----- me missionary style. As I’ve said, Curt was a marathon man. He’d been going all day, and now he decided it was time to come. Read More »

There are a hundred-thousand pen*ses in the naked city. And every pen*s tells a story… Valentine Dave’s penis was well-meaning. It was the kind of a penis that would prepare you a candle-lit dinner. It was sweet and unintimidating and rather small. It was the kind of a penis you could take home to your mother. Dave was tall, but naked he seemed somehow slighter and smaller. Sometimes a penis makes a man, but a penis can also unmake a man. Dave’s penis unmade him for me. Read More »

When it comes to men, I am a junk food junkie. I’ve written that married men, like in-between-meal snacks, are empty calories; they fill you up, but fail to nourish you. (Lankrypt, hysterically, commented that, like junk food, married men go right to your hips.) I think somewhere here lies the answer to that eternal question, “What is the difference between hedonism and self-nurturing?” (Okay. It is not eternal. I only asked it earlier today, but it has been on my mind a lot.) Hedonism is not eating all day, and then consuming a ding dong for dinner. Hedonism is having a relationship with your husband that does not include sex, and then sleeping with five married men in less than one year. Hedonism is a commitment to pleasure, with a simaltaneous total failure to self-nourish. Read More »