Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do you think about circumcision?

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I know one person who was circumcised as an adult, so he's the only guy I can think of who knows what it's like both ways - sort of the Tiresias of circumcision - but he's also a famous actor and I have a huge, huge crush on him, so if I tried to ask him about it I would probably die of embarrassment. From a purely objective standpoint I suppose I'd say it's a barbaric practice, but as a Jew I can't imagine being uncircumcised. A gay Jewish friend of mine was the sperm donor for a Jewish lesbian couple, and when the issue of circumcision came up (in the event that they had a boy) it almost ruined the whole thing - my friend wanted his son to look like him, which I think is perfectly understandable, and the couple wanted not to mutilate their child, which I also think is perfectly understandable. They had a girl, so the point was moot, but I myself intend to avoid the whole issue by remaining blissfully childless forever.

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): My friend recently asked whether he should circumcise his boy, and we found we were both passionately for it. But his wife was strongly against it (and she's Jewish, go figure). We all did some research and found out that it's generally healthier to be circumcised, so they decided to do it. But it's a strange internal debate, because if you consider yourself anything close to a naturalist, then it's almost hard to convince yourself of such a permanent and personal alteration of our time-honored design.

In honor of the beginning of the fall TV season, we present our top picks for the most sexy-mood-destroying TV shows:

1. Gossip Girl - Because who can possibly compete with fantasy, airbrushed sex like that? It's enough to make your own sex life feel positively black and white.
2. The Office - The butt-clenching stress that results from all the second-hand embarrassment makes for good comedy...but bad sex. Especially if you're knocking on the back door.
3. Supernanny - We guess that this show could be classified as the best contraceptive device ever, but one episode might be enough to convince you that even a condom plus two back-up methods isn't safe enough.
4. The O'Reilly Factor - If we need to explain this one, you need more help than we can provide.
5. Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Unless you're a necrophiliac, this show really should not turn you on. Please tell us it doesn't.
6. The Family Guy - Because it would really suck to

Dear Em & Lo,

I feel like I'm stuck right now. I meet plenty of young men that are very interesting, and eventually, after spending some time with them, I get attached. Something that sounds very normal but turns out to be very painful in the end. So here's my problem: no matter how hard I try I can't stop myself from getting intimate with all these guys quickly. (I respect the "no sex on the first date" rule but I'll go for it sooner than later.) Also, these guys are never "available" to be a boyfriend to me because they are so busy with their lives. They all seem to have something else on their minds that prevents them from building something with me. So I end up happy in bed (most of the time!) but lacking for anything to call a relationship. It never seems to stick, like as if there was a problem with my approach. I really enjoy sex and I'm afraid that it's jeopardizing my chances to fall in love.

-- Stuck in the Booty Ghetto

Dear S.i.t.B.G.,

You don't have to

blowpops

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: "What's the difference between average fellatio and excellent fellatio?"

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had some extraordinary fellatio in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question:

• Enthusiasm. You've got to enjoy what you do.
• Vigor. You've got to do it like you want to finish the job.
• Lubrication. You can't be afraid of a little saliva.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was

We've been asked before if it's okay to "reuse" a sex toy (like the nice Lelo pictured) that outlasts the relationship it was originally purchased for. This rarely happens with battery-operated vibrators, as their shelf life is so limited, but it's often an issue with something more hardy, like a silicone poker or again, the Lelo pictured.

If you're only going to reuse it on yourself, fine: go nuts. But if you're thinking of reusing it with a new partner? Our answer is always no, especially if it's a toy that can't be fully sterilized. But we still don't care how "hygienic" 100% silicone is or how it's "totally safe if you boil it for a few minutes on the stove top" or how you can slap a condom on a non-porous toy: that's just plain disrespectful (and kinda gross) in our book. It's kind of like recycling the sex-mix tape that your first true love made for you (please don't tell us you've ever done that). We know sex toys are expensive-but, hey, hearts are precious, too, and we break

Summer's almost over, though -- given the crappy weather most of us have had -- it feels like it's just beginning. But, hey, maybe a less-than-scorching season made for better sex on the beach (because nothing kills the moment like sunburned nipples...yowch!).

So tell us... do you get busy on the beach? Vote in the comments section below!

(a) Sand in my naughty bits and seaweed in my hair? No thanks

(b) Eh. I could take it or leave it.

(c) Love it! Rubbing in suntan lotion is the best foreplay ever.

(d) I haven't had the chance, but boy would I like to…

MORE FROM EM & LO:

• Dumb Music Video of the Week
• 10 Things You Should Know About the Clitoris
• How to Make Self-Love Feel Less Lonely
• What Do Guys Think of Cougars?
• Can a Bad Boyfriend Make a Good Booty Call?

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: Who should pay on a first date? (And while we're on the topic of first dates, check out what our Wise Guys had to say recently about sex on the first date...is it a relationship killer?)

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): A general rule that you can't go wrong with: whoever asked their date out should pay. Real simple, eh? Now if you want to be real smooth, then if A asked B out, then A should pay for the dinner, movie, show, ski trip, whatever, but B should offer up a scoop of gelato after the dinner, popcorn at the movies, or hot chocolate on the slopes. That's what gets you both to the second date.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I know feminists get all hot and bothered over this one, but I always liked to pay on the first date. It's not like I expected anything in return or made any kind of big deal about it, but I just think it's a nice thing to do. I usually asked the girl out on the date in the first place, so I felt like I should pay. If a girl insisted on paying half, I'd say, hey, you can buy me a drink later on. I think it's okay to believe that women are 100% equal and still enjoy holding the door open for a woman, pulling out her chair, and paying for a first-date dinner.

Okay, so it's technically two words, but "Phrase of the Week" just doesn't roll off the tongue in quite the same way. Anyway, "Schrodinger's Date" is something that feels kind of like a date but may be more accurately described as a period of hanging out as a prelude to having sex. Even after you've actually had sex, you may still be unclear whether or not that was a date that preceded it. The term refers to the Schrodingers cat application of the uncertaintly principle: The date, like the cat, both is and is not. In fact, you may be sleeping with someone on a regular basis and still not be quite sure whether or not you're actually dating. If you want to know for sure, the only way to let Schrodinger's cat out of the bag is to say, "So, are we dating or what?" Of course, even that doesn't imply exclusivity. To determine that, one must ask, "So, are we exclusive or what?"

For more hook-up terminology than you can shake a stick at, check out our book Rec Sex: An A-Z Guide to