SocalResident when she was anonymous.
It's been a hearty two years of self-discovery since my marriage ended. I've spent countless hours reading articles about dating, books written by psychologists about relationships, and writing about my own experiences. The chronicles were comically detailed in my many blogs about my dating disasters (those where fun, so I guess it did serve some purpose). I wish I had happy stories to tell, and I always did when they showed up. But they were always short-lived. Hence my ability to combine humor with heartbreak.
Signal Doris Day singing "Que-sera-sera!"
So what have I learned from all the dating advice by experts both male and female breaking it down to brain function, how to appeal to the opposite sex, and emotional differences? Absolutely nothing! I'm more confused now than when I started soul-searching the topic of love and finding a soul mate. Why, you ask? Because I haven't seen as many mixed-up concoctions since I visited the local bar.
Here are some of the contradicting bits
Blog Posts by SoCalResident
- SoCalResident | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 7, 2012 11:23 PM EST
SocalResident when she was anonymous.Read More »from Enough with All the Mixed Messages About Love, or My Head Will Explode!
You and I go back quite a bitRead More »from A Thank You to My Love
and yet, I'm more attracted to you every year.
It took me some time to get used to you
but now I can appreciate all that you are.
In my darkest moments you've given me comfort.
When I felt great joy, we celebrated together.
You've given me such depth of feelings
inspiring me to create expressions of art.
When everyone else turned their backs on me
you were always here, making me feel better, just by knowing you're close by.
You've never lied to me, cheated on me or hurt me (at least intentionally).
You've shared countless days making my life so much more enriched.
I know how desirable you are to so many others,
and I am so happy to have you to myself.
I tell all my friends about how much I look forward to our time spent together.
And as I look back, there are so many happy memories you've been a part of.
No matter what, I am grateful to have you in my life
and will forever hold you dear to me, whatever the future brings.
So now, I'd like
betrayalRead More »from Much Love to All.
As a writer, my passion is reaching out and touching people with my words. Equally as moved am I by the gracious comments left by some exceptional readers. I'm profoundly grateful to the kind words of others who share their thoughts. Their empathy and words of inspiration are the fuel for my soul to continue doing what I love best.
The reason I was put on this Earth is to provide my copious love, and offer help to those who need it. For anyone who wants to contact me about dating advice or just to vent/rant/rave, please contact me through my other writing sources. Here are a few:
Thanks once again for all the caring souls who reach out and touch me with their kindness. There is greatness in this world. That thought is like a universal hug that is always comforting me, no matter what darkness I am in. It's humbling to feel love from people you've never seen, but their compassion is real, and embraced. Never give up hope in love, It comes in the most
moodsRead More »from The 'What If' Legacy.
How can you cry tears of sorrow for a person you've never laid eyes on? Why does it hurt so much to be cast aside by someone you've never even held in your arms? I don't know how or why, but it is as real as the salty tears that fall today.
Just when I was getting comfortable thinking that a true and deep love was just not in my cards for this lifetime, along came the dark knight. We were both looking for answers to why we couldn't share the kind of love and closeness that we hoped for all our lives. He found me by reading my words, and recognized that we both wanted the same things. His view of life mirrored mine. He knew my deepest thoughts, fears and emotions from reading my comments and blogs over time. One day, he found the courage to make a connection by messaging me. His view of the world, ability to love unconditionally, and Midas touch with words made me fall into a deep admiration that almost frightened me. He could make me feel brighter than the sun's rays when he spoke of
confusionSo I've been outed by this site.... everyone can see me. I'm OK with that. But why is it so confusing now? I miss seeing the reader comments on my blogs. Why is it that everything that you know, like and get used to becomes updated and confusing (like facebook)? Does anyone like the new face of Shine? I miss conversing with chatter on here. Now I'm dazed and confused like a kid who is separated from her parents in a busy shopping mall. Waaaahhhhhh!
- SoCalResident | Love + Sex – Fri, Oct 28, 2011 5:16 PM EDT
Being a love addict can be a good thing. Not everyone is capable of feeling such deep emotions, and to have them is a gift. So, with that said, here is my tribute to those who love love....
I would do anything for love, like:
- Pull up my roots and head for the hills. Happiness is loving, and if you find it in a rural town in the outskirts of nowhere, go for it! How often does lightning strike twice? Or emotionally available men knock on your door? Or a deep, meaningful, emotional connection happen in your current life? Yeah, I'd relocate to be by the side of someone who "gets me."
- Start out from scratch, but this time, with a guy who's worth it. I've given up everything in the name of love. But I was bamboozled, and the "love" was smoke and mirrors combined with rose-colored glasses. Imagine how awesome life could be to start from zero with a real hero, and make your destiny grow together? Ah, the beauty of happy endings--or happy "new beginnings."
- SoCalResident | Love + Sex – Fri, Oct 14, 2011 5:11 PM EDT
Is it just me, or has the subject of dating and relationships never been as complicated as it is in modern times? Remember when dating meant that a gentlemen would ask the lady out on date, and he would show up with a bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates to set the mood? Then, the romance would continue with the opening of doors, pulling out of chairs, wining and dining the lady, followed by the ever polite man escorting his date to her door, kissing her hand, or cheek, if she let him, and a promise (that was kept by the man) to call her later for a second date.
Fast forward to today when a guy goes on chat with a female friend from Facebook, asks to meet for coffee, and then they "hang out" for a few hours while they break the ice. This is followed by a possible dinner date (where it's perfectly acceptable to go Dutch), and then more "hanging out" at his place or hers. There's more kissing and grinding on the couch than intelligent conversations under the ambiance ofRead More »from A user asks: Would you be able to identify your stage of dating?
There is a difference between a "Nice Guy" and a "Good Man," as was recently brought to my attention. In a previous blog, I tried to pinpoint the characteristics of a "Nice Guy" (since I've been successful at bypassing him in life thus far), but a "Good Man" goes above and beyond our general idea of Mr. Nice Guy. His chivalry and actions, rather than words (or promises), define him as a quality human being. He's like the Platinum Card of men created in this world, and I would love to get an upgrade from my poor credit history.
So, here is my updated version of the ideal man (although, even a "nice guy" would be an upgrade from the emotionally unavailable men I keep getting issued with):
A Good man:
- sends you warm wishes, kind words, and his best intentions because he truly cares for you. Or, he'll "say it like it is," because he cares about you.
- takes care of his family because it's the honorable thing to do. He is a good father and provider. If he has to earn
My life has become dedicated to helping others who are struggling with issues of the heart, so please pass this along to anyone who needs guidance. Take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm human-- not perfect. But my heart is in the right place (and, hopefully, I can make a few people laugh).
With that said, here's my list for hopeful romantics to "get `er done":
1. We will not be desperate. You heard me. Live your life; enjoy your passions. Put the cell phone down, and stop texting. For the love of God... let the guy pursue you.
2. We'll give "Mr. Nice Guy" a chance and stop dating the player. Please cease and desist from giving away your goods to a man you barely know.
3. We'll teach Nice Guy a few of the player's bedroom moves. Passion is fun, after all.
4. We will not shave our legs before a first date. We need a little insurance policy. You know what I'm talking about.
5. We will engage in PDA. When we're not in church, all deals are off!
6. WeRead More »from 25 Dating Commandments For Strong Women
- SoCalResident | Love + Sex – Fri, Sep 23, 2011 6:18 PM EDT
A recent article about spotting the men among boys brought up some interesting points in the comments, including some humorous stories from personal experiences.
The subject of what differentiates women from girls was also brought up, inspiring another challenging conversation.
Comedian Louis C.K. describes women as, "when you had a couple of kids and your life is in the toilet. When people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams-- if you're still standing after that s**t, you're a woman!"
In essence, a woman's life experiences and level of maturity have upgraded her to "the gold card" of quality and character. A woman has a sense of humility, grace, and appreciation for the little things, while girls have an entitlement complex, or suffer from being "Daddy's little princess" far too long.
Based on comments from the article, and a Facebook poll later, here's the dating guide of woman vs. girl:
The first date
Woman: shows up on time or early for the date,Read More »from User Post: Is she a woman or a girl? A dating guide for men!