Blog Posts by Melissa

How can you force someone to show interest in what hurts you the most? The history behind my emotional issues is a touchy subject, not just for me, but for my husband and those who know me best. They all know not to bring it up unless I do. Long story short, he was an alcoholic, verbally and at times physically abusive. My parents divorced when I was 10 and he disappeared. Was found dead in another state, behind a warehouse after drinking himself to death. How isnt that all a touchy subject?
Regardless, my husband never really brings it up. He doesnt ask questions about what he was like. Doesnt really show interest either. I go through my moments where thinking about my dad really bothers me. Especially now that I'm married and we have a one year old daughter. My husband sees when I'm upset about this, and doesnt bother to talk to me about it. Doesnt seem to care to help me through it. So I'm stuck, sitting on the couch by myself, at midnight, crying over something that I can

Who doesnt try the whole "New Years Resolution" deal every year? By the second week of January, the majority of those resolutions are broken, right? In fact you're probably doing the exact opposite of what your goals were, just because you're so depressed. Here's my list of resolutions for the New Year.

1) The Usual: Lose Weight.
Who doesnt have this on their yearly list of things to accomplish in the New Year? I recently had a baby, well 9 months ago type of recently. I've always been overweight. I'm pretty sure this has been on my list for the last 15+ years. I've let myself go. My husband and I joined a gym back in November, and havent gone since. I need to turn that around. I need to make a change, and I need to do something to better myself. And not just for myself, but for my family around me. I want to be around for a long time, to see my daughter grow. In these first two days, this hasnt really gone so well. I guess tomorrow is the big change.

2) Be a more

I'm hoping this won't get back to my family. That this blog will stay what it is, and just a blog on a website. Probably because I don't know how to tell my mother something like this. Because I've been struggling with this for years now. Because I doubt she'd believe me?
How did that turn into a question of doubt?
I guess I want to know...
How do you tell an immediate family member, that you were "touched" (molested) as a child? But someone close to you, in your family?
I've been wanting to tell my mother this for quite some time. The 'person' that did this, recently died, of cancer actually. One one hand I think "karma, its all about karma". On the other, I'm upset, because this person was close to me.
It all goes back to when I was about 8 years old. I've told my husband about this, my therapist when I was younger, and some distant friends. Other than them, no one knows. Not One Family Member knows. I feel like my mom was wondering why I wasnt so upset at his funeral. Why it

I guess I can't control what people comment about, but I'm not typing this out to be insulted, just to vent my worries and frustration. And to see if there are any other pregnant women who feel the same.

I know when you begin family, it is no longer about "me me me". Its about your children. Raising them to the best of your ability, to one day go out into the world and make it a better place. I'm not saying my children will not be first in my life. I'm not saying I won't sacrifice the world to give them everything they need to grow. Because of course, being 9 3/4 months pregnant, that one of the main things I, as most mothers, worry about. "Am I going to be good at this?".

But I can't help but question peoples intentions behind me in this pregnancy. Is my mother-in-law just being nice because I'm giving her the first grandchild? Is my husband just along for the ride to get a kid out of this? He never acted this way when we were just dating. Never put my needs first. Never cared about

My husband seems to think he's got it so much worse than me at this point. Being stressed about our upstairs remodel, being stressed about that "go at any second" moment we're going through, being stressed about work (hey, at least you have a job!). He thinks he has an idea of what I've gone through during this pregnancy. Thinks he knows what he's up for after our daughter is born, and thinks he's the only one who's losing sleep over this...
So sweety, this one's for you!!

1) I promise, on anything in the world, You've slept more in the last month than I have in these 9 1/2 months combined. Between heartburn, aching hips, and anxiety, the inability to get comfortable, and I guess throw out there the fact that we've been sleeping in the dining room, on our matress for the last 9 months (finally got back into our bedroom last week), I havent slept. Maybe averaging about 2-3 hours a night. Did I mention waking up every hour and a half to empty my bladder? Yyyyea, about that.

I keep saying how I want to get back into blogging. Has it happened? Not so much. But here goes:

I just read an article on here, about someone who feels as though she missed out on her honeymoon period. I had to comment, thinking to myself how much I feel the same.

My husband, Dominic and I got married mid-October. I was 5 months pregnant at our wedding. It was a small wedding at an outdoor garden with 15 of our closest family members. At the time I was getting along with one of his sisters, and things seemed to be fairly good. Well thought kicked into her mind, that since she has diabetes and a thyroid condition, and she can't have kids, that if she can't be happy, then no one can be happy, and proceded to put as much stress on a 3rd trimester pregnancy, as possible. I'm now 35/36 weeks pregnant.
In addition to the in-law stress, I lost my job 5 weeks into this pregnancy. They didnt want to deal with the doctor absences so found a reason to fire me. Unemployment has been hell, and

First off, I'm pregnant. So that pretty much gives way for any "bipolar" assumptions. But thats only to my former therapist. To my husband (of nearly two months), he'd really beg to differ.
I guess in the last 6 months, I've gone through *almost* everything that could go wrong at this point, subtracting some major points regarding the pregnancy, which so far, has been fairly good. Being on unemployment, which has nearly gone wrong, but hopefully is back on track, losing my grandfather to cancer, no money, which is a typical complain among all newlyweds/parents-to-be. Oh! Don't let me forget the remodeling of the upstairs, which is now going into almost 2 months, sleeping on our queen-sized mattress in the dining room. Uhm, what more? Hm, yes, unable to find a job for the life of me (no, honestly, go to any business within a 50 mile radius, and they'll have seen my name in an application).
Okay, so I know for a 100% sure fact I'll get those typical "Blogging Bullies" who

Is being "stressed" really a good thing? OR even something to fight about?
"I'm more stressed" "No I'm more stressed".
Mine and Dominic's fight seemed to be about this exact topic last night. He said since I've lost my job, he feels unbelievably stressed financially and emotionally. He's been going through alot at work lately; I've been on him so much lately to get this baby room going. We only have about 5 months left until this baby arrives, and we're no where on this room. So naturally I respond to his little rant with "I just got fired... From my job... Because I'm Pregnant....Need I say more?"
This wasnt my attempt at turning our little 'arguement' into a competition, but apparently he took it that way, and flipped out on me at about midnight.
Now, I'm again, not turning this into a competition. We are both equally stressed, but, when I'm stressed, I dont show it the way he does. I dont take it out on him the way he takes his stress out on me. So It makes it much different