Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

Advice from three of EM & LO's guy friends. This week a woman asks, "Is there such a thing as harmless flirtation? When does it cross the line? Is the line different for men and women?"

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): Sure - there are plenty of harmless flirtations. Most flirtations, I think, are harmless. The question of line-crossing is really an individual one, determined by your partner (and yes, I think, generally, women do have lower tolerance for this than guys). Some people you date may think a simple flirt is a great betrayal. Others are really into open relationships. It's a good thing to talk about with your partner cuz it's important information on deciding whether or not this person is for you. My experience tells me that actions are more important than words and, to me, cheating is a physical act. But, you know, it doesn't really matter what I think because, in my marriage, I'm not being faithful to myself - I'm being faithful to my wife. And to her ideas of fidelity.

Gay

Every few weeks, Dr. Vanessa Cullins, a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America, answers your questions on EMandLO.com. To ask her your own question, click here.


Dear Dr. Vanessa,

My areolas are hairy -- what can I do?!

-- Sasquatch


Dear S,

In general having some hair on the areola, the circle of skin around the nipple, is perfectly normal. It's just another area where body hair is likely to grow. There is no need to do anything about it. If you do decide you want to remove the hairs, it is easy to do with scissors or tweezers. Some women use hair removal products designed to use on the face, others have the hairs removed with waxing or electrolysis. Many women pluck them, but others warn that plucking can disturb the hair follicle and cause ingrown hairs or infection.

If a woman has so much hair on her breasts that it seems like a man's chest hair, she may have hirsutism (HER-soot-izm). This is

We've all been there (though not all of us have Justin Timberlake or Mila Kunis on speed dial): Out on the town, feeling good after a cocktail or five, you don't want to go home but you can't stay where you are, and no one has made you any offers you can't refuse yet. So you fish out your phone to daringly (read: desperately) see if one of your acquaintances might take sexual pity on you. It's a recipe for disaster. But if you insist on doing it again (and you know you will), follow these rules to ease everyone's pain:

1. Text, don't call. Text messages were practically invented for booty calls! Slurring goes unnoticed, grammar is irrelevant, and if they're not around, you won't embarrass yourself with a rambling voicemail message.

2. When in doubt, be clever rather than crass. A little cheeky banter, some playful innuendo, a compliment or two to fluff up the ego (among other body parts) will usually work way better than a cheap crotch shot. Well, they'll work better on

Dear Em & Lo,

A male acquaintance recently started a conversation about "ugly" vaginas with my friends and me. He said that some vaginas resemble "kebabs" and that a lot of guys are really put off sex when they get a hot girl naked and find that her vagina isn't as "neat" as they imagined it would be. It made me feel really self-conscious about my own, even though I never have been before.

Anyways, as I have never really seen many vaginas before, I decided to Google "ugly vaginas." I was curious about what an ugly vagina actually is, and whether mine was one of them. Oh my god! I was shocked. What I thought was normal is actually "kebab-like"!!!! There were images of "beautiful" and "ugly" vaginas. The Vagina Institute in particular compares the two. The "beautiful" ones have plump outer labia and you can't see the inner labia poking out from them...but the ugly ones are just like mine, when you can see the inner lips slightly.

It has made me feel so self-conscious. I

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What do men think about female ejaculation?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Good question but hard to answer. I think the most important thing you can say about female ejaculation is that the best-selling book that introduced the idea of G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation, The G Spot: And Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality, has a whole chapter devoted to the principle that "the best is the enemy of the good." The authors worried specifically that if people obsess over having or (worse, I think) giving G-spot orgasms, they're likely to wind up disappointed with their ordinary old eye-rolling, breathtaking, toe-curling ones.

I've had sex with a couple of partners who "squirt" at least some of the time. And while obviously everyone's mileage varies, I never got the impression from them that those orgasms were any more enjoyable, or less, than

EMandLO.com contributor Abby Spector, who is majoring in Feminine/Gender/Sexuality Studies at Wesleyan University, confesses her love for body hair:

I am not going to judge silky-smooth-shaved ladies. But here are ten reasons I do NOT own a razor And yes, this means legs, vag, and - gasp - armpit hair.

1. Why should I? I don't like razor burn or the spiky feeling of leg hairs emerging from dry skin.
2. In many ways, I look like the "typical" American girl. I am an average size, have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smile when I'm nervous. There are few ways I can subtly show my rebellious side. I have discovered that a flash of armpit hair does the trick.
3. I'll pass on disrupting the natural course of my body, thank you very much.
4. My sister and mom, two of the most beautiful people I know, do not shave. Actually, I didn't know it was a custom until I got to middle school and my friend insisted that we (she) shave my peach fuzz legs.
5. I'm LAZY!
6. The first guy I

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below or join the debate already in progress here:

Dear Em & Lo,

I broke up with my boyfriend almost three months ago, the reason we broke up is because he was "scared" of having a commitment. I'm still trying to work out my feelings towards him and trying to move on. The thing is, I'm not sure how I can move on. One friend of mine said that the only way to truly get over a guy is to get with another guy. Do you think that is necessary true? I don't think that is true. I haven't been with another person since my ex, but I have never been the type of person to hook up with random guys. Yet, do you think it's true that I need to be with someone else to finally get my ex out of my head?

-- Hung Up

What should H.U. do?

Dear Em & Lo,

My boyfriend and I have great sexual chemistry and things have been going really well both inside and outside of the bedroom, but there's one small issue: we're both on the sexually submissive side. Though it is not usually an issue, it is clear that we'd both prefer being with someone more sexually dominant than ourselves. I would like to try and see if I have it in me to be more dominant in the bedroom because I know he would really like that, but I have no idea how! I would really appreciate some tips on how to take charge in the bedroom. Thanks.

Sincerely,
Dubious Dominant

Dear D.D.,

You don't have to be dressed in head-to-toe pleather, wielding a riding crop and saying things like "You've been a bad, bad boy" to embrace your inner dom. Here are five simple things you can do -- with or without props -- that don't require a lot of emoting on your part:

1. Tie him up. This is domination 101. By restraining him, you make him a slave to your