Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

Dear Em & Lo,

I'm a 22-year-old virgin and have decided to wait for a committed relationship before having sex. Sometimes when I'm dating and the sex talk comes up, guys get very nervous when they realize I'm a virgin. I try not to make it such a big deal, I see it as only a part of my character, not the whole thing.

I'm dating a great guy now and I'm pretty sure the topic of sex will come up soon. Any advice about how to approach this? Am I kidding myself to think that guys wouldn't freak about this?Any advice would be great.

- Virginally Yours

What should Virginally Yours do?

MORE FROM EM & LO:

• Do Guys Care About the View Down There?
• Can You Have Your Tubes UNtied?
• Take Our Relationship Compatibility Test!

Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your medical questions here once a week. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Kate,

My tubes been tied for fifteen years and I'm really thinking about getting them untied. I'm 37 and would like to have another baby before I turn 40. If I do this, what are my chances that I will have a successful surgery?

-- In Knots

Dear IK,

Fifty-fifty at best. Tubal sterilization reversal is a skilled surgery that few doctors are able to perform. And the financial outlook is tough: Depending on where you live, it costs about $10,000, is never covered by medical insurance, and works approximately 50% of the time. Sounds dismal, I know. Add that to the fact that it's harder to conceive over age 35, and you may have a tough road ahead. Another option is in-vitro fertilization-depending again on which state you're in, it costs between $6,000 and $10,000 a cycle, and your

Advice from three of EM and LO's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men's mags only showing only "neat and tidy" vulvas, it's hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men...?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I'd have to say it's probably just personal preference and if most of the men's porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it's probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I'm sure it's not a deal breaker.

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak):

We've said before that one's fantasy life need not be impeded by fears, be limited by ethics, or even abide by the laws of physics. But then we read a comment like the one from icequeenkjd in response to the EMandLO.com post "Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About When They Fantasize?" and that whole philosophy comes crumbling down:

I have recently discovered that my boyfriend of 2 years searched out step-dad/step-daughter porn on the internet. I have two beautiful daughters, one is nine and the other is 13. I have since moved out and I am completely crushed. Any thoughts?

MORE FROM EM & LO:

• NYC's 4th Annual Naughty Auction for the National AIDS Fund
• Treatments for Rough Sex
• Take Our Relationship Compatibility Test!

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Many women say that sex gets better as a relationship progresses, as they get to know their partner more and get more comfortable. Is this true for guys too?"
Straight Married Guy (Ben): My wife and I started off super hot out of the gate. Then we slowed down, then got hot again, then crazy, then mellowed out. We've come to view our sexualities as very fluid things that have ebbed, flowed, come together and moved apart over the course of our ten-year relationship. Sometimes we're wild and sometimes we're tame. Sometimes kinky, sometimes vanilla. Sometimes in sync and sometimes not. Over the course of any longterm relationship the sex is going to change a lot - sometimes better, sometimes worse - and the key for us has been to acknowledge that and work on it together, rather than simply close our eyes and hope for the best.

Gay Single Guy (Jonathan Balthaser): I would love to meet the women that say this,

Every few weeks, Dr. Vanessa Cullins, a board-certified obstetrician/gynecologist and vice president for medical affairs at Planned Parenthood® Federation of America, answers your questions on EMandLO.com. To ask her your own question, click here.

Dear Dr. Vanessa,

My girlfriend has HSV 1 (herpes simplex virus 1) genitally but hasn't had an outbreak in over a year. What risks am I looking at in terms of performing oral on her and/or having intercourse? Is it something that is easily passed along, even though HSV 1 normally occurs orally? 
I REALLY appreciate any info you can give.

- Confused

Dear Confused,

Please relax a little about this. Genital HSV 1 infections are not as persistent or infectious as genital HSV 2 infections. They are much less likely to become active again. This means that they are much less likely to cause recurrent outbreaks. It also means that few, if any, of the women and men with genital HSV 1 will need medical treatment to

Monogamy gets a bad rap these days - people say it's unnatural, impossible, outdated, stifling. And, yes, sometimes it is! Especially if your wedding anniversary now contains two digits. But anything worth fighting for will usually put you through the ringer, and monogamy is no exception. So before your partner's bad habits drive you to the brink of insanity or you start taking your fantasies about the UPS guy a little too seriously, let us remind you of 10 good reasons to keep fighting that good fight by staying true to your one and only.

1. Sex can improve with time. Monogamy isn't just about marrying off before everything starts to sag. Age can also mean that you get to know your body better, you become more comfortable in your own skin, you leave girlish insecurities behind, and your partner learns your body so well he could navigate you blindfolded. Given enough time, you and your partner can discover untold routes to your happy place. Why would you want to keep

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, just can't answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below or join the debate already in progress on EMandLO.com. And to ask your own question, click here.

Dear Em & Lo,

I have never been a very sexual person so have never really masturbated. However, when I purchased a Rampant Rabbitthis changed. From time to time I will use it and can have an orgasm, if not several, when I use it. I prefer to use my vibrator as I have only come once when I used my hands, it never feels anywhere near as good as my vibrator, as if when I use my hands there is no sensation there, and my wrist gets sore quickly. Technology rules on this one!

However, I really want to come when my boyfriend gives me oral or uses his hands on me (I have never had an orgasm through intercourse, don't even feel close). When he