The End of SexThe End of Sex by Donna Frietas is getting a lot of action lately, with reviews calling it "important, wise, and brave" (The Atlantic), "illuminating" (WSJ), "straight-forward, well-researched, and eye-opening" (Publishers Weekly), and with Frietas herself penning an editorial for the Washington Post and nabbing a coveted spot on The Today Show. Subtitled "How Hookup Culture Is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Sexual Intimacy," the book analyzes 2,500 surveys from 11 colleges and finds that casual sex is perceived by students as the only romantic option on campus these days - and that actually bums a majority of them out. Here's an excerpt:
The Second Shift of College
Amid the seemingly endless partying on America's college campuses lies a thick layer of melancholy, insecurity, and isolation that no one can seem to shake. College students have perfected an air of bravado about hookup culture, though a great many of them privately wish for a world
Blog Posts by EMandLO.com
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Fri, Apr 26, 2013 8:24 PM EDT
The End of SexThe End of Sex by Donna Frietas is getting a lot of action lately, with reviews calling it "important, wise, and brave" (The Atlantic), "illuminating" (WSJ), "straight-forward, well-researched, and eye-opening" (Publishers Weekly), and with Frietas herself penning an editorial for the Washington Post and nabbing a coveted spot on The Today Show. Subtitled "How Hookup Culture Is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused About Sexual Intimacy," the book analyzes 2,500 surveys from 11 colleges and finds that casual sex is perceived by students as the only romantic option on campus these days - and that actually bums a majority of them out. Here's an excerpt:Read More »from Why College Students Don't like Hooking Up as Much as You Think
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Fri, Apr 26, 2013 2:13 PM EDT
Candy heartsWant us to answer your own advice question? Write to us here!Read More »from When a Man Can't Keep Up with His Girlfriend's Libido
Dear Em & Lo,
I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years now and we love each other very much, but she is way more into sex than I am. I try to match her libido but she is still too much for me. She also likes to use sex just to pleasure herself or relieve stress, but she's been getting too restless as the years go by. I'm actually getting worried that we may break up because of our differences. I don't know what to do - can you please help?
- Be Careful What You Wish For
First of all, we should admit straight out that we don't have an easy answer for you - in fact, the main reason we chose to answer your letter is because we felt like it would help so many people to read it. Wildly different libidos is one of the most difficult obstacles to overcome in a relationship (well, that and the whole porn issue), but too many people assume that libido problems are all about menwanting sex more than women. In fact,
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Thu, Apr 18, 2013 2:22 PM EDT
The KissRead More »from Top 10 Things You Never Want to Hear After a First Kiss
10. No way, you had spinach for lunch too?!
9. I think I swallowed your filling.
8. Thanks, I'd been meaning to floss.
7. Care for a mint?
6. Can I have a Kleenex? I've got a saliva mustache now.
5. Here's a Kleenex. You've got a little booger.
4. Cold sores aren't the same thing as oral herpes, right?
3. That reminds me, I have to do a go home and do my laundry.
1. My mom would love you.
Crossed legsRead More »from Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?
Advice from three of EM & LO's guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "Does sleeping with a guy on a first date really ruin my chances for a future relationship with him? What if it's obvious we really like each other, the chemistry's great, we have a lot in common, and we're both horny?"
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Thinking that putting out on the first date will kill off any romantic possibilities is pandering to an old skool way of thinking about sex and love: that the guy must court, wait a gazillion years while the woman's heart oh so steadily burns and yearns and he tries to satisfy himself on a nightly basis, Onan-style, until they are finally wedded before sex can even be in the equation. In the 21st century, sex on the first date could very well just mean that you "have a lot in common and were both horny." Sex doesn't always complicate, nor is it always a barrier to further emotional intimacy. On the contrary, in fact. Consider all the gay couples around the world who
Love, Breakups & Single Parenthood: An Interview with This Week's NYTimes "Modern Love" Writer, Laurie SandellBy EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Apr 3, 2013 11:03 AM EDT
Laurie SandellOur good friend, colleague, and fellow shameless Bachelor fan, Laurie Sandell, is a successful freelance magazine writer (Marie Claire, New York, In Style), graphic memoirist (The Impostor's Daughter), nonfiction book author (Truth and Consequences: Life Inside the Madoff Family) and coffee shop dweller (18th Street Coffee Shop in Santa Monica). This past weekend, her wonderful essay "How to Break Up with a Two Year Old" was the "Modern Love" column in the New York Times Styles section this past Sunday -- her first Times piece! In it, she tells her story of how falling in love with a man, then falling in love with his little girl, then eventually having to break up with both of them ultimately convinced her that she wanted a baby no matter what, partner or no. Now 15 weeks pregnant, Laurie did us the honor of answering a few of our nosy questions about it all:Read More »from Love, Breakups & Single Parenthood: An Interview with This Week's NYTimes "Modern Love" Writer, Laurie Sandell
WHEN YOU LINKED TO YOUR ARTICLE ON FACEBOOK, you mentioned the "surprise" at the end -- was this your coming out party to
Friends with benefits...and coffeeDear Em & Lo,Read More »from How to Go from “Friends” to More
I've known this girl "Ashley" since high school band eight years ago. We instantly hit it off as friends the day we met. I know it's cliche, but I've had a crush on her since our first band practice together. She has stated many a time how I'm her "best friend."
However, this past summer we hooked up when both of us were mostly blacked out. That is, we both remember the initial make-out session but don't remember how we woke up in the same bed. We also have yet to directly talk about that night. In addition, we hold hands in a "more than friend way" whenever we walk somewhere while inebriated.
My questions for you are as follows: What are your thoughts on very good friends trying to become more than friends? What are some signs that one friend might have strong feelings for the other friend and, in your experience(s), is it worth it when two good friends try to date?
Thanks for the help,
Best Friend Wants More
You had us at "high school band." At least, you
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Mar 26, 2013 12:01 PM EDT
A healthy bowl of Grape Nuts can improve your sex life... seriously!Improving your sex life isn't always about switching positions or adding more lube (though those things can help, too). Here are ten everyday things you can do to improve your sex life.Read More »from Top 10 Unsexy Things that Can Improve Your Sex Life
1. Get a good night's sleep.
When you're tired or stressed you feel unsexy and irritable. And have you ever noticed how, after a bad night's sleep, you're always disappointed by your reflection in the mirror? Bad body image leads to bad or no sex. Plus, tired people tend to choose more sleep over sex. On the other hand, well-rested people have more energy and feel more positive toward the people around them. And yes, by "more positive" we mean "can't wait to jump their bones."
2. Go to the gym.
Endorphins and improved blood flow from exercise mimic sexual desire, which sneakily puts you in the mood. The improved body image you'll experience after a work-out doesn't hurt either.
3. Get an STD checkup.
Because knowledge is power and power is sexy and knowing about your own body is the sexiest power there
Marina & Ulay
Last week, we stumbled upon Zen Garage's post about a 2010 performance art piece by Marina Abramovic at her MoMa retrospective, in which she shared a minute of silence with each stranger who sat in front of her. Back in the 70s, she had an intense love affair with a fellow artist by the name of Ulay, but after a twelve year relationship they decided to part ways by walking towards each other from opposite ends of the Great Wall of China, meeting in the middle and saying goodbye, never to see each other again. During her performance at MoMa, Ulay showed up unexpectedly as just another museum goer, sitting across from her for one minute in silence, sharing an intense emotional connection, and then quietly walking away:
We tweeted last week that this video is a metaphor for Facebook. Here's why:
Facebook has gotten a lot of flack for being a marriage killer - exes get in touch, rekindle old flames, and leave their current partners in order to chase dreams of the past.Read More »from Lost Love, Performance Art & Facebook
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Mar 13, 2013 8:34 PM EDT
Look at me, I'm Sandra Dee!Hi Em & Lo,Read More »from Dear Em & Lo: I’m a College Freshman Who’s Never Been Kissed
So I'm a freshman in college and I have never dated before or even been kissed. Sometimes I really feel like I'm missing out. I'm pretty friendly, but is it bad that I still haven't had a relationship yet? What should I do? Help!
Never Been Kissed
Regular readers to EMandLO.com will know that we're pretty prudish when it comes to talking about our own sex lives. For one thing, we think it's a mistake to assume that what's true for us will be true for you. And for another, we're prudes! There are plenty of other sex columnists out there willing to bare it all (sometimes quite literally: We once saw Tristan Taormino insert a butt plug live on stage!), and more power to them. That's just not our bag.
That said, we'll make an exception today. This is from Em:
I didn't have my first kiss until the summer before I went off to college, so I had barely been kissed when I showed up as a college freshman. I never dated in high school, never kissed anyone,
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Mar 12, 2013 1:03 PM EDT
The Bachelor cast with Sean1. Never be a narc. It won't get you laid or married. Ever. (We're talking to you, Kacie.)Read More »from Top 10 Lessons Learned from the Bachelor, Season 17, “The Return of Sean’s Abs”
2. If you want your music career to go nowhere, get booked on The Bachelor (even more effective if the couple you're supposed to perform for breaks up before you strum your first note).
3. If you're going to an amusement park for a date, wear sensible shoes and an outfit with a sensible hemline, ESPECIALLY if your date is basically wearing gym shorts.
4. "Accidentally" pooping your pants might actually be an effective way to garner sympathy and attention from a man (or at least Sean). For example, after the faux stairway spill and the fabricated baby breakdown in the club hallway, we were surprised this wasn't one of Tierra's later tactics. Future Bachelor contestants take note.
5. The volleyball competition will now become the obligatory group date for every future season of The Bachelor. (Let us pray the same can be said for every future season of The Bachelorette.)
6. Missing an appendage