Blog Posts by Married Jake, Glamour Magazine

Of course his behavior was awful. My problem is with how we felt about him before any of this happened...

What is it with people being quote unquote disappointed with Tiger Woods? I think we should be disappointed with anyone who cheats on his wife with some cheesy woman who gives her voicemails to deadspin. Or even anyone who cheats on his wife with a classy woman who keeps her own counsel. But I've talked to so many people who are like, I expected so much more from Tiger Woods, he stood for so much more.

Related: How to Turn Good Sex Into Great Sex

Why? Because he's multiracial? Because he can do cool tricks with a golf ball? Because he seems so nice when he's kicking everyone's ass at the US Open? When has he stood for anything besides winning? When has he stuck his neck out and stood up for something that was morally right but athletically or financially ruinous? The answer, as far as I know, is never.

Listen. The guy is about total domination. He's been about total

It's the holiday season. Time to sleep in his childhood bed...

So you're at his parents' house. You finish a nice meal, lie to his mother about how you totally like Tofurkey. Then you brush your teeth, awkwardly say hi to his father in the hall as he goes to the kitchen for a glass of bedtime milk in his jammies.

And now you find yourself squished into his twin bed, the one he slept in since he was in third grade, beneath his old swimming trophies and Green Bay Packers posters, in air suffused with the must of youth put to storage.

Places to Have Sex That Sound Sexy but Really Aren't

And then he starts touching your leg, nuzzling his face into yours.

But his parents are right down the hall!

Do you continue? Do you get off on the inappropriateness? The dare of it? Or is it basically the opposite of an aphrodisiac?

MORE FROM MARRIED JAKE:

• Ten Things He Thinks When He Finds Out They're Fake
• 16 of Your Trickiest Sex and Love

And I'm going to be honest...

You guys are gonna get mad at some of these thoughts (in fact, some will get mad about all the thoughts, and all will get mad about some of them), but I'm really going for the unvarnished truth. With, of course, the caveat that every man is different and some men won't have a single one of the thoughts listed below...

(What's the sexiest part of a woman's body?)

1) I just want to feel them once. I've lied about having felt them for years and this is my chance.
2) Where's the scar? Will she notice if I look intently for the scar?
3) OK, try to imagine her with small breasts. Picture it. Does it change how I feel?
4) Wow, she's more self-image-conscious than I thought she was.
5) Does that mean she wants me to pay more or less attention to them?
6) Can she feel anything? Is she pretending to feel something?
7) I think that means she likes sex more.
8) I haven't seen anything like this since my friend's

Blossoms came home from a shopping trip the other day, with some clothes for me...

Now, listen. Blossoms has great taste. She always looks great, she almost never comes home with one of those risky but exciting purchases that forever stays in the closet unworn but un-thrown-away because you can't admit that it was a huge mistake. And she obviously has great taste in men.

Related: Five Ways the Sucky Recession Ruined Our Love Lives

But why do women always pick out the most foppish, prissy clothes for their significant others? Blossoms came home with a cardigan sweater for me. And these long narrow supple brown leather shoes. And some pants that look like they were made out of a cashmere baby blanket.

Shallon just wrote about whether shopping for your guy is a do or a don't.

I mean, I appreciated it. That stuff was expensive. And it was really thoughtful. But why would she think those are awesome clothes? None of the guys she was attracted to in her life would ever

I've had this gnawing feeling in the back of my mind lately, and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Until it dawned on me...

Having a baby has affected me in all kinds of ways, big and small. I don't like to talk a lot about it, especially to people who don't have kids, because I always found it so annoying when other parents did it to me before I had Lil Blossoms.

Having a baby is kind of like being on acid. Fascinating to talk about for you and everyone else who's doing it; pathologically boring for people who aren't.

(Do you already have an opinion about whether you want a boy or a girl?)

Anyway. I realized the other day that Lil Blossoms has had a profound affect on the way I address the world at very unexpected moments: when she's not around and whatever task I'm doing isn't even related to her. Let me explain.

When I'm thinking of not telling the clerk at the grocery store that she didn't charge me for the six-pack, I feel a little twinge. And then tell

My friend Alix, who told me there were no good places to meet men any more, challenged me to prove her wrong. I accepted that challenge, since, you know, she's totally wrong and she knows it...

1) Halloween Party
I like to call Halloween the horniest holiday of the year. It's the Spanish Fly of holidays, except that Halloween exists. It's the holiday were women dress up as fetishistic fantasy dates (I'm a sexy... nurse! I'm a sexy... librarian! I'm a sexy... kitten!) and men feel weirdly confident behind their disguises (many of them are in fact dressed as women, which adds a completely different strain of fantasy). Everyone's approachable, and approached, on Halloween.

I don't even think you need to go to a Halloween party to meet someone. Just get dressed up and walk around Rite Aid and someone will start talking to you.

See our tips: 10 Things He's Thinking When He Sees Your Costume

2) Farmer's Market
I don't know if you have one where you live, but I have

Do you have a line in the sand when it comes to fighting with a boyfriend?

Last week, Cheryl wrote about saying something she regretted when she was fighting with her man. (By the way: Drew, I feel your pain. How many times can you get mad at us for being a little messy? We're your husbands/boyfriends, not your cleaning ladies. Just love us the way we are!)

Anyway, it got me thinking about something. There are some invisible lines in my relationship with Blossoms that I will not cross. Even when I'm angry. Even in the throes of a fight. And I'd argue that those lines are incredibly important.

See our tips: Why Men Are Afraid to Settle Down

Living by them means: even when I hate you a tiny tiny bit (for thirty seconds, when you're not listening to me, or when you're acting a certain way you've acted 75,896 times before and I feel incredibly frustrated) this relationship is way too important to me to risk breaking it. And because I love you I will never disrespect you.

Just how much is too much...?

Since the birth of Baby Blossoms, a pattern has emerged. We get home from work, get her to sleep, make dinner, open a couple of beers or a bottle of wine, turn off our brains, and watch TV. Usually a movie. Often a TV series we have on DVD.

We have blown through Damages, TrueBlood, Friday Night Lights, In Treatment, The Wire etc etc.Have you watched Damages? Man, that is some good TV. Though The Wire is the best television show in the history of the medium. Seriously.

(What are your five favorite TV shows?)

We're so freaking tired, it's kind of the only thing we can do.

But I don't want to turn into one of those couple to whom husband or wife means merely the body next to you on the sofa facing the television. I know lots of couples that have sort of lost all desire to anything besides share their favorite (or second favorite, or eighth favorite, or whatever happens to be on after Grey's Anatomy) TV shows, a tub of ice cream, and a