Read More »from What Are Your Sexual Scripts?
What are your primary sexual scripts? Most of us have a few scripts that guide the majority of our sexuality. It may be a role or archetype that you try to fit into. It may be a peak sexual experience from the past that you are trying to recreate. Our sexual scripts are informed by and in relationship to the culture we live in. Ever since we were born, we have heard stories, seen movies and witnessed sexual scripts all around us.
Most of us can recall a scene from a movie that permanently shaped our sexual development - a scene that effected us so deeply that we try to emulate it, or capture the emotions of that Hollywood scene. TV shows, rock stars, books, and celebrities can all serve as fodder for the development of our own unique sexual scripts. For some people, sexual scripts are heavily influenced by our family life - either trying to live up to our parents model or trying hard not to recreate our parent's failed marriage. Most people have a sense of what a man "should" be like
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Read More »from What Are Your Sexual Scripts?
Read More »from Reciprocity in the Bedroom
Is there an imaginary scoreboard above your bed? Many couples act as if they need to stay "even" when it comes to giving and receiving pleasure. Yet, reciprocity is not a one-for-one exchange. It is important to make sure both of your needs and desires are being acknowledged, but you may also find that there is a natural balance within your relationship, or phases of your relationship, that are not "equal." Balance does not have to be symmetrical.
What is essential is to check in with yourself and one another and make sure you are not developing any resentment about how much pleasure one person is receiving and how much stimulation the other is giving. If you are both satisfied and fulfilled by your sex life, that is indeed an accomplishment of a harmonious balance.
We teach the essential erotic skills of both giving and receiving more pleasure through touch. Is there room in your relationship for more pleasure? Do you give or receive more often? How do you create a balance with
- PleasureMechanics.com | SATC – Thu, May 27, 2010 6:15 PM EDT
After last night's midnight showing of Sex and The City 2, it is clear that you probably won't go see SATC for the sex advice. Go for the reunion with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. Go for the fashion and extravagance. Just seeing Liza Minnelli perform "Single Ladies" is well worth the price of a ticket.Read More »from 7 Sex Tips from Sex And The City 2 : Make It Sparkle!
But in between the shots of high heels and couture, the Sex and the City ladies offer us an abundance of sex and relationship advice, targeted squarely at those in long term relationships and struggling to keep the "sparkle" of excitement alive.
As sex educators, here are the top 7 lessons we noticed in the film:
1. Take Time Alone How much time do you take to nourish your own needs and desires? Whether you are a busy mom, overworked at your job, or both, taking time to be alone and replenish yourself is essential to a happy relationship and fabulous sex life. No matter how many demands there are on your time, taking a few moments each day to nourish your own needs will go
May is Masturbation Month - so all month long we've been hearing about the latest vibrators, lubes and lotions to get us in the mood for self-stimulation. A new vibrator can be a great thing to experiment with new sensations or add a new flavor to your masturbation routines. But ultimately, masturbation is an act of self-love. But for many people, self-love is really, really hard.Read More »from Beyond Masturbation: The Challenge of Self-Love
The sexual pleasure you can feel is to do with how much you can allow yourself to feel, not the lover you have. Our culture often talks about love and romance as something that happens to us - the perfect lover comes along and sweeps us off our feet. The perfect lover knows exactly what we want and has the secret keys to unlocking our arousal and turn-on. The truth is, no one else can give you pleasure - you can only receive as much pleasure as you allow yourself. Two people can eat the same exact meal, and one may find absolute gastronomic bliss while the other shrugs and complains about too much salt. You
- PleasureMechanics.com | Love + Sex – Tue, May 18, 2010 11:47 PM EDT
When do you experience more joy - when you give a gift to a loved one, or when you receive a present? Tough question, right?Read More »from Giving and Receiving Pleasure: What is your balance?
For most of us, both giving and receiving gifts can be delightful. Giving and receiving gifts is especially wonderful when the present is "just right" - when you give a gift and the recipient exudes delight, having received something that they really wanted and perhaps wouldn't have bought for themselves. Receiving is the same way - when you get a gift that exceeds your expectations, it feels amazing, right? You feel loved, cared for, "seen" and special.
Pleasurable touch is one of the best gifts we can give one another. Touch is the gift of time, of attention, of love. Most of the time, we focus on the pleasure we receive - from a lover, a meal, a sensual experience. Some source outside of ourselves gives us pleasure, which we get to enjoy. All too often, we forget about the pleasure we can experience by giving. Touching our lover and giving them pleasure can
How much noise do you make during sex? The bed squeaking doesn't count - how much noise do you make?Read More »from What Does YOUR Orgasm Sound Like?
Many of us learned our arousal patterns while masturbating as a youth - and a lot of us had to be absolutely quiet for fear of discovery. This arousal pattern of silent enjoyment can stick with people well into adulthood.
People are quiet for other reasons - they don't want the neighbors to hear, or they are worried they will sound silly, or they don't want to sound like a porn star. Notice how much noise you do or don't make during both partnered sex and masturbation. Also notice your response when your partner makes noise - do you find it a turn-on or do you get embarrassed?
Making noise is pleasurable for a few reasons. First, noise serves as an important communication to your partner during sex. If you are getting highly aroused by a particular stroke or sensation, letting them know with your noise can tell them to keep it up without having to use words. While words like "Yes,
- PleasureMechanics.com | Love + Sex – Sat, May 15, 2010 5:39 PM EDT
Like other muscles, the muscles of the pelvic floor can be toned and trained. The pelvic muscles can be strengthened over time, and stronger muscles are capable of stronger contractions, so you can experience stronger orgasms.Read More »from Exercises for Pelvic Strength - and Stronger Orgasms!
A regular practice of pelvic clenches will create a more powerful sensation during arousal and climax. Strengthening these muscles is essential for more sexual pleasure and to maintain your sexual health.
You may have heard pelvic clenches be called Kegels, after Dr. Arnold Kegel, who in 1948 wrote about the sexual health benefits of toning the muscles of the pelvic floor. Clenches are widely endorsed by midwives, doctors, and sex educators alike and are a major practice in the traditions of Tantra and Taoism.
Some describe the Kegel as clenching the muscle you would use to stop the flow of urine. This may be a helpful place to begin finding the muscles of the pelvic floor - but in reality the muscles that start and stops the flow of urine is only one small
- PleasureMechanics.com | Work + Money – Sat, May 15, 2010 3:03 AM EDT
Arousal, Erection, Orgasm and Ejaculation are often considered to be a package deal for men: you can't have one without the other. To enjoy more sexual pleasure and erotic freedom, it is essential to dismantle this myth and understand these events to be complementary experiences that may come in any combination.Read More »from Arousal, Erection, Ejaculation and Orgasm: Not a package deal!
Arousal: An experience of sexual stimulation and pleasure, visual, tactile or otherwise. Can be brief or prolonged, sought-out or spontaneous. The dictionary definition of "arouse" is "to evoke or awaken." This definition reminds us that arousal awakens the erotic part of us that is always within us, a part of our very being. Stimulation from any number of sources can awaken this energy, bringing our attention more fully to our sexuality and desires.
Erection: A physical response, in which the penis is engorged with blood and becomes more rigid. Both men and women have erectile tissue in their genitals, and both men and women can experience erections. Erection pulls the skin of
When you get aroused, where do you feel it? What parts of your body light up with sensation and energy when you climax?Read More »from Full Body Orgasms: Fact or Fiction?
For most people, the genitals are the focus of both arousal and orgasm. We feel sensation where we are being stimulated and where we are paying attention. Most of us choose to focus primarily (or exclusively) on the genitals during sex.
We have been culturally trained to narrow this focus on the genitals, to be as sure as possible we will reach climax. There is a scarcity mentality around orgasm - a goal-oriented way of thinking that makes us desperate to have an orgasm when we can, just in case another opportunity doesn't come around soon enough.
By paying attention only to genital sensation, we develop a pattern of "balloon sex" - we squeeze all of our sensation and focus into a small part of our body, blowing it up until it pops.
Often, the whole body tenses up to concentrate sensation - our legs go stiff, our back and arms contract, our faces sometimes even