a vampire1. Get your blood work done beforehand and make sure you bring condoms: while the undead can't give you any STDs, infections you might have (especially blood-borne infections) can make for an unpleasant experience for your vampire.
2. Don't eat any garlic for at least 72 hours beforehand.
3. Don't give blood for at least a month beforehand: you'll need all your reserves.
4. Remove any cross necklaces.
5. Avoid aggressive French kissing, lest you nick your tongue on their teeth (if you've ever bitten your own tongue, you'll understand how painful this can be).
6. Request that your biting coincide with an orgasm -- the rush of endorphins will help ease any pain, plus your increased heart rate will feel extra nice to your vampire.
7. Audible moaning to show you're enjoying this pleasure-pain is always appreciated by a vampire.
8. Make sure you pack a snack (like a juice box and cookies) to eat immediately afterward to help with any wooziness.
9. Expect to be kicked out before sun
Blog Posts by EMandLO.com
a vampire1. Get your blood work done beforehand and make sure you bring condoms: while the undead can't give you any STDs, infections you might have (especially blood-borne infections) can make for an unpleasant experience for your vampire.Read More »from How to Have Sex with a Vampire*
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Thu, Oct 25, 2012 10:09 AM EDT
Tina Fey, San Diego Comic Con, 2010We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.Read More »from Your Call: How Can He Find Women Who Are Hot and Smart?
Dear Em & Lo,
About five months ago I broke up with my girlfriend of two years and have met someone new. The other day the new girl and I were talking about various things, ideas, etc., which led me to discover that this new girl is significantly dumber (like really stupid) compared to my previous girlfriend. My problem is that I'm really worried about having a relationship with her, because my ex was extremely intelligent. I go to a top school, I have a high IQ, and I value intelligence. I like to make fun of dumb girls. I feel really disappointed (since the new girl is hot, like a 9 or a 10, which I also value) and I know that my ex set a really high standard. Am I bad person for only liking girls who are extremely smart?
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Oct 24, 2012 1:28 PM EDT
R2-D2Read More »from Wise Guys: What's the Best Costume You've Ever Seen a Woman Wear?
Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What's the best Halloween costume you've ever seen a woman wear?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): I once saw a nerdy Lisa Loeb-looking girl dressed in a full R2-D2 costume. It was elaborately constructed, included a drink holder, a bench to sit down, electronic beeping noises, and a glory hole. A GLORY HOLE. Absolutely amazingly nerd-sexy.
Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): By far, little Edie (aka Edith Bouvier Beale from Grey Gardens), complete with a sweater-wig, gold brooch, and crazy eyes. Which is to say, no straight man will go near you. BUT: all the gays will lose it over you on 7th avenue (so recluse chic!).
Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): Slutty Dorothy! On second thought, Slutty Native American! No, Slutty Tinkerbell! Actually, Slutty Zombie! Anything sexually provocative. Let your freak flag fly. Wear something you never
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Thu, Oct 18, 2012 11:10 PM EDT
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Oct 16, 2012 10:29 AM EDT
Vintage phoneRead More »from Can Long-Distance Relationships Ever Work? and for How Long?
Each week, three of EMandLO.com's guy friends share their advice. This week they answer the following: " Can long-distance relationships ever work? If so, how, and for how long? " Click here to ask the guys your own question.
Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo): Some people like the structured aspect of a relationship: getting off from work, heading home, cooking dinner, and talking to their sweetheart to find out what s/he did today. And this can all be achieved with distance. For some people, this isn't boring at all. It's like the missionary position of relationships - many of us would sigh at its boredom, but for some couples it really does the trick. If you need a few more metaphorical positions in your romantic interactions, this set up just isn't sustainable. If you know it's going to be less than a year or that you can commute back and forth every other weekend, you can probably bring enough energy to the relationship to make it last. Otherwise you might need to switch
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Fri, Oct 12, 2012 4:10 PM EDT
Olivia Wilde is one of those actresses we are completely familiar with (thanks Us Weekly!) without having a clue about her career. We're assuming she plays exotic queens in far off lands from long, long ago whose beauty knights kill for? And apparently she was in some TV show? Suffice it to say, she's no Meryl Streep-or Lena Dunham, for that matter. So we were surprised to hear that she dished some seriously deep thoughts about her vagina in a recent appearance. The event was "These Girls," a night of monologues hosted by Glamour magazine at Joe's Pub in New York City earlier this week. She told the audience (which included her current boyfriend, SNL's Jason Sudeikis) that when her previous marriage ended, "I felt like my vagina died. Turned off. Lights out. ... And you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina."
In an interview with NY mag's Vulture after the show, she elaborated,Read More »from Deconstructing Olivia Wilde's Deep Thoughts About Her Nether Regions
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Oct 10, 2012 5:30 PM EDT
I'm not sure if I'm going to word this correctly, but here it goes. I'm 20 years old and am engaged to a wonderful man who has blessed me with a son. Before I met him I had a bad life and I had been raped 3 times. Lately during sex we have talked about what we could experiment with but rape fantasies are all I can think about. I've looked up on Google to see if anyone else has a similar question but no one has. I'm concerned that these "fantasies" aren't normal for a rape victim. I know studies show that women like to be dominated but for a rape victim it should be different. In your opinion, should I seek mental help? Or do you think this is normal for me?
-- Confused & Conflicted
First, let us start out by saying we are not professional therapists or medical professionals. But as writers on the topic of sexuality for the past 15 years, everything we've read and heard about rape fantasies -- or, as we prefer to call them, ravishmentRead More »from Are My Rape Fantasies Normal...If I'm a Rape Survivor?
In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Joy of Sex (1972), the Guardian's Observer just chose the top 10 best sex guides ever. A friend of ours on Facebook gave us a heads up about the list, saying they saved the best for last. Yes, we're honored to say our illustrated guide SEX: How to Everything is #10! And we feel so privileged to be included alongside the likes of The Kama Sutra, Ovid's The Art of Love and the late 60s classic Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Here's what they had to say about why you should really check out SEX: How to Everything -- we couldn't agree more!: SEX: How to Everything: A sex guide for the Agent Provocateur generation, this handsome 2008 coffee-table volume was written by sex columnists Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey and explicitly shot by A-list photographer Rankin. New Yorkers "Em & Lo" were described in this newspaper as "real-life Carrie Bradshaws, the Trinny and Susannah of blow jobs". Their unisex but especiallyRead More »from The Guardian Picks the Best 10 Sex Guides EVER
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Oct 3, 2012 10:59 AM EDT