This is so hard for me to talk about, I don't know where to begin, or how to deal with all the stress going on in and around my home. It is hard accepting the blame for my contribution to the chaos in our lives, and the guilt feelings in thinking and feeling the way I do.
When I was growing up as a child, I was living with a very abusive parent. My father, he was not a good person. He abused my mom horrably, and even though I was young I can remember the things he would do to her, and his verbal abuse as well. He was an alcoholic, musician, and womanizer. My mom took the brunt of all his abuse. And then one day he started molesting me. I was young and thought it was his way of showing me he loved me, maybe too, I was afraid of him. Long story short, one day I told a family member what he was doing and she told my mom. At that time, I didn't know it, but it was probably the best thing that could have happened, my siblings and I paid a price for it, but it gave my mom the courage to
Blog Posts by marsha mefford
This is so hard for me to talk about, I don't know where to begin, or how to deal with all the stress going on in and around my home. It is hard accepting the blame for my contribution to the chaos in our lives, and the guilt feelings in thinking and feeling the way I do.Read More »from HOW DO YOU COPE with SOMEONE WHO is MENTALLY ILL
DO YOU KNOW ME, DO YOU KNOW WHY I AM
CAN YOU HEAR ME, WHAT MY HEART TRIES TO SAY?
DO YOU FEEL ME, HERE, WHERE I AM, THE PAIN, HOPELESSNESS,
YOU CAN'T KNOW FOR YOU ARE NOT ME, YOU, CANNOT KNOW ME,
YOU CANNOT HEAR WHAT THE VOICES IN MY HEART, ARE SAYING,
YOU CANNOT FEEL THE PAIN, OR KNOW THE HOPELESSNESS, FOR YOU DON'T KNOW ME.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THINGS MY EYES HAVE SEEN,
ABUSE, DRUGS, HUNGER AND FEAR?
DO YOU CARE WHERE MY LIFE HAS BEEN?
DO YOU KNOW, CAN YOU SEE MER HERE?
HAVE YOU EVER CRIED, FOR A CHILD'S PAIN
FELT THE STING OF A FIST IN YOUR FACE, OR
SEEN YOUR CHILD TAKEN AWAY, TO A PLACE,
WHERE DECISIONS ARE NOT HIS OWN?
YOU DON'T KNOW ME, YOU DO NOT FEEL MY PAIN,
YOUR HEART IS NOT HEAVY FROM ALL YOU HAVE
BEEN OR SEEN.
I COULD NEVER LET YOU IN,
DO YOU KNOW? HOW COULD YOU KNOW!!!
YOU DON'T KNOW ME...........
know I had posted that I was looking for some help for Christmas, but sometimes I have a tendency to feel sorry for me……I am elderly on Social Security, it has been some time since I have been able to really go Christmas shopping for my great grandchildren. The joy of picking out that one special gift for them, the anticipation of their reaction when they open their gifts. But I forget that even at their young age they know I can't get them anything, and they seem to be alright with it. They enjoy being here with me, having time with me, they love me and they know how much I love them. I try to make each of them feel so special. When they hug me and tell me they love me, that is the best gift I could ever get, and it doesn't have to be Christmas to get it. So, I know they probably feel the same way, when I smother them with hugs and kisses. For me I guess it is Christmas year round.Read More »from Christmas Should Be a Happy Time
Maybe it is selfish of me, but I do miss the giving of gifts and watching their faces when they open
Entering a sweepstake or contest can be a lot of fun. Especially with the antisipation of maybe just maybe you will be the lucky winner. But it just doesn't happen that way. You know if you go for the "Big Prize", you won't be able to take it. Examples would be win a new kitchen or home renovation, well if you don't own your home and rent, what good would it do to renovate a rental. It don't belong to you, oh, sure the landowner, would approve it, why not, once it is done they can raise your rent or move you right on out. Or, a new car, you don't have any money to keep your old honda going, how you going to pay taxes on a new car? Or, you could win a trip somewhere including airfare, well if your afraid of flying, why bother? Oh, sure you can enter to win some of the smaller prizes, but it seems like those are the most likely ones you would have a chance to win, but the odds are greater than the chances.........Read More »from Sweepstakes, Contest Why Bother
Yet, here I go entering yet another contest or sweepstake. I know the
Memories are like angels wondering through our hearts,Read More »from ANGELS WHISPERING (MOTHERS DAY)
Helping us remember, when Heaven keeps us apart.
It mends our sorrow and grief each day, as we remember you,
Helping us, til we can be joined with you......
Though sad it is, the tears we cry, and pain we feel,
If we let go of memories, then Heaven won't seem real.
With angels dancing through our hearts, memories never fade,
The tears we cry, and pain we feel, one day will go away.
Memories will always be and angels whispering to us,
As we remember you and everything that was.....
I miss you mom, you just don't know
How heavy my heart, when you had to go.
My heart does ache, with such a heavy sigh,
I couldn't bare to say good-bye...
Then in my heart I heard a whisper, said guess who?
A memory caught me by surprise, I knew that it was you......
I think of you most everyday, the mother that you was,
Of all the strength and wisdom that came from
I just have to vent or I will go crazy!! I try so hard to do everything I can for not only the ones in my home but for other family members too. They just don't get it, I am older now, I am sick and in pain a lot, I just can't keep doing it all.. The best way to get this out of my system is to just tell you the story.Read More »from I HAVE to VENT
I A few yrs ago, my daughter in law left my disabled son and her daughter, who was 18 at the time. i am no condeming her, as my son was not an easy man to live with, he was abusive, inconsiderate and a drug addict. His was physically abusive and verbally threatening, I don't blame her for leaving him. What I feel is guilt for him being left on his own, and not knowing how to care for himself. I had lived with them, so this came at a time, when I was going to be moving on my own. Because I am a mother and grandmother, I couldn't just leave them behind. So, I found a house big enough for all of us. My youngest son, moved in with us, as I needed his strength to help me deal
I MISS THE GRANDMA YOU WAS
I remember you the grandma you was, the laughter
Smiles and scolding when we did something wrong.
A stranger never came to your door, all was welcome, and
Everyone loved you., the grandma you was.
You were always there for whatever we needed, to cry on your
Shoulder, laugh at our jokes, solve our problems, or just for a hug.
Sitting at the kitchen table, coffee perking, something cooking,
This the grandma I remember the grandma you was.
The ones we have loved and lost in our life, the pain and joy
You were there for it all. You were always there,
Sometimes the tempers would flare, but we always knew you cared,
This I remember, from the grandma you was.
Years have come and gone, and age taken its place, leaving us with lapses
Of memories, of what was and what is, and what can't be changed. And, I
Cry, for sometimes I miss the kitchen, coffee, and smell of cooking, that
Came from theRead More »from I MISS the GRANDMA YOU WAS
I'VE WRITTEN THIS AS A REPLY FROM A POEM I READ ABOUT A LOVE LETTER FROM JESUS.
MY LOVE LETTER TO JESUS
FOR MANY YEARS IT STAYED HIDDEN,
PACKED AWAY IN DUST AND DARK, AND THEN TODAY,
AS THE STRESS IS MORE THAN I COULD COPE,
I'D ABOUT GIVEN UP, AND LOST ALL HOPE.
I FOUND IT! MY LOVE LETTER FROM JESUS.
I'M SO SORRY, I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN YOU
I'VE BEEN LOST, DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
AND THERE IT IS SO PLAIN TO SEE,
ALL THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR ME!
HOW COULD I FORGET HOW MUCH YOU NEEDED ME
MORE THAN THAT, HOW MUCH I NEEDED YOU!
I'VE BEEN WRAPPED UP IN ALL THIS PAIN,
WHEN ALL I NEEDED WAS TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN.
AT THE END OF EVERYDAY, YOU WAITED, TOO.
I DIDN'T TAKE THE TIME TO TALK TO YOU,
ALL THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN IN EVERY DAY,
I STILL DIDN'T TRY TO FIND MY WAY.
OH, JESUS, I'VE BEEN SO WRONG, I'VE KNOWN ALL ALONG
YOU LOVED ME, YOU'VE BEEN WAITING,
FOR ME TO TALK TO YOU.Read More »from MY LOVE LETTER to JESUS
When the days come and I'm alone
The pain be more than I can bear, and
Hope seems like just another word. I know
You will be there. For, God, I know had
Sent you here, to make us laugh, and cry with joy.
I just call for Ellen-12-2, If you flip the dial and there you go
Escaping all the pain and loss, that is felt, take comfort,
for Ellen-12-2 is here.
You ask me now what does this mean, a post -it note it reads
Ellen-12-2, is here to save the day. You give me laughs, when I want
To cry, you make me cry, because there is hope, just wait for Ellen-12-2.
Now you might not get Ellen on 12 @ 2, check your listing give it a try,
For Ellen will make you laugh and make you cry….
I use to say why not me, why can't someone help me, but
When you watch Ellen-12-2, and see the good she does, for so many
I feel greedy, selfish, for so many need it more, so when I feel Why not me,
Again, I'll just tune in to Ellen-12-2.