Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "What's the general male consensus on period sex?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Period sex, like most forms of sex, falls into the category of sure, why not. The truth is we are generally happy to be having sex, even if it's a bit messy at times. It also comes down to a level of comfort. Often when you are comfortable in a relationship, this is something that is not a huge deal. On the flip side, if it's the first time, it might be better to wait a bit before leaving a permanent mark on the boudoir. At the end of the day, sex is sex is sex and it's all good. Period.
Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): Limits the menu somewhat and helps to have a dark towel handy, but that said I'm fine with it. Period. I know some women I've been with I've been with seemed a little skeeved by it, but I always suspected there was really something else going on. After
Blog Posts by EMandLO.com
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Feb 23, 2011 11:39 PM EST
- EMandLO.com | Work + Money – Tue, Feb 22, 2011 5:46 PM EST
We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below, or join the debate already in progress here:
Dear Em & Lo,
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him more then anything, we really connect. We have had a lot of sex, but I have a confession: I've never hit the high note. I fibbed telling him I did and now it;s gone on way too long to spill that I have never gotten off. I have tried all sorts of tricks that I have read in Cosmo but nothing works. I have come close but then it always goes away.
Don't get me wrong, it does feel good, but he's the only guy I have ever been with, so I have nothing to compare it to. I get him to do the things I like, and still no orgasm. Even when I do it myself, I don't get off. I've never had a orgasm in my life. I wantRead More »from Where to Start If You've Been Faking Orgasms with Your Partner for Years?
When a woman's guy friends keep falling for her, is she to blame for too much flirting and not enough female friends? Or is the guys to blame for misinterpreting her so-called signals? Read on to find out what we had to say. And click here to ask us your own advice question!
Dear Em & Lo,
How does one gracefully say "Thanks, but no thanks"? It seems to happen a lot to me: I treat the guy like a friend - meaning I don't make innuendo (no puns please!) nor banter, etc., I just converse fercrissake! - and a few weeks (or months, or hours) later he's dropping heavy hints and gazing at me with That Look. I then try to avoid any situations that may lead him on; i.e. refusing a drink together, though I wouldn't mind having a friendly one. Also, I don't want to lose friends who suddenly want to move it a notch further than I really want. Any ways to let them down gently?
- Unwilling Goddess
This could be happening through no fault of your own - perhaps you're simply too gorgeous for guys to take you seriously as a drinking buddy. Then again, perhaps you just don't realize that you're flirting (or don't want to admit it to yourself or to us). After all, male friendship can be quite an ego boost. You get to crack him up, enjoy being his "buddy," punch him playfully in the arm while pounding cans of Bud, feel good about yourself for being able to hang with the guys - and simultaneously know that he can't help but notice your tight jeans.
Even if you're not attracted to him, it's always nice to be noticed…until it turns into That Look. Also, we have a sneaking suspicion that men are hardwired to misread, misinterpret, and overestimate women's signals-perhaps it's some weird evo-psych method of increasing the number of women they hit on, and thus the increasing the chances they have of mating.
Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What is the number one deal-breaker for guys in relationships?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Sexual compatibility, which could include chemistry, quantity, styles, kink-acceptance, and/or willingness to explore, monogamy versus polyamory. It isn't the deal-breaker with all guys, but likely most guys.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): There are probably as many deal-breakers for guys as there are guys. If you want to get with me you'd better not have a fondness for the color pink, hair lighter than your skin (albinos excepted), bad taste in music or - worse - no taste in music, more hang-ups than me, a cat allergy, or "spirituality".
But the one universal that should (but doesn't always) break deals is cheating. I know that people put all sorts of betrayals behind them, but I don't know how they do it. I'll never understand how they can look into the eyes of someone who loved them so little, or forgot about them so completely, even for a moment, and feel anything but resentment.
I've only been cheated on once - to my knowledge - and I reacted so appallingly that after the inevitable breakup she burned a bunch of my stuff. As far as I'm concerned there is no excuse. In the words of Liz Lemon, "That's a deal-breaker, ladies!"
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): My first decision was to rule out things that come to mind that are habitual, like smoking - they range from the annoying to the not-easily-overcome-by-any-means, but I think they'd all categorically fall short of contention for the Number One Deal-Breaker. I then dismissed all things superficial - yes, attraction, physical and otherwise, is a necessary component of a relationship, but it could be said that these things could, and even should, be overcome toward the seeking of true relationship fulfillment.
Before a hot date, you (hopefully) shower, put on clean underwear, dress up nicely and generally get gussied up. If there's any chance you'll end up back at your place, then your bedroom deserves the same sort of preparation and attention. Here are ten steps to turning your bedroom into a genuine love nest.
- Invest in sheets with a decent thread count--there's nothing sexy about your bare skin against the equivalent of burlap. And please wash them regularly (i.e. more than once a year).
- Make sure your bed gives you both proper support, because if you've got a bad back, you're not going to feel much like pelvic thrusting.
- Get rid of the bright overheads and decorate with some soft, flattering, low lights in various corners-even better if you put them all on dimmers.
- Don't put one side of your bed against a wall-that's for kiddies and college students.
- You should remove any of the following: photos of family and in-laws, work-related materials, towering piles
As many as ten percent of women have never had an orgasm, and many more than that have never had an orgasm with a partner. And the more women fake, the worse these statistics will get. It's time to take your orgasms into your own hands-quite literally, if need be. Stop the madness, ladies, and start the ecstasy!
- First thing's first: Stop faking. You have two options. The first is fessing up to the truth. If you haven't been together with someone for too long, then you could just say you were nervous and didn't want to hurt his feelings, so that's why you faked. If it's with a long-term partner, then be sure to have the conversation outside the bedroom, remindng how much it means that you're being honest, and how hard it is for you to confess. Tell him, "The easy way out would be to keep on faking, but I think you deserve more than that." His pride will be seriously wounded, so you should also be sure to tell him just how much you enjoyed the sex even though you didn't
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 8, 2011 9:02 PM EST
Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Considering all the questions the doctors on this site get about women experiencing painful intercourse, I was wondering: do guys ever experience pain during sex?"
Straight Single Guy (Max): While the good normally outweighs the bad, I would say that yes, sex can hurt. Have you ever had a guy pull out only to jam his penis against the inside of your thigh? Trust me, this hurts. I've heard horror stories about guys having to stop altogether because they thought the "broke" their dick. While this might elicit a chuckle in retrospect, there is a real danger when participating in over zealous sexual fun. I would add that there are other ways to hurt a guy. First, make sure that lubrication is always available. Especially when heavy drinking is involved. I find that things get a bit rougher than you realize and this hurts just as much in the moment as it will in the morning. Secondly, be careful of foreskins.
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Mon, Feb 7, 2011 5:35 PM EST
We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below, or join the heated debate already underway here:
Dear Em & Lo,
I have a problem with my husband watching porn. He knows I dislike it; I even gave him and alternative once, me or the porn. I thought he chose me. I have sadly realized that he has been watching it and I don't know for how long now. We don't have problems with sex other than we don't get any time to ourselves because of life; i.e. kids, work, tired, whatever.
I grew up with porn in the home and grew up thinking it is disgusting. I have tried to watch it with him, it does nothing for me, and I find it grotesque. I feel that if a man is happy at home, then he doesn't need to cheat or watch porn. If I am not satisfying him in bed then he needs to tell me, notRead More »from When You and Your Partner Can't Compromise on Porn
When you write about sex for a living, it's easy to get caught up in the idea that we should always be inventing a new position or discovering a new erogenous zone. But sometimes it's good just to remind ourselves of some basics. These 15 tips never go out of style - and they're way easier to pull off than the Wheelbarrow, too.
- Don't rush. It's way easier and sexier for your partner to say, "More, harder, oh god, faster," than it is to say, "Whoa! Slow down there, cowboy."
- Do provide positive reinforcement. Total silence sucks. Your partners will welcome praise and feedback like Jessica Simpson would a good review. Plus, it's an easy way to dabble in dirty talk. If you can't find the words, appreciative noises work just as well.
- Don't assume that just because you're in love (or on good behavior), you can't have it dirty. The idea that marriage, monogamy or even good manners is the end of dirty, throw-me-against-the-wall, taboo-busting sex is a tired,
Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "Do guys like looking into their partner's eyes while they're having sex, and while they're climaxing? Why or why not? And if a woman is with a man who never looks her in the eye during sex, what does that mean?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author ofSwish): I don't think it's something guys really think about either way - I don't think we find it that meaningful a question. I guess I tend to look my partner in the eye at least once or twice during sex, but if he didn't look me in the eye I don't know that I'd be that freaked out. If he's not looking you in the eye and you want him to, say so. If, after that, he still won't look you in the eye, then my guess - given that it's not that big a deal - is that there's probably something wrong with him.
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I wouldn't automatically read too much into a man who never looks at hisRead More »from What Men Think About Eye Contact During Sex