Each week, EMandLO.com predicts the course of your love life for the week with their own version of irreverent horoscopes - ignore our advice at your own peril. (Hyperbole intended for dramatic effect.)
aries (Mar. 21st-Apr. 20th)
Sometimes we think the stars would rather be hosting a daytime talk show or writing self-help books with titles like "Who Moved My Constellation?" To wit, your horoscope reading this week: "Don't cave into the pressure of someone demanding a romantic decision from you. You need more time." We'd like to add that you also fear intimacy, commitment, and green-food-dyed beer.
taurus (Apr. 21st-May 20th)
Nobody puts Baby in a corner. This week, a particularly annoying "nobody" will be pursuing you all the way into that corner. If you don't want to get backed into a corner - i. e. if you want to avoid a sloppy drunken make-out sesh in a corner booth with annoying Traci/Tony from Accounts - then stay home and rent old Patrick Swayze flicks