Blog Posts by Bobbi Palmer

Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup™ shares with women dating over 40 the one word that will change the way men respond to them.A single man I know once said: If a woman I'm interested in doesn't seem to love herself, why should I love her...and trying to convince her that she's great would be too exhausting.

When a man meets this kind of woman he may be attracted initially, but after figuring out that she is a project (one he doesn't care to take on), he will soon disappear. Your phone won't ring after the first or second date because if you're not keen on yourself, a good man takes that as a signal to run.

It makes sense. Think about how you judge a man as a good potential mate.

On the list of what you're looking for in a man (c'mom...I know you have a list!) I bet "confidence" is way up there on the top. It's human nature to be attracted to people who seem to truly like themselves. They make us feel safe and, heck, if they clearly know they are worthy of attention and admiration, we go along for the ride until we learn otherwise.

Confidence tops the list of both women and men when they describe what turns

I know I sound like a broken record about the benefits of dating online, especially if you are single and over 40. I'm going to continue to nag you about this because I want what you want: for you to find the man of your dreams, and to never let each other go.
Getting online is the best way to make that happen.

Go ahead, take the test, I promise you'll learn things about how to meet the RIGHT MEN online, the RIGHT way. Like your mother used to say "You'll thank me later."

True or False:
1. You should never respond if a guy just "winks" at your profile and doesn't email first.
2. Spelling or grammatical errors tell you a lot about the man.
3. It's important to list your requirements and deal breakers in your online profile.
4. Run your profile by your best girlfriends to get their feedback before posting.
5. Never overtly flirt in your initial emails. He'll get the wrong idea.
6. It's OK to email him again if he doesn't respond at first.

Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup shares why women dating over 40 shouldn't worry about butterflies with more important things at stake on first dates.I read this quote recently: I love that feeling of being in love, the effect of having butterflies when you wake up in the morning. That is special. ~ Jennifer Aniston

I love her, and no offense meant, but how has that butterfly-thing been working for Jen so far?

During my 35-plus years of loneliness, heartbreaks, dating, love and finally marriage, my relationship with butterflies has changed a lot. Back in the day, when I met that unique man with a certain look and cocky confidence, I'd go weak in the knees. And if he made me laugh and showed me even the slightest bit of interest, that was it. I was a goner. Ahhh…bring on the butterflies.

It was exciting and I loved the feeling. That is, until I didn't. Because every one of those guys were fleeting connections who left me disappointed, confused and convinced that yet again I missed my chance at love. Why was it that all the guys I liked (and there weren't that many) didn't like me??

This was the pattern until I finally understood

Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup™ offers gratitude to her recently departed father for the life lessons he taught her.My Dad died. There…I said it out loud. Even though I was by his side and saw him take his very last breath, it's been hard to believe he's gone forever. F-o-r-e-v-e-r.

I wanted to write this article for Thanksgiving so I could publicly thank him and show my gratitude. How trite, I thought. It doesn't do him justice.

So I write now. On a dreary Friday in November. Just another day like every single day since October 2 when I think of him and wish he were here.

I very much want to honor this honorable man. I also want to pass on some of his life tips. I know he would get a kick out of me doing this. Not just because receiving public gratitude is pretty nice, but because it validates that he did a good job teaching me. (Yes…I was listening, Dad!)

I now see that Melvin took his job as Father very seriously. He made a good living. He set a strong and positive example. He taught us something every day. He raised two hard-working, nice people.

I also see that he loved me

At least half of all the emails I get from wonderful women who are over 40 and looking for love are about the same question you've probably been asking since you were a teenager: "Is he in to me?"

Often the answer is: If you have to ask, he's probably not.

The other common answer is: No way to know…give him time. So many of us think about the "Is he in to me?" situation way too soon. After the first date - especially if you were in to him - we're wondering if he saw the same thing we did. You know…did he feel the Connection?

Real grownup men don't play games; when they are in, they are in.Most men are different than we are. (Big surprise, right?) They are pretty good staying in the information gathering stage until they see enough evidence that you might be The One. That doesn't mean they don't make decisions soon - they do. But the decision may be that he likes you and wants to see you again. Then he can stop there.

What do we do? We decide we like him but then might start listing all the things that are so great about him and

Three things I recommend you keep in mind as you travel on your journey meeting men using online dating.You can meet the spectacular, special man who is going to be your life partner using online dating. I met the love of my life on www.match.com, so of course I recommend it to all my friends, coaching clients, in my workshops…really to anyone who will listen!

Here are three things I recommend you keep in mind as you travel on your journey meeting men using online dating. (Yep…it is a journey and, yes, you meet men online…you really don't date them there.)

#1. Be the Boss

No, I don't mean be bossy. I mean be in control of your experience. Online dating opens you up to thousands more possibilities, and it's a completely new way of meeting people.

Make some decisions and set some personal guidelines about how you want to integrate it into your life. How many hours will you spend each day? (Warning: this can get addictive!) What things can you do to ensure your physical and emotional well-being as you talk to and meet people? What can you learn or change to be a

Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup shares how when a woman dating over 40 overthinks her situation, she might overlook the perfect partner."If it were a snake, it would 'a bit ya!" That's what Ethel Mertz always said to her husband Fred (Lucy Ricardo's neighbors in I Love Lucy) when he'd wander around looking for his glasses - which were always on top of his (bald) head. Do you remember that?

Well, this is what I could have said to my client Carol who hired me to help her break up with her boyfriend Hugh. Carol had been happily married for many years before she was widowed at the age of 53. She met Hugh a year or so after her husband died. They had fun dating and exploring Los Angeles, and they enjoyed each other's company.

Carol didn't take this relationship too seriously since he was the first man she dated other than her late husband. (They had been married 25 years.) She was ready for love again but knew she should "play the field" in order to find the right guy.

So, she called me to help her figure out how to do the dirty deed and let Hugh down easy. She then wanted to search for and find the Mr. Right for this

Bobbi Palmer of Date Like a Grownup™ shares how to overcome your FemiType if you're a woman dating over 40.Over the past few months I've profiled six types of women - I call them FemiTypes - who have less than healthy relationships with men. I've written about The Princess, The 18 Year Old, The Scaredy Cat, The Wow-Me Woman, The Bitter Woman and The Sexpot.

Why have I written about women when you really want to know about men? Because I know it will help lead you get to where you want to be: in a loving relationship with a man who is devoted to you.

I wrote the FemiType series in hopes of creating empathy for your counterpart: the over 40 single guy who is dating and looking for love. Many of these guys come to you after dating, living with or being married to one or more of these FemiTypes.

After reading this series, I hope you can understand why some single men can seem judgmental, insecure, scared or a little shell-shocked! Like you, they're likely reacting based on previous experiences.

Understanding men's bumps and bruises will add to your compassion, and compassion is toward the