Advice from three of EM & LO's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him? What if it's obvious we really like each other, the chemistry's great, we have a lot in common, and we're both horny?"
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years while the woman's heart oh so steadily burns and yearns and he tries to satisfy himself on a nightly basis, Onan-style, until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation. In the 21st century, sex on the first date could very well just mean that you "have a lot in common and were both horny." Sex doesn't always complicate, nor is it always a barrier to further emotional intimacy. On the contrary, in fact. Consider all the gay couples around the world who
Blog Posts by EMandLO.com
Crossed legsRead More »from Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?
Love, Breakups & Single Parenthood: An Interview with This Week's NYTimes "Modern Love" Writer, Laurie SandellBy EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Apr 3, 2013 11:03 AM EDT
Laurie SandellOur good friend, colleague, and fellow shameless Bachelor fan, Laurie Sandell, is a successful freelance magazine writer (Marie Claire, New York, In Style), graphic memoirist (The Impostor's Daughter), nonfiction book author (Truth and Consequences: Life Inside the Madoff Family) and coffee shop dweller (18th Street Coffee Shop in Santa Monica). This past weekend, her wonderful essay "How to Break Up with a Two Year Old" was the "Modern Love" column in the New York Times Styles section this past Sunday -- her first Times piece! In it, she tells her story of how falling in love with a man, then falling in love with his little girl, then eventually having to break up with both of them ultimately convinced her that she wanted a baby no matter what, partner or no. Now 15 weeks pregnant, Laurie did us the honor of answering a few of our nosy questions about it all:Read More »from Love, Breakups & Single Parenthood: An Interview with This Week's NYTimes "Modern Love" Writer, Laurie Sandell
WHEN YOU LINKED TO YOUR ARTICLE ON FACEBOOK, you mentioned the "surprise" at the end -- was this your coming out party to
Friends with benefits...and coffeeDear Em & Lo,Read More »from How to Go from “Friends” to More
I've known this girl "Ashley" since high school band eight years ago. We instantly hit it off as friends the day we met. I know it's cliche, but I've had a crush on her since our first band practice together. She has stated many a time how I'm her "best friend."
However, this past summer we hooked up when both of us were mostly blacked out. That is, we both remember the initial make-out session but don't remember how we woke up in the same bed. We also have yet to directly talk about that night. In addition, we hold hands in a "more than friend way" whenever we walk somewhere while inebriated.
My questions for you are as follows: What are your thoughts on very good friends trying to become more than friends? What are some signs that one friend might have strong feelings for the other friend and, in your experience(s), is it worth it when two good friends try to date?
Thanks for the help,
Best Friend Wants More
You had us at "high school band." At least, you
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Mar 26, 2013 12:01 PM EDT
A healthy bowl of Grape Nuts can improve your sex life... seriously!Improving your sex life isn't always about switching positions or adding more lube (though those things can help, too). Here are ten everyday things you can do to improve your sex life.Read More »from Top 10 Unsexy Things that Can Improve Your Sex Life
1. Get a good night's sleep.
When you're tired or stressed you feel unsexy and irritable. And have you ever noticed how, after a bad night's sleep, you're always disappointed by your reflection in the mirror? Bad body image leads to bad or no sex. Plus, tired people tend to choose more sleep over sex. On the other hand, well-rested people have more energy and feel more positive toward the people around them. And yes, by "more positive" we mean "can't wait to jump their bones."
2. Go to the gym.
Endorphins and improved blood flow from exercise mimic sexual desire, which sneakily puts you in the mood. The improved body image you'll experience after a work-out doesn't hurt either.
3. Get an STD checkup.
Because knowledge is power and power is sexy and knowing about your own body is the sexiest power there
Marina & Ulay
Last week, we stumbled upon Zen Garage's post about a 2010 performance art piece by Marina Abramovic at her MoMa retrospective, in which she shared a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Back in the 70s, she had an intense love affair with a fellow artist by the name of Ulay, but after a twelve year relationship they decided to part ways by walking towards each other from opposite ends of the Great Wall of China, meeting in the middle and saying goodbye, never to see each other again. During her performance at MoMa, Ulay showed up unexpectedly as just another museum goer, sitting across from her for one minute in silence, sharing an intense emotional connection, and then quietly walking away:
We tweeted last week that this video is a metaphor for Facebook. Here's why:
Facebook has gotten a lot of flack for being a marriage killer - exes get in touch, rekindle old flames, and leave their current partners in order to chase dreams of the past.Read More »from Lost Love, Performance Art & Facebook
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Mar 13, 2013 8:34 PM EDT
Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee!Hi Em & Lo,Read More »from Dear Em & Lo: I’m a College Freshman Who’s Never Been Kissed
So I'm a freshman in college and I have never dated before or even been kissed. Sometimes I really feel like I'm missing out. I'm pretty friendly, but is it bad that I still haven't had a relationship yet? What should I do? Help!
Never Been Kissed
Regular readers to EMandLO.com will know that we're pretty prudish when it comes to talking about our own sex lives. For one thing, we think it's a mistake to assume that what's true for us will be true for you. And for another, we're prudes! There are plenty of other sex columnists out there willing to bare it all (sometimes quite literally: We once saw Tristan Taormino insert a butt plug live on stage!), and more power to them. That's just not our bag.
That said, we'll make an exception today. This is from Em:
I didn't have my first kiss until the summer before I went off to college, so I had barely been kissed when I showed up as a college freshman. I never dated in high school, never kissed anyone,
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Mar 12, 2013 1:03 PM EDT
The Bachelor cast with Sean1. Never be a narc. It won't get you laid or married. Ever. (We're talking to you, Kacie.)Read More »from Top 10 Lessons Learned from the Bachelor, Season 17, “The Return of Sean’s Abs”
2. If you want your music career to go nowhere, get booked on The Bachelor (even more effective if the couple you're supposed to perform for breaks up before you strum your first note).
3. If you're going to an amusement park for a date, wear sensible shoes and an outfit with a sensible hemline, ESPECIALLY if your date is basically wearing gym shorts.
4. "Accidentally" pooping your pants might actually be an effective way to garner sympathy and attention from a man (or at least Sean). For example, after the faux stairway spill and the fabricated baby breakdown in the club hallway, we were surprised this wasn't one of Tierra's later tactics. Future Bachelor contestants take note.
5. The volleyball competition will now become the obligatory group date for every future season of The Bachelor. (Let us pray the same can be said for every future season of The Bachelorette.)
6. Missing an appendage
Bride and Groom Kissing - Wikimedia CommonsDriver's licenses expire. Professional licenses expire. Even dog licenses expire. But marriage licenses are for life! On the one hand, this is kind of the whole point of marriage, right? That you can't just walk away from each other, that you are committed, even when things get tough, even when your kids are keeping you up all night, even when you've been so busy at work that you've taken each other for granted for months at a time, even when you've aged beyond all recognition since the day you met and fell in love. There's a comfort to knowing that you don't have to decide to stay together: You are together. Period.
• My Husband Isn't Interested in Sex with Me •
But on the other hand... Would we be less likely to take each other for granted if we did have to decide to stay together? We're not talking annual renewal, a la Heidi Klum and Seal (because look how well that worked out for them), but rather every seven years. (Did you know that human cells renew every sevenRead More »from Should Marriage Vows Expire Every 7 Years?
The TalkWe get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.Read More »from How Do You Know when It's Time for "The Talk"?
I have been single for several years. I am a divorced forty year old woman with an almost 18-year-old son. I've been divorced for 7 years and have only been in one serious relationship and have had 2 short lived "flings" and now this. I've been seeing a 30 year old guy (single, never married, no kids) for about 4 months now.
Firstly, I don't know how to date. Early on I freaked out because I was developing feelings and got scared and had a meltdown. We talked it out and I put all my feelings out there and since then I have just tried to be honest about how I feel. I haven't played the game of playing hard to get or any of that. If I want to see him or talk to him I contact him and tell him.
He is a very reserved guy and likes a lot of
fish caught on hookFor anyone one feather tickler short of a 150 Shades of Play kit, the below is satire and not intended for actual use (kind of like edible underwear):
Still single, ladies? Well you can kiss your cat-lady status goodbye! Follow these five simple dating tips and you'll never be alone again! Because a loser guy is better than no guy at all. Amen to that!
- Dress to impress. If you've got it, flaunt it. You can't expect a man to go for what you've got without visually sampling some of the goods first. Besides, the more body conscious your outfit, the less you need to rely on your personality to do the heavy lifting on the date. And whatever you do, make sure you always wear high -- we're talking stiletto -- heels: the minuscule sliming effects they'll have on your legs is sooooo worth the corns, blisters, back and joint pain, and the inability to walk like a normal human that you might suffer. Anything for love!
- Always let him pay. We've come a long way, baby. But