Engage in "chore-play"
That's Kerner's term, and it's a nod to the kabillion studies showing that husbands and wives who do more housework together have more sex. It has to do with cultivating teamwork, circumventing resentment, and, especially for type-As, the sense that you've earned the opp and created the space (perhaps literally) to get it on. "Researchers in the Netherlands found that the key to female arousal seems to be deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety," says Kerner. (The key to deep relaxation and a lack of anxiety seems to be living in the Netherlands.) But don't wait until the to-do list is done; that's pretty much not going to happen. Acknowledge what isn't done, make a plan for who'll do it when, and then have at it.