Oh, we live in a wacky, wacky world. Didja know Tracy Anderson is opening up a gym in NYC? It only costs an initiation fee of $1500 for a year plus, um, $900 a month.
Oooh, wait, hold on: Bllleeeuuughhhhh. Spit. Wipe.
Yes, that was me vomiting, but only a little, and only for effect, so don't get all worried about my digestion. Really, I almost hardly get mad about this s--- anymore, because at a certain point you have to ask yourself, "What kind of person actually tries to buy Gwyneth Paltrow's body for that amount of money in a way that means they have to do some idi-freaking-otic workouts no other sensible trainer in the universe endorses?" For that cash, you could get surgery. For the cost of a five-year membership, you could probably buy Gwyneth Paltrow, have her head removed, have yours surgically attached to her body, and never have to pick up a 3-pound dumbbell or mess around with some lame-dumb band system. (Shades of "Seven" in that I guess.)
But this came up again because
Blog Posts by fitness fixation
Oh, we live in a wacky, wacky world. Didja know Tracy Anderson is opening up a gym in NYC? It only costs an initiation fee of $1500 for a year plus, um, $900 a month.Read More »from On Tracy Anderson and Michelle Obama's arms
- fitness fixation | New Year New You – Fri, Jan 23, 2009 8:42 AM EST
Read More »from User Post: Just in time for some holiday or another: Presents for active people
Whoa, are the holidays over? Well, then it's time for the "FF Top 5 Fitness Gifts gift-giving guide to things you could give to the exercisers in your life" aka the FFTFFGGGTTYCGTTEIYL. (If you say that acronym out loud, you will incidentally be making the noise I make when I do experience muscle fatigue and fall down into the fetal position and just rock.)
Yes, this comes direct to you on your computer or other web-surfing gadget, culled from other people's timely holiday gift guides, just days too late to be any good to anyone! But if you must know, it's really just an excuse to riff on some stuff, and anyway, if you see anything you like you could buy it for yourself or return the Baywatch Beach workout tapes you got in exchange for some of these beauties. So here we go! Let's count down backwards, just like we did for last seconds of the New Year.
5. The Road ID. Because it's always nice to send a gift that says, "I fear your running/cycling habit is going to end up with you
I was thinking to myself the other day (I occasionally do have actual thoughts, you know) that we don't do enough for our young girls.Read More »from Wassup with the Pink Patch?
I mean, yes, we rear them on a steady stream of unusually thin actresses, musicians, and models, with hardly any size diversity in evidence (and the thin-only aesthetic seems extra pronounced in shows targeted at teenagers).
At the same time, we make sodas and chips and candy available in their school vending machines (with the schools taking a cut, arguably because education is insufficiently funded by us) and we slash P.E. programs as a way of cutting back expenses.
Plus, there's the way we adults sometimes talk about our own bodies, disparaging our thighs while gnawing on a lettuce leaf. Some of us even criticize our daughters for their weight, and many of their peers will do it too. So yeah, we do a pretty good job of setting them up with distorted body expectations and few tools for pursuing a healthy lifestyle.
But is it enough? Sure,
Too heavy???Omigawd! I saw Gwyneth was on Oprah, talking about you, Tracy Anderson, her very own personal trainer. And you train Madonna too. That's so awesome. You know, I'm a personal trainer as well. We should totally get together and braid each other's hair and share exercise tips, doncha think? It would be so cuuuute. Why, since we are both trainers, I bet we have lots in common. I mean, we probably both follow all those studies about how women don't lift heavy enough weights at the gym to really see the benefits of strength training, and how that's such a problem, and instead most women are just wasting time dicking around instead of getting strong and lean. And well, with two high-profile clients like Lady M and G-dawg, you have this amazing forum to spread the gospel of real, meaningful strength training to the ladies at home.Read More »from Dear Gwyneth Paltrow's trainer...
Yay! Anyhow, keep it up!
Hey Tracy, Um, I don't mean to be a pest here, but I just looked a little closer at Gwyneth's interview. It's great that she
Skinny was bad back then too. From Modern Mechanix.
Last week on my blog I kind of railed against 'healthy' for a bit, and my sister asked me about it afterwards. "I just had the feeling there was something else going on there," she said. "I mean, is healthy all that bad?" She's very astute, and right in that I'm actually not anti-health or anything. But I think my reaction had more to do with something I've seen lots of places and on many fronts. Namely that 'healthy' is the new socially appropriate code word for 'skinny'.
I think there was a certain amount of backlash against the "thin by any means necessary" stuff, what with the anorexic models dying and celebrities with ribs you can count easily and the fact that the majority of people do not, and will never, ever, look like those celebrities. So out of that storm came a new movement, one that was anti-diet and pro-health. And believe you me, many in the media heard the cry.
So skinny became healthy. It's not enough toRead More »from Skinny is soooo last year, healthy is now
A while back I went to a baby shower, and the host had everyone write down their best advice on parenting for the expectant couple in an album. When it was my turn to come up with some pearls, I paused. The truth was that the very best pieces of advice were rarely about whether or not to co-sleep or use a pacifier (um, for the baby, yo) or wait an extra year for kindergarten, though those are topics of much anxiety for parents. And the top words of wisdom I got almost never came from books or the doctor or even my closest people. Parenting is funny that way. You depend on the kindness of strangers for very general and life-saving stuff.
Now one of my closest friends is about to have a baby any day now (on her own, too---she got tired of waiting for a suitable life partner and knew she wanted kids) and I thought I'd again ask people I don't know for something helpful. Here's the best advice I got. Then you offer what worked for you, and we can share it with my friend.
1. It getsRead More »from The best parenting advice EVER
- fitness fixation | Parenting – Wed, Aug 20, 2008 8:03 PM EDT
Pre-child, I was righteous. I believed that while parenting was hard, I was going to manage to conduct myself well at least the majority of the time. Ha. Ha. Ha. Now I know that I'm more likely to high-five myself on very rare occasions of almost accidental successful parenting, than to reflect every night on my serene and superior mom-skills. And the list of things I thought I'd never do and still find myself doing? It is very long. Here's just five. Maybe you've done some of these as well.
1. Lying to the kid. Oh, gonna be honest all the time, right? Mmm hmm. Let's see, there's the lies because the truth would hurt ("You do have a lovely singing voice"); the ones about things I can't control ("I swear, no one in your class will throw up today, now get dressed for school!"); and the just plain self-serving stuff ("No, that isn't chocolate, it's mama's medicine.") If my nose grew, I'd be poking the Olympians in Beijing with it right now.
2. Yelling, throwing stuff, andRead More »from Five things you thought you'd never do to your kids
Dearest Kim,Read More »from Kim Kardashian can't lose the booty weight
Heya, just browsing through US magazine, my go-to source for fair and balanced coverage of your hiney. And I read this:
"I love that I'm curvy, but I'm on this major kick to try and lose weight, especially in my butt," she tells Radar magazine. "I'm just so over it! When you're posing on the red carpet and the paparazzi shout, 'Turn around! Turn around!' -- it gets a little offensive."
Well Kim, you are in luck! As a trainer, I feel I can totally help. If you want to lose weight in your behind, I'll just hook you up to the Oh Booty Oh-Bliterator---trademarked, natch---a revolutionary machine that completely tones and reduces just the size of your derriere. Whenever you are ready for a tinier hindside, just say, "Oh honey, Oh-bliterate me please!" and let the Oh Booty works its magic. Available for $19.95 wherever fine exercise equipment and fake dreams are sold.
Ha ha ha! No seriously, I'm so thrilled you said this, because you are going to help me make two points.
In the olden days of long, long ago, when our dinosaurs roamed the land and our mothers were having babies, there was a certain amount of pressure on moms. Mothers were supposed to raise the children with patience and a cheerful air of total domestic fulfillment. In the fantasy, the house was spotless, and a lovely dinner was served every night with a chic apron and a smile. Then came the glorious liberation of women from the home, and all of the sudden there were new pressures. Now moms were supposed to be successful in careers while maintaining close and loving relationships with their kids. Time was somehow divided efficiently between being an equal breadwinner and an involved parent, with board meetings flowing seamlessly into baking brownies for the PTA bake sale.
We pretty much know both those visions are ridiculous, right? But that didn't stop women from feeling pressure to meet that ideal, and carrying around a sense of shame if they fell short. Well, you are in luckRead More »from The new "good mother"
six-pack.jpgOkay, I feel very truth-y today, and I need to tell you something. You may never have a six-pack.Read More »from Why you may never have a six-pack
Or maybe more accurately, a visible six-pack. And I mean you could work your booty off, eat a real healthy diet, and still never get one. I mean, you might, but again, you might not. Are you mad now? Is that awful to say? However, I really do believe it. It's like trainer blasphemy, but hey, I specialize, yo.
See, I saw this nutritionist yesterday, someone I saw a few times when I was younger, and I love her perspective. She reminded me of some things I knew but was sort of starting to lose sight of. Like that everyone is different, and responds in different ways to different things. And sometimes we spend our lives chasing the impossible, and make our happiness contingent on something that isn't gonna be real for us. And in doing so, we sometimes miss what is right in front of us. Got that Dorothy? You could have gone home at any time, you just had to click your heels. Now, aren't you