Blog Posts by SoCalResident

Shock and disbelief await you when you go online dating. Just be aware.
Just when I dared to dip my toes back into the dating pool of "online dating," I made a self-discovery: I was determined to do it right this time. I'd been on 'Plenty of F**ks', (as a funny character named it on an anonymous forum [thanks for that, F_U_Duck]), and gave up on the whole "online dating" thing over a year ago.

In retrospect, I think I just wasn't ready to start dating again. But I've been "working out" emotionally, and read lots of material since then, and feel confident about going in for a second round. Plus, my brain is super muscular by now. *flexes muscles in brain*

(not to plenty of f**ks, but OKCupid is ringing my bell so far).

So what is my vast knowledge in online dating? Well not much, other than how to create the best profile. But, here are my little "nuggets of wisdom" I've picked up on by myself (and ironically, the relationship coach I'm freelancing for now advises the same. Phew, saved myself hundreds of dollars by using "common sense").

Don't take

Ashton Kutcher accused of cheating on Demi Moore, and Moore is tweeting too many pictures of herself!
There are mean folks out there. And if you haven't had your heart broken yet, you are either a teenager, or have been avoiding people all together. Where's your cave? I'd like to move in with you.

Let's be honest: there is no black and white when it comes to relationships. There is merely a lot of gray. Gray clouds. Gray matter. Gray smoke-- you get the drill.

When it comes to doing the doozy of bad behavior, what is bad and what is worse? Better put, what is down right unacceptable? Here are the categories:

Cheating on someone vs. being passive aggressive?
Um, cheating is probably the ultimate form of passive aggression, and if you're unaware of the symptoms, passive aggressive means that you don't tell someone when something's bothering you, you SHOW them with your acts of revenge. I vote cheating in this department.

Apathetic or nagging?
Are you more likely to ignore your significant other because you've grown tired of them, or do you perpetually chisel away at them using

SocalResident when she was anonymous.

It's been a hearty two years of self-discovery since my marriage ended. I've spent countless hours reading articles about dating, books written by psychologists about relationships, and writing about my own experiences. The chronicles were comically detailed in my many blogs about my dating disasters (those where fun, so I guess it did serve some purpose). I wish I had happy stories to tell, and I always did when they showed up. But they were always short-lived. Hence my ability to combine humor with heartbreak.

Signal Doris Day singing "Que-sera-sera!"

So what have I learned from all the dating advice by experts both male and female breaking it down to brain function, how to appeal to the opposite sex, and emotional differences? Absolutely nothing! I'm more confused now than when I started soul-searching the topic of love and finding a soul mate. Why, you ask? Because I haven't seen as many mixed-up concoctions since I visited the local bar.

Here are some of the contradicting bits

You and I go back quite a bit
and yet, I'm more attracted to you every year.
It took me some time to get used to you
but now I can appreciate all that you are.
In my darkest moments you've given me comfort.
When I felt great joy, we celebrated together.
You've given me such depth of feelings
inspiring me to create expressions of art.
When everyone else turned their backs on me
you were always here, making me feel better, just by knowing you're close by.
You've never lied to me, cheated on me or hurt me (at least intentionally).
You've shared countless days making my life so much more enriched.
I know how desirable you are to so many others,
and I am so happy to have you to myself.
I tell all my friends about how much I look forward to our time spent together.
And as I look back, there are so many happy memories you've been a part of.
No matter what, I am grateful to have you in my life
and will forever hold you dear to me, whatever the future brings.
So now, I'd like

betrayal
As a writer, my passion is reaching out and touching people with my words. Equally as moved am I by the gracious comments left by some exceptional readers. I'm profoundly grateful to the kind words of others who share their thoughts. Their empathy and words of inspiration are the fuel for my soul to continue doing what I love best.

The reason I was put on this Earth is to provide my copious love, and offer help to those who need it. For anyone who wants to contact me about dating advice or just to vent/rant/rave, please contact me through my other writing sources. Here are a few:

Hubpages.com

Examiner.com

Thanks once again for all the caring souls who reach out and touch me with their kindness. There is greatness in this world. That thought is like a universal hug that is always comforting me, no matter what darkness I am in. It's humbling to feel love from people you've never seen, but their compassion is real, and embraced. Never give up hope in love, It comes in the most

moods

How can you cry tears of sorrow for a person you've never laid eyes on? Why does it hurt so much to be cast aside by someone you've never even held in your arms? I don't know how or why, but it is as real as the salty tears that fall today.

Just when I was getting comfortable thinking that a true and deep love was just not in my cards for this lifetime, along came the dark knight. We were both looking for answers to why we couldn't share the kind of love and closeness that we hoped for all our lives. He found me by reading my words, and recognized that we both wanted the same things. His view of life mirrored mine. He knew my deepest thoughts, fears and emotions from reading my comments and blogs over time. One day, he found the courage to make a connection by messaging me. His view of the world, ability to love unconditionally, and Midas touch with words made me fall into a deep admiration that almost frightened me. He could make me feel brighter than the sun's rays when he spoke of

confusionSo I've been outed by this site.... everyone can see me. I'm OK with that. But why is it so confusing now? I miss seeing the reader comments on my blogs. Why is it that everything that you know, like and get used to becomes updated and confusing (like facebook)? Does anyone like the new face of Shine? I miss conversing with chatter on here. Now I'm dazed and confused like a kid who is separated from her parents in a busy shopping mall. Waaaahhhhhh!

Being a love addict can be a good thing. Not everyone is capable of feeling such deep emotions, and to have them is a gift. So, with that said, here is my tribute to those who love love....

I would do anything for love, like:

• Pull up my roots and head for the hills. Happiness is loving, and if you find it in a rural town in the outskirts of nowhere, go for it! How often does lightning strike twice? Or emotionally available men knock on your door? Or a deep, meaningful, emotional connection happen in your current life? Yeah, I'd relocate to be by the side of someone who "gets me."
• Start out from scratch, but this time, with a guy who's worth it. I've given up everything in the name of love. But I was bamboozled, and the "love" was smoke and mirrors combined with rose-colored glasses. Imagine how awesome life could be to start from zero with a real hero, and make your destiny grow together? Ah, the beauty of happy endings--or happy "new beginnings."