Blog Posts by SoCalResident

A recent article about spotting the men among boys brought up some interesting points in the comments, including some humorous stories from personal experiences.

The subject of what differentiates women from girls was also brought up, inspiring another challenging conversation.

Comedian Louis C.K. describes women as, "when you had a couple of kids and your life is in the toilet. When people come out of your vagina and step on your dreams-- if you're still standing after that s**t, you're a woman!"

In essence, a woman's life experiences and level of maturity have upgraded her to "the gold card" of quality and character. A woman has a sense of humility, grace, and appreciation for the little things, while girls have an entitlement complex, or suffer from being "Daddy's little princess" far too long.

Based on comments from the article, and a Facebook poll later, here's the dating guide of woman vs. girl:

The first date

Woman: shows up on time or early for the date,

As a part of the 12-step recovery from my addiction to love, I've been practicing retrospect, introspect, and circumspect regarding past and future relationships. It occurred to me that I missed words of wisdom advising me about pitfalls of love and what to look out for in a mate when I was young. I asked friends on Facebook what tips they would send themselves in a time machine going back to their youth. Here are some life lessons we'd advise (all you young, hopeless romantics, take heed):

Don't marry too young.

A dear friend of mine posted this, and she had shared her story with me when my ex left. Basically, we both got married and became mothers very young (barely 20 years old). When you're reaching your twenties full of optimism, but no life experience, don't get carried away with "we're destined to be together." Marriage can wait. Know who you are in life, what your goals are, and what you want in a partner before you race to the chapel! Oh, and use protection!

So who exactly is "Mr. Nice Guy?" And more importantly, why haven't I met him yet? Before I get a backlash of "you probably already have, but you ignored him," let me explain myself. Every time I think I meet this mystical creature that is as rare as finding a unicorn, he turns out to be a "Bad Boy" in "Nice Guy" clothing.

I recently read an article on here: http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/do-nice-guys-always-finish-last-2543243/ about how "nice guys finish last," and it had me wondering. Why do they feel like losers? Who are these men, and where can I find one? What am I over-looking?

The article had some interesting points, but so did many of the people who left comments. From what I gathered after reading both, I have a general idea of what a "Nice Guy" is characterized by:

• He isn't the typical, cocky, "I'm God's gift to women" type of guy (aka "the Player"). OK. I got that part. So he's not as physically endowed as some luckier male species, or perhaps lacks the

Maybe you are searching for "the one." Or perhaps you keep dating (and breaking-up with) a person who is totally wrong for you, and don't know why you're unsuccessful in finding a long-term love connection. Here is the main reason:

core values

They are those beliefs, morals and values that matter to us, and what makes us who we are. But one thing no wise man ever told me, is that if you are looking for someone to share your life with, he or she should mirror the intangible things that you hold dear. These values make or break compatibility, so it's imperative to filter out anyone who doesn't share your beliefs before you fall head over heals. And core values have nothing to do with being really, really good looking. For instance:

• What are your religious beliefs? If you are Christian and your love interest is an atheist, there could be potential friction down the line-- especially if you plan to have children together. Someone is bound to be the submissive believer, and

It's no secret. I love to tell my story: my ex was a cheater, and I am now divorced. Some compare the devastation of finding out about infidelity to "post-traumatic stress disorder." I often say that I probably would have preferred my ex just die tragically in an accident. The feeling of loss was the same, only my memory of him would have been a beautiful one. I don't wish the gut-wrenching anguish on anyone-- not even my ex who broke my heart.

Needless to say, my world was turned upside down, and I am a different person today because of it. Because of my life-changing events, I've found a purpose in life: namely, to help others with my experience and insight through writing.

A potential client contacted me to write creative stories about cheating. He let me know that it's not the usual "how to get over your spouse cheating" article, but a much more sinister twist. He wants me to write a fictional (or real) story about how to maneuver cheating (and getting away with it)

Last night, as I watched one of my favorite shows, The New Adventures of Old Christine, I had a good laugh about the subject matter. (In case you're unaware, the show is about a quirky woman who's divorced and living as a single mom). Basically, Old Christine (who is so similar to me, it's uncanny) was set up on a blind date with a notably younger man. I began pondering the thought of being set up with such a guy myself. He was quite the eye candy-- much like a young Tom Welling from Smallville. No need for me to wonder: I would totally go for him! Hey, anyone want to set me up?

So, is it acceptable for an older woman (aka "cougar") to date a younger man? My immediate answer to this would be "no." I'm not a prude, but admit that I'm a tad bit old-fashioned. If someone is young enough to be your child, it's a kind of unnatural connection, at least romantically speaking. Or maybe I haven't matured to the stage of over-looking something like a person's age. I'm stumped.

All of your love-life (and life in general) questions can be answered with another question. I didn't realize how simple it was until I had a deep conversation about love and relationships with another woman going through divorce (just as I recently have). When she heard about my problems with repeatedly dating emotionally unavailable men (or just Mr. Wrong), she asked me a simple question: do you deserve to be treated that way?

My immediate answer was, "no!" And then the ton of bricks fell over my head-not technically of course, but the weight of the profound statement sent sudden shocks into my system.

People can only treat you how you allow them to treat you.

How did I not realize something staring at me square in the face? Well, yeah! I know I'm a good person, capable of tremendous love and respect, and by all means, deserve that in return. It makes so much sense, that if it would have slapped me across the face, I could not have been more surprised by how the

Reading through some comments on an older blog, I saw someone gave me a bit of advice I felt I should share. It was directed to my blog about how "beauty has been the biggest hindrance so far in finding love," and what he/she suggested was so simple, yet so brilliant, I couldn't believe that it never crossed my mind. Instead of waiting for someone who isn't intimidated by beauty (usually jerks) to ask me out, why not make the first step and ask the man of my choice out on a date? Well, "hello!" Where has that thought been all my life?

The ever-so-rare "nice guy" is someone I have seldom been blessed with asking me out (or at least sticking around). But who's to say that I can't take the initiative and do the asking in the first place? When you see the qualities you are seeking in someone (or at least what you see in their outward appearance), why not cut the "fat" of losers who come knocking on your door, and just ask out the kind of guy you see potential in? It makes all