Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn't he call when he said he would?

Straight Married Guy (Matt): There's a simple answer to this one: it doesn't matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he's forcing himself to pull back a little - or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn't actually into you. You won't figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what's the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy's delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that's what it takes. And if he never calls back, f--- him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let's be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn't seem desperate. But now he's waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let's be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren't there and he didn't have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he's still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.

We feel just awful that we can't answer every single advice question we get at EMandLO.com, but we figure that any answer is better than no answer at all. Which is why, once a week, we'll let you guys decide how to advise a reader. Make your call by responding in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,
I've got some naughty fantasies, the likes of which sometimes even freak me out a little: you know, crazy stuff I think about to help get me off, but stuff I'd never do in real life. I'm torn between telling my husband and just keeping them to myself. If I tell him, sharing something like that could bring us closer and spice up our sex life. But it could also make him think I'm a weirdo and/or he could poke fun and/or I could be forever mortified. Keeping them to myself means I get something truly my own, for my me-time. I just sometimes feel like I'm not being totally myself with him by not opening up. What do you think?
- Of Two Dirty Minds

What should

Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, EMandLO.com dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a straight woman asks Lauri:

I dreamed that I was in a hostel (perhaps because I've just returned from backpacking in Europe) and I bumped into Lindsay Lohan. Somehow I managed to convince Lindsay to follow me to a room, and when we got there we began to make out. There were two single beds and a bunkbed in the room, and as I pinned Lindsay down and began to kiss my way down her body, a head popped up from under the blanket of the other single bed - it was a guy friend from a clique I'd quarreled with two years ago and haven't spoken to since. He said he was waiting for an orgy, but since we preferred to keep it to just us (Lindsay and me) he said he'd just watch.

In the dream, Lindsay and I were quite buzzed on alcohol and we had quite wonderful foreplay, kissing, stroking and gentle humping against each other, when suddenly four people sat up from the top of the bunkbed! They were all male friends from that same group that I'd quarreled with, including an ex-boyfriend of mine whom I'm on amicable terms with. They had all been watching Lindsay and I go at it. By this time both of us felt distinctly uncomfortable and we decided to stop having sex because it was just strange doing it with so many people watching. We left the room and parted ways and nothing else came of that!

What does it mean? I have never had any sort of a crush on Lindsay Lohan! I am also straight and engaged to the love of my life. I have considered attractions to women before but concluded that I love men too much to ever have any sort of lasting relationship with them.

You've been dating this guy for about a few weeks and just find out that he's a virgin. You're not. Don't think of this as a challenge, think of it as an opportunity! An opportunity to introduce this man to sex in a positive way that will make him a better person for some lucky woman (or women) down the road. At the same time, you don't want to make him feel like he's going to obedience school. So here are some specific things you can do about doing it:

1. Assign reading. Next time he's over, have him stumble across a fun sex manual that "just happens" to be out in plain sight. Have fun flipping through it with him. Let him borrow it before you do the deed. The book isn't meant to oust you as head coach; rather, it'll just give him a little more confidence going in. The more ignorant he feels, the more his terror is going to paralyze him, and the harder it will be for him to concentrate on your lesson plan. Not that we're ones to brag (oh, who are we kidding), but a very gentlemanly

Sometimes it's nice to take things slowly, to undress each other as an act of love, to undo every button with unrushed focus. Other times, you just want to rip off each other's clothes, literally! But this is often impractical. People pay a lot of hard-earned money on their wardrobes, and as much as they'd like to be the kind of people who'll sacrifice anything for passion, most don't want to have their outfits ruined during every enthusiastic romp. So here's an idea: go to a cheap second-hand store and buy yourself (and/or your partner) something you're okay with only wearing once. You don't even have to wear it outside the house. It just needs to be worn long enough to be torn off -- either worn by you and torn by you (a la Demi Moore in Striptease) or worn by your partner and torn by you (a la the entire bodice-ripper genre). Button-downs are great for the visual effect of the buttons flying, but anything that tears easily will do (nothing worse than a stubborn t-shirt gagging

Advice from four of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: I've heard that it's not worth giving a guy a ----- because he can just do it better himself. Is that true?

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): Sadly, yes. But I think the problem is just one of misconception on the part of most women. In my opinion many women think, perhaps due to their lovers' penchant for hard and fast intercourse, that a ----- needs to be a vigorous yank-a-thon. Ladies, please, you're not trying to inflate a bicycle tire here! Despite popular opinion, the penis is a very sensitive organ. And, with improper handling, and without lubrication, it can chafe. The truth is, we're just really good at it all by ourselves. Don't get me wrong, we love it when you touch us and we appreciate the thought but, beyond a little foreplay grabby-grab, leave the heavy lifting to the professionals.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): The ----- is the single most underrated and underused sexual skill in the mix. I

Dates are not unlike weddings: None of the traditions are trite when they're happening to you. For this reason, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going for long walks on the beach, making out on a shag rug in front of a roaring fire, buying each other a single red rose from someone selling them out of a bucket in a bar, visiting an Italian restaurant where they serenade you at the table, dedicating a song to each other on one of those late-night call-in radio shows, and cruising gallery openings and museum exhibits hand-in-hand. (Though don't ever refer to a piece of art as "banal" on an early date. In fact, don't ever do that, period.) One of the best things about falling in love (or at least like) is that you get to enjoy all those things you used to make fun of other couples for. So go on, embrace the cheese!

More from EM & LO:

• Celeb News: Angelina and Johnny Depp Top the "Free Sex Pass" List
• Wise Guys: Why Do Men Like Strip Clubs?
• Why Does My

Jason and Melissa on the season finale of The Batch

It is with great shame that I, Lo, admit to having watched almost all 17(!) horrendous seasons of The Bachelor on ABC. But last night's "After the Final Rose" special (an in-studio event where the betrothed and the rejected appear together 3 months after the final rose is handed out) finally made it all worthwhile. At last, pay off!

In case you haven't been initiated into this particular reality sorority, The Bachelor is one of the most emotionally choreographed and formulaic shows on television -- the same stuff always happens: the Batch pretends he can't make up his mind between the two finalists (out of 25) who've somehow fallen in love with him over the course of a mere 6 weeks, it's the hardest decision he's ever had to make, how's he gonna do it, blah blah blah; then miraculously, on the morning of the final rose ceremony (that's how he picks "winners" each round: he gives his faves a rose), he's gotten a sign from