Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

Dear Em & Lo ,

I'm not sure if I'm going to word this correctly, but here it goes. I'm 20 years old and am engaged to a wonderful man who has blessed me with a son. Before I met him I had a bad life and I had been raped 3 times. Lately during sex we have talked about what we could experiment with but rape fantasies are all I can think about. I've looked up on Google to see if anyone else has a similar question but no one has. I'm concerned that these "fantasies" aren't normal for a rape victim. I know studies show that women like to be dominated but for a rape victim it should be different. In your opinion, should I seek mental help? Or do you think this is normal for me?

-- Confused & Conflicted

Dear C.C.,

First, let us start out by saying we are not professional therapists or medical professionals. But as writers on the topic of sexuality for the past 15 years, everything we've read and heard about rape fantasies -- or, as we prefer to call them, ravishment

Read More »from Are My Rape Fantasies Normal...If I'm a Rape Survivor?

In honor of the 40th anniversary of the Joy of Sex (1972), the Guardian's Observer just chose the top 10 best sex guides ever. A friend of ours on Facebook gave us a heads up about the list, saying they saved the best for last. Yes, we're honored to say our illustrated guide SEX: How to Everything is #10! And we feel so privileged to be included alongside the likes of The Kama Sutra, Ovid's The Art of Love and the late 60s classic Everything You Wanted to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid to Ask). Here's what they had to say about why you should really check out SEX: How to Everything -- we couldn't agree more!: SEX: How to Everything: A sex guide for the Agent Provocateur generation, this handsome 2008 coffee-table volume was written by sex columnists Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey and explicitly shot by A-list photographer Rankin. New Yorkers "Em & Lo" were described in this newspaper as "real-life Carrie Bradshaws, the Trinny and Susannah of blow jobs". Their unisex but especially

Read More »from The Guardian Picks the Best 10 Sex Guides EVER

The Nea by Lelo meets all of the criteria below













There are countless toys out there to choose from - unfortunately, not all of them will get you to your happy place effectively, or even safely. The sex toy industry is littered with manufacturers and distributors who are more interested in quantity than quality. Fortunately that's changing, as consumers become more educated and demanding. So keep these 7 important rules in mind when shopping for a battery-operated friend:

1. Say no to novelties. A toy labeled "for novelty use only" means "don't actually use it on your body!" So unless you're just shopping for bachelorette party decorations, don't buy these "gag gifts."
2. Avoid toys made of cheap jelly rubber: they often have a strong odor, feel sticky, and are impossible to clean thoroughly (because their pores can harbor bacteria). The odor is caused by an outseeping of gasses from plastic softeners called phthalates, which studies have shown to be bad for both the environment and your body.
3. Choose

Read More »from How to Buy a Bedside Accessory (Without Buyer's Remorse)

Teddy with flowers
















Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "Are most men romantics, or is romance something guys simply do to keep their partner happy?" To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): I think the majority of men are not inherently romantic. But, is it really that bad if they do it to keep their partner happy? If it's sincere, then it shouldn't matter if it's a core characteristic or not. Now, those of us who are romantic are going to be way better at it than those who aren't, because it's part of our personality, but that only means it's better for the woman we're romancing. Don't discount a guy just because he's not a romantic at heart. He's still doing it for you.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): I don't think that most guys are romantics. It's not that we don't love our wife/girlfriend, it's just something we don't think about. I've always thought that things like flowers and jewelry are fluff. I think

Read More »from Are Men Really Romantic or Do They Just Fake It?

Lelo's sex & career infographic (excerpt)Luxury sex toy maker LELO recently created this infographic (included below), which could be more simply titled "5 Reasons Why More Sex Helps Your LIFE." A few thoughts on each point:

1. Honestly, in this recession, we think most people would take the raise over the sex (including us).
2. Yes! Sex beats shopping every time. (Or at least it should.)
3. Wait: Married couples having sex a little more than once a week leads to more frustration, fights and tension because that's not enough? Seems kind of like a glass-is-half-empty analysis of the data, if you ask us.
4. Sex cleans your pores, prevents wrinkles and age spots, and gives your skin a healthy glow? Sounds like this came from the "semen is good for your skin" study out of Teanboi University. We do, however, agree wholeheartedly that if the average woman is spending $75 on facials per month (WTF?!), she could put that time and money to much better use (e.g. in some quality alone time with our Toy of the Month).
5. If

Read More »from 5 Reasons Why More Sex Helps Your Career

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: "How do you define what constitutes sex? Is it penetration (with anything or just a penis)? Oral attention? Mutual orgasms? Mutual naked pleasure? etc." To ask the Wise Guys your own question,

click here .

angelo_nikolopoulos_100Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): After being single for ____ months, lighting a scented candle before touching myself, as far as I'm concerned, qualifies as sex. So, clearly, you're asking the wrong gay. But in more prosperous times, anything that exposed me to the illogical possibility of contracting an STI qualified as sex. Call me a thrill-seeker if you want, but if there's no potential for a rash or sore, then I'm not interested.

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): I'm not sure my opinion on this represents the majority of people I know, but I actually think sex is a penis inside a vagina. It seems to me that other sex acts are far less serious and

Read More »from How Do Most Men Define "Sex?

Obama campaign logo, in heart form
Just in case you need some more encouragement to register to vote (state-by-state deadlines start dropping in October!), to volunteer your time to the Obama campaign, and to actually vote on November 6th, 2012, here you go:

1. Romney represents the Republican Party, and the Republican Party Platform wants to control your body. It calls for a ban on abortion, without any exceptions, not even for rape, incest, or the life of the woman (not just the health of the woman, but the life!). It supports parents needing to consent to treatment for their children "involving pregnancy, contraceptives and abortion" -- because telling your father who knocked you up is going to go down real well. It supports mandatory waiting periods when it comes to abortions, which put an undue burden on women who have to travel far to receive medical help but can't afford to take off time from work. It supports abstinence-only education (the effectiveness of which has been so debunked) and opposes Read More »from Top 5 Reasons Your Heart (and Other Body Parts) Want You to Vote for Obama

Good puppy!















What would you do if your husband refused to even try to give you an orgasm? This was a situation a reader of our site found herself in recently. Our other readers jumped in to offer friendly advice, and this was our favorite solution, from a reader named Hannah:

If there was no child involved, I'd say DUMP HIM… I mean that is bad. Very seriously bad. And it's not as if you haven't tried to tell him. Most men would be mortified if someone told them they sucked in bed, and they'd make really sure they never did it again. But then again, most men care way too much about making women orgasm. If he doesn't care at all, well, then I wouldn't even see the point of having sex with him at all.
But keep in mind that training people is just like training a puppy:
• You need to be absolutely consistent and clear.
• You need to be overflowing with praise for good behavior.
• You should never ever reward bad behavior. Never.
Just think, if you pulled a slot machine 100 times, and then on the

Read More »from Training Your Partner in Bed is Just like Training a Puppy