Blog Posts by lisa g

We all want to define what life is. I remember what the dictionary definition of life is: what takes place between birth and death. Makes things sound so simple, yet there is more to life than that. You could write a book on one day of living. I have found a comfort zone in my life. I can enjoy living without having to partake of mood altering substances. I don't worry about operating my motorized vehicle anymore. I can function fully in a intelligent conversation. I make more sound decisions. Yet sometimes I have to admit that there is something inside of me that gets restless. I start thinking what is it?? What is that I am feeling?? Then I realize, what is happening is I am becoming more defined in myself sober. Then I hit a spot in living that is a little unfamiliar. The only thing I have to relate to is a moment when I was under the influence. This is what I am talking about. I have known myself as the person using. This person that is sober and clean, well I have to get to know

I needed that familar something. The past weeks of my life have been so, should I say foriegn. Nothing seems to stay constant. Things whirling and changing so fast; before I can feel comfortable they change again. I started getting a bit insecure with myself, my new lifestyle. I wanted something to just feel familar, like home. I called the Signor and we spent time watching a movie. Not talking about anything, just enjoying a movie with each other. Everything felt so familar, yet foreign. I am comfortable with the Signor, but we don't share the relationship of the past. I knew that it was only a small visit. I relate it to going to visit your old family home. It feels so good, so safe. You know that it isn't permanent. You just need to feel that familarity. I think the Signor needed it too. He didn't hesitate in agreeing to my visit. Sammy even was needing it. He sat between us on the couch his big doggy grin and tail wag letting us know he likes this. We can wish and wish for

My last blog post was about how confusing dating can be. How we play games in the dating scene. Well, I got some replies to that post and thank you so much SoCalResident. I took your advice and looked a little past the one person I was seeing. I am now seeing another guy, and he is pretty much into me. Just starting and I am still testing the waters. I found the hardest thing is keeping in the front of my mind, I am not committed to anyone. I have gotten past the thing that I am cheating on the Signor. Sometimes that gets in the way, but I have to keep in mind we are not together anymore. He calls now and then. We visit, but I have to remember he is not asking me to come back. I am glad that I have come to see what reality is. I am single, I can make any decision I want. Things have smoothed out in the 'dating' department for me. What is funny, I was about to say, 'Forget this, I am going camping instead'. What helped also, was the good ol' fearless inventory. Looking at what was

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I have started dating (shudders at that word and the implecations). Let's face it in order to have a relationship you have to go through the dating ritual. This is what I hate about dating, you never know the person you are dating. I have come to find that most have a persona they present on a 'date'. You have to date them over a long period of time before they drop the facade. Some lose themselves to this facade they cherish. Yes cherish it they do. The other thing I hate is the tap dancing around what we want from the relationship. I can garantee if the 'L' word is even mentioned on the first two dates you won't get a third. So many rituals, no wonder I suck at this game. I mean I use the rule of thumb, if you love someone what is wrong with telling them? If you don't want to be intimate, then what is wrong with telling them. Is it because we are so consumed in keeping things secret we have started keeping us a secret from ourselves? I started seeing someone from a dating

I had been toying with this idea about friendship to write about. You know the true definition of friendship and all. I then read a quote posted on a friends Facebook page about how we are trained to hide our emotions and deny the inner child of our being. It struck a deep cord in me. I am going to paraphrase what the theme of the subject was, I swear I can't remember who the quote was from. It explained how inside of us all is an inner child. This child gets hurt all the time and we are trained through our lives to suppress and hide this pain. To deny this child exsists inside of us. How we then lose ourselves because we have been denying the child's feelings as real emotions. Made me think alot. Not about my inner child, because that is always in my thoughts, but about others. The pains and sorrows they are suppressing. It made me a little angry at myself for not being more empathatic to others needs and feelings. All this week I have really looked at the people surrounding me and

I just learned about William McDonough (I hoped I spelled his name correctly). A pioneer who thinks sharing is good for our future. His quest is to have a positvie end game. This means products and services not being detrimental to our enviornment. He calls it the CradletoCradle plan. What impressed me is this city he is wanting to build for China. Self sufficient in energy and sustaining a enviornment for all the creatures that reside in the landscaping. His idea, lift up the earth and live under it. You know it looked so awesome. There were fields on the rooftops. You could grow crops. Waste treatment plants created natural gas that could be used for cooking. I am sure the controlled enviornments could be fuel effiecient because of the insulating factor of the roofs. What impressed me was the logical way he looked at this development. We needed to do something so we would have a place for our children. It inspired me for a project I am working on for my nephew for Scouts. I hope he

The Signor gave me that expression. It held merit to me and I have used it often. This day, this blog, I use it to describe something that is going on in my heart. I will always care about the Signor, he was ever an important persona in my life. Our drug addiction seperated us and keeps us apart, but that is not what this piece is about. It is about maturing and in maturing finding your inner child. I have experienced something that has shown me child like innocence. I cherished that part of my spirit that I had lost contact with. I feared that I would never find it, I would grow old and wrinkled. I would never take another challenge with child like enthusiasm. Yet, in a short amount if chain reaction, I have found that childish innocence inside of my spirit. I looked into the mirror and there she was again. Eyes shining with joy, smiling and loving her life. She has found the inner joy of self. The self she thought had been destroyed by a broken relationship. In finding this

Tonight I am floating. I am floating because I can see a wonderful new me. This person is so lively and happy. She is so compassionate. She is growing in her wisdom. I feel so happy. My happy accident is becoming very real. A really good accident I could say. I like this road I am traveling. Things are so smooth and peaceful. No trauma, no drama. Just floating in bliss. I am going to say that this experience is the first of honest emotion. I am seeing reality. I am living it. Right now I can say my life is the best it has been in a long time. I actually think I am having a good experience because I feel I am bringing someone else happiness. You don't know the joy that can bring you. In fact when you care about someone else more is wonderful. Sweet and wonderful. The best part is yes I have feelings and even better yes they are founded on reality and not on a haze of substance.

Peace out and in all that is right-good!