Blog Posts by Monika Basile

Men of a Certain Age Characters
The age of indifference has nothing to do with numbers. It has to do with mindset and what we grow accustomed to, what we allow, what we accept and what we have given up on. I have found this does not conform to an actual timeline or years lived in the world. This has more to do with not caring and not even caring that you're flitting through life unconcerned.

People are people no matter what age they are.

I have been given advice to go for older men. "They are the ones who will take care of you. Who will get you. Who will want to settle down and actually have real relationships."

I have been told by an older man, "We're too old to get emotional about things. We don't need all that seriousness."

My response was, "I'm too young to resign myself to live my life without any emotions involved." Yet, I do not have any belief that my thought or feeling has anything to do with age. Nor do I think his thoughts on the matter have to do with how old he is either. It

Metro crowd.jpgI don't want to date me.

I want to date someone who is different than me. Someone who might open new worlds up or at least make the conversation a bit more exciting than talking to myself. I want to date someone who has similar core values but is not all the same things I am. I don't want to be in competition with my potential mate.

Of course, it is important that dating couples share some common hobbies and interest. It is important to have things to discuss and talk about and activities to share together. It's a good idea to maybe like some of the same music or be able to enjoy a movie together-to like certain things our mate likes. However, we do not have to be clones to share a life together and enjoy our time together.

By the urging of my dear Aunt, whom I have written about before, I joined a dating site she suggested. "Monika, you need to try something new because what you are doing is just not working for you." So I did as she suggested and figured I would

The big bang
Meeting someone for the first time can be something that can cause me to shake in my boots a bit. But I am brave, and I do so anyway. It is difficult enough to wonder what they will think, what I will think, what we will think without also wondering what a crowd of others may think. But as I said...I am brave.

We had agreed to meet for a drink. He would be having dinner with a buddy coming into town and I was teaching a self defense class. We would meet after each event and after I could change my clothes and run a comb through my hair. And then I receive a text, "He is running late, would you be interested in joining us? Unless you are too scared..."

I responded, "I am NOT scared." and agreed to it because sometimes I just cannot turn down a taunt like that. Except I was scared. It is hard enough to be, in a sense on display for one, let alone for two to decide if I muster up to their expectations. I know it really isn't any big deal . You meet, decide if you like each other a bit

Paper with a heart drawn on it and a pencil piercing the heart.
Sometimes I am not a very big person. I like to think I am kind and generous. I like to think that my norm is to be forgiving and understanding. No one is all the time. We are human and we fail at perfection most moments of our days.
I look back on my past relationships and I see I have not always been good at an ending. My thoughts and my feelings and my spirit is sometimes too angry to allow the better things to shine through.

I recall a recent ending, not too recent and not too distant, but close enough that I still think on it. There is a single moment in the ending that I do not regret. Only in one of the moments did I shine in and none of the others.

We had been arguing-Mr. Music and I. This is not something I did or do well. I am not good at sustaining any type of argument as I usually shut down with embarrassment or fear of saying the wrong things and hearing the wrong things thrown back at me. Yet, here I was, arguing-loudly and shamefully acting the fool.

"I don't know

Striped Skunk
His headlights blinded me in the parking lot. He was taller than I expected. Walking into the restaurant I could smell him. That awful smell. I try to explain to people that I have always been ultra sensitive to pheromones since as long as I can remember though when I first noticed it, I didn't know that was what they were called. The smell knocks me out and distracts me. I know it is ridiculous but it is something I can't help and something I can't change unless I suddenly lose my sense of smell.

I can't even describe the odor which has nothing to do with B.O. Freshly showered, it is simply the underlying scent of skin. Something that truly nauseates me. And I know in the first moments, there is no chance, because I cannot kiss someone I can never get close enough to kiss. What is worse, is when a man wears beautiful cologne and I can't smell it until that very first gentle kiss. That is a terrible thing. How can I possibly say to someone, "Sorry Sir, but the smell of you makes me

hearts
This is not the place I expected to be though it is the place of my own doing or undoing depending on if you are an optimist or a pessimist. I look back and I see how everything happens-a chain reaction from decisions and choices I have made that may have seemed inconsequential in the beginning.

Everything counts. We may not realize that in the beginning and sometimes, we may never realize it at all. It doesn't make it not true. It all adds up to our lives, every moment lived, every belly chuckle, every round of weeping, every heartache and ecstasy, every single part of our living of our lives matters in some way. It counted whether the universe was keeping score or not. It all makes a moving difference or it makes a stagnant difference. And sometimes we get so caught up in what we do not have, have not accomplished and the places we have yet to travel to-we forget everything that led us to this place we reside in now.

We forget that we may be lucky even in the midst of tragedy. We

Broken Heart
I am concise in my explanation of what I want and feel I need. I want to share my life and not waste my time. I appreciate those who respect that and move along when they know that we want very different things.

When we are dating, I don't believe it a waste of time to maneuver around each other , or in and out of each others lives to figure out if this "works" or is something that maybe has the chance to be wonderful. That is what dating is for. That is the reason we get to know each other, spend time together etc. It is the reason behind divulging our private lives and thoughts and hopes and dreams.

It is strange though, how few people do actually respect that and take advantage of our hopefulness. I wonder how naive I must still be or how damaged my "picker" has become to not be able to detect the ones who are merely pretending. It is not only men who do this to women, women are just as bad to men. What I cannot seem to comprehend is the "why" of it. Why?

There are so many

All alone
I have been hearing a lot of, "If it's meant to be it will happen without you looking." And "If I were single again, I think I would rather be alone and to myself. I wouldn't want a relationship."

Not true. Not true at all.

If that were true, you would not be in your relationship now. If it was much more exciting to be alone and doing it all alone-you would be. If life with your mate were so terrible you would not be with them if you were as strong and capable as you say you are.

It is easy for someone to say, "I would just be alone and enjoy myself." When they aren't and rarely have been. It is easy to talk that talk when you haven't walked that walk. It is easy to say it and much harder to do.

There are wonderful things about being single. There are joys in being single. I am not denying that in the least. There can be a lot of freedom , and sometimes that very freedom can also chain you in. When there is no one to answer to, to decision make with, to give a damn about what you