Blog Posts by Tayyaba Hassaan

''Screeching tires. A blood curdling scream. A crash.''

Silence

"Laughter. Small hands holding on tight. The world going round and round. Grass. Hair. A hill ; Joy. "

Sirens.

"Whispers. A touch. A look.Bliss."

Running

" 'Mommy catch me!!!' Feet stomping. Squeals of delight. A hug.''

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Sunset. Sand. Water. Family ; Serentity.''

We are going to lose her.

''Light. And Peace.''

No to-do lists. No important business. No homework. No rush to conquer the world.

The few seconds in which her life flashed in front of her eyes carried just one thing.The purest moments of simply ; 'Being'.

''Exhale...''

Today my kids ran up to me, their eyes dancing with excitement.

"Mama" my daughter spluttered, "I found an acorn! We are going to dig the mud and grow an acorn tree!" she announced,pointing at her baby brother.

With every word, her tongue made an 'ssssssssss' sound at the end as the air swished out from the gap where her two front teeth used to be.

She gave me a huge toothless smile.

I laughed and hugged her tight and said 'You are so beautiful'. She smiled wider, ''Mama you always think that'' and then bounced out to grow the acorn tree, with my two year old son bouncing in tow.

It's funny, ever since she has lost her teeth, whenever I see her smile, my heart melts.

I have truly not seen a more beautiful smile, as one with gaps in it.

When she lost her first tooth, she asked me ''Do you think I look weird?''

"NO!" I said, "Why?"

"I don't know" she responded, "but tell me, do you think I look weird?"

I told her she looked even more beautiful

To school, through school, and home again.
















Today my daughter graduated from kindergarten.

The emotions I feel are hard to describe.

As clichéd as it sounds I still remember the first time I held her in my arms. I remember being mesmerized by her dark eyes. As if they still held secrets from the world they had come from. Wide awake and looking right into my soul.

I remember the feeling that took over me, the feeling which is more powerful than love, more powerful than any other emotion I had felt before that. I don't have a name for that emotion. Only a mother knows that emotion and understands it. It was like no one and nothing else mattered anymore.

I remember waiting for an eternity before that moment when I held her. In reality, the first time I held her was an hour after I gave birth to her. The one hour I was forced to wait to go to the NICU to hold my daughter, who had to be admitted because of the unbearably long delivery, was the longest I suffered and cried through. That one hour was longer than

Mother' Love














This mother's day, I forgot my mother's birthday.

My mother, who remembers all of her five children's birthdays. Who remembers her children's childrens' birthdays. If she was ever to forget, I don't think any of us would let her forget about that for a while!

If my kids cough too hard I know I can call my mom at 3 in her morning and she will tell me 10 things I can do to soothe my child. She will call back, again and again to check up on us, forgetting about her own sleep, and telling me to get some rest even though it will be afternoon at my end.

If I have to vent about how someone wronged me, I know I can call my mother and she will tell me exactly what I need to hear. She will make me see the other person's perspective; I learnt how to put myself in another person's shoes from my mom. She taught us never to judge people or look down on anyone. She always said you have to understand that there must have been a reason for that person's actions. You have to understand the

What are manners? Mommy and daddy never mentioned anything about those? 'So what do u do all day, socialize?' asked a saccharine voice.

I could hear, under coatings of sugar, the hidden barb.

I looked at the nearly 30 year old single 'girl' and for a second I thought, 'Should I really tell her what I do?'

All I said was, 'No I don't see my friends all day. I take care of my kids.'

What I decided not to do, was explain to her what exactly 'taking care of kids' means. Because, I figured, if she's lucky, and smart enough, she might have kids of her own someday. And then she will understand what taking care of kids entails.

I guess I sound annoyed. Well I am. Just a tad. Ha!

I raised my kids for the last 6 years. I gave up my sanity. My sleep. My wants and needs. I gave up my identity for 6 years to raise my kids and to be a mother and a mother alone. And to be the best mother I could be. Every day was a struggle. Every day, a sacrifice. Yet I chose to do so.

But because I chose to live my life a certain way does not mean I do

Okay so I have to admit I was also a bit grossed out when I saw Alicia Silverstone chew her baby's food in her mouth for a good 10 seconds, then feed the baby from her mouth.

But really, what is all the hoopla about? I have seen people talk about everything from passing herpes to HIV to making out with the child. It is absurd!
I am sure if she had HIV, not only she, but the entire world would know about it. If she had herpes, she would not feed her son like that. If its 'cute' for a dog to lick a child till he's dripping with the dog's saliva, why is it so wrong for a mother to do it! If anything, the saliva could possibly build his immune system, thanks to the 'bacteria' in it.

Also, its common knowledge, HIV does not spread through saliva! Mothers carrying HIV virus cannot breast feed their child but they are not forbidden to kiss their child or share his spoon.

Before my son grew his teeth, I used to chew his food for him a bit, then hand feed him the food.