Grand Central stars
Each week, we at EMandLO.com predict the course of your love life for the week with our own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril! (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
It's a common human trait to expect life to be good and to be easy. It's a common human reality that life is often not these things: the sex is bad, or non-existent, and it rarely shows up on your doorstep with no strings attached. But you can help yourself by being proactive, getting off your butt and searching for what it is you want instead of waiting for it to come to you. It's like those people who always say they're bored - the only one responsible for their boredom is themselves.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Things to avoid this week: turkey burgers, phallic-shaped fruit, sex with delivery people, tartar-control toothpaste and crack. Things to pursue: love, love, love! Need we say more?
gemini (May 21st-June 21st)