Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

About a week and a half ago, an EMandLO.com reader responded to a post about the charming new term "hyena" being used to describe sexually aggressive teen girls:

Do you have any ideas? Something positive that suggests these women aren't simply shallow gold diggers but may actually prefer the more mature company of guys who are older and wiser would be nice. Even better if it's a term that could apply to both women and men who date older. And if you've got a replacement for "craddle robber" and "cougar" - again a kinder, gentler term that could apply to both men and women who like dating younger - let's hear it!

Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Today, EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what her dirty dream means.

Last night I dreamed that I was fighting with my ex husband. There was the usual yelling and screaming quite loud. And then a neighbor got ticked that we were being so loud and he shot me with his bow and arrow, twice. I was in incredible pain but didn't seem too concerned that I had two arrows sticking clear through me. I even went and changed clothes and used the restroom. My ex said that he was going to eat and smoke a cigarette and then he'd take me to the ER. We didn't seem to be in a panic about getting there. So I'm having trouble getting in the car and sitting because of these arrows but we finally get to the ER. That's when I woke up.

Lauri: "Shot through the heart and you're to blame, baby, you give love a bad name." Do these lyrics hit home with you? Because according to this dream,

Self-love won't cure swine flu, but that's pretty much the only shortcoming we can think of:

1. Getting a grip on yourself helps teach you the pattern of your own sexual response: What you like, what you don't like, and what you hate more than anything else in the whole wide world.
2. Friggin' your riggin' helps you gain control over when and how soon you come: Once you can recognize the point right before the point of no return, you can put on the brakes and avoid premature crashes.
3. Polishing your china helps you sleep - right before a nap, or as part of your bedtime ritual.
4. Playing with yourself is a great procrastination device/study break/boredom reliever. Way better than smoking or television.
5. DIY sex puts a smile on your face by releasing endorphins. So self-administer a mercy f--- after (or better yet, during) a bad day at work.

Confidence - as opposed to swollen-headed cockiness - is always sexy, and especially so on a date. You know how guys are always complaining that women ignore the nice guys in favor of bad boys who never call them back? Well, perhaps women aren't just masochists who want to be walked all over; perhaps they simply appreciate the confidence that so-called bad boys tend to have in spades. Also, we suspect that a lot of jelly-spined, no-opinion, lacklustre guys tend to ignore their own faults and just blame it on women disliking "nice" guys. (And for the record, we should note that plenty of wussy women are guilty of the same sort of thing. e.g maybe he's not, actually, an a---- for not calling her back; maybe she was just really quiet and boring.)

Little old ladies should be "nice." Your Saturday night date should rock your world. And that takes confidence.

Whether you're a nice boy or a nice girl, if you're cursed with the first-date jitters, do whatever it takes to calm

Dear Em & Lo,

I am interested in this man and I think he is interested in me. I will call him if I am in his area and ask him to grab a drink with me and my friends. This is usually last minute. The past two times he was busy and it seemed legit. However, he doesn't ever make alternate plans. I feel if he really wants to see me, he should try to see me no matter what. What gives?

- Hung Up

Dear H.U.

Argh, don't make us say it! Your letter is like a trap just to get us to write that stupid catchphrase! We really wish we could think of a more original response. Oh screw it, we're just gonna go ahead and say it: He's just not that into you.

Man, that feels good to just let it out. Overuse be damned, sometimes the commercialized old chestnuts say it best. Still, why do we feel so dirty? The only reason we're being unoriginal is that so many daters - both male and female - are unoriginal in their lameness.

Um, are we supposed to pay someone royalties now?

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "If the guy I've started dating recently isn't into cuddling or hand-holding, is that automatically a sign that he's just not that into me, or are some guys just not into private or public displays of affection, no matter whether they're in love or not?"

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I've heard that some men just aren't into displaying affection. That's lame and I think they are idiots. But I suspect there really aren't that many of them. If a guy doesn't want to cuddle he probably doesn't want you to feel like he's your boyfriend. He doesn't want you to get too close, too fast. Similarly, he could argue that he doesn't want to lead you on. Hand-holding for many guys is reserved for monogamous relationships. It is a public signal that he is taken. But, I also suspect that if Rebecca Romijn or Evangeline Lilly wanted to hold his hand he'd be very willing and happy to display to the world "I'm doing her!" So… he's not that into you. But he may only need more time to get where you are.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Me, I'm a touchy-feely kind of guy. If I'm digging someone, I let them know it, physically, in as many ways as possible. After some good, or even mediocre sex, there's nothing better than a nice cuddle to cap off the experience. However, my hubby isn't so lovey-dovey. He gets hot very quickly and basically endures it for my sake for as long as he can, which usually amounts to about 45 seconds. It used to bother me, but I've realized it's just a quirk of his and really has no bearing on how he feels about me. So I wouldn't read too much into it if your man isn't a cuddle bug or or happy hand holder. Ask him, or just give him some time. There are dozens of reasons why he may be just not that into it, but it doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you.

Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. EMandLO.com dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a woman asks Lauri:

I had this really weird dream where I was in a huge mansion with tons of girls and only 4 guys. I think it was a free for all orgy party but, not wanting to share, I grabbed a cute guy and quickly made off with him. Next thing I know we're lying on a bed in a room with a low ceiling and a big ceiling light. We start making out and the guy stops to ask if we could move to another room, because he's afraid there are crickets in the light fixtures. Of course, I walk away from him. But after a while I turn and go back to him and then I wake up from my dream. So what the heck is going on with me? I hate mood-spoiling crickets!

1. rec sex: Short for "recreational sex," this kind of f------ -for-the-fun-of-it usually comes from a positive, happy place; in other words, if you were depressed or heartbroken or enraged, the sex you had shouldn't officially be called rec sex. But, really, any sex between two or more consenting adults outside of a long-term relationship could be referred to as rec sex. And rec sex doesn't ensure that there won't be any negative consequences (like heartbreak, jealousy, confusion, or STDs). But while you're doing it, you're not worried about the future: You're in the moment. Rec sex is often employed as a more cheery synonym for casual sex, and is particularly common after one has sold a first novel, won the lottery, or received a refund on their tax return.
2. booty call sex: Sex with a friend-with-benefits or a new lust interest that's arranged via a phone call or text message made after 11pm usually because there are no better prospects and/or you've been drinking.
3. appointment sex: A more formalized version of the booty call. This kind of sex scheduling is usually done more than 24 hours in advance, when both parties are sober. Email invitations tend to be favored over more casual text messaging messages or impromptu phone calls. This kind of arrangement happens more frequently among the older set-work-a-holics, recovering alcoholics, single parents, people for whom fart jokes have lost their charm, i.e., those who no longer have the patience (or the liver) to wait until closing time to make a booty call.
4. ex sex: Sex with a previous partner, usually because they're easy and you're lazy. A.k.a. double dipping, blue- binning, recycling, returning to the well.
5. cereal sex: A random one-night stand in the middle of a sexual/romantic dry spell: It's delicious while it lasts, but it's not filling, and an hour later you're hungrier than you were before you "ate."