Or should we say sensational sex? Lovin' shouldn't always be rub, climax, rinse, repeat. Add a little subtlety to your sexuality and you get sensuality, the driving force behind sensation play. It's notoriously been the domain of sensitive ponytailed men and earnest granola chicks who own speculums, but it doesn't have to be. No matter whether you have a sense of irony or not, experimenting with different textures and temperatures, both on and around your erogenous zones, wakes up your body to new experiences and surprises your nerves with the unexpected: the chill of an ice cube, the warmth of candle wax, the smack of a palm on your tush, the pinch of a nipple, the tickle of feathers. Even better if your partner is blindfolded so they don't get any visual clues before experiencing the sensation -- you can then alternate sensations to really drive them nuts. Just make sure safety comes first when you're dabbling with different sensations: Ice cubes should be used externally only,Read More »from How to Have Sensual Sex
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The Men's Health article "18 Things a Grown Man Should Never Have" made us think we should have dated more Men's Health readers back in our single days. ("10. A name for his penis. Even if it's a really clever name. ... 13. A futon. Sure, beds are for sleeping. But such a meager, slouchy spread has never, in the history of sex, inspired a woman to say, 'Take me on your futon.' ... 14. Code words for ugly women. Actually, code words for anything.") It also got us thinking about the sort of things a grown woman should never have...
- A stuffed animal on her bed. We're not saying you have to donate that mangey bear to the Goodwill store -- just store him as discreetly as you would your vibrator. No sex partner wants to share your bed with a blankie. Speaking of vibrators...
- A sex toy that contains phthalates or one labeled "for novelty use only." Woman-up and buy yourself a sex toy that was actually designed with your pleasure in mind.
- Pants low enough
Hi Dr. Kate,
Sadly, I went to my annual OB-GYN appointment 2 weeks ago and was told that HPV was present in the swab that was taken. My oh-so helpful doctor's office couldn't tell me which strain it was, only that it was present and that I needed to come back in 6 months for another checkup, so I'm guessing it's not the genital warts one, just the cancer causing one? It is really frustrating to me, as I've only been with two people in my whole life, and condoms were used both times. Plus, I've sat through the three Gardisil shots as well before I got busy with either one of my partners.
My main concern is the relationship I'm in now. We aren't seeing anyone else, and so far it's been going great, until now…. What is the protocol here? I understand with a regular STD you need to tell your partner and I'm prepared to fess up here as well, but it's hard to since I don't know what kind I have. Anyway, since my doctor isn't helpful, I was wondering what the correct behavior is here.
Let's talk about you first. You've done all the right things to protect yourself, but as we know, nothing takes the risk away completely…which is why screening is so important. The majority of HPV testing looks only for high-risk strains. There are multiple versions of HPV that put you at risk for cervical cancer, but since they're all managed the same way, they're tested for in a batch. So unfortunately, yes, you've got a strain that puts you at risk. The Gardasil will still offer you protection from getting those strains in the future, though, so the shots weren't in vain. BTW, docs don't test for low-risk strains for two reasons: 1) we don't treat them directly unless warts appear, and 2) you don't need more frequent pap testing for the low-risk ones.
Now the tough question: if and how to discuss your diagnosis with your boyfriend…
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Jun 3, 2009 10:11 PM EDT
Hi Em & Lo,
I just started dating this guy and recently we were making out, it was going well, he started to go down on me. I wanted to tell him "I love it when you go down on me" but it came out as "I love you..when you do that." He paused for a second and just continued. I felt like such a dork! The thing is, I know I don't love this guy. We're a new thing and I like him but not that way. What do you when you get yourself tangled up in situations like this?
-- MortifiedDear Morty,
You dig a hole in the sand and bury your head in it for a few weeks until the humiliation wears off. At least, that's what you wish you could do when you get yourself tangled up in a situation like this. Here are four real-world options for people in these circumstances (though, sadly, since a few weeks have passed, they won't all apply to you):
- In the moment: You could laugh it off right then and there. Joke that you swear that wasn't a Freudian slip, just an innocent slip of the
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Wed, Jun 3, 2009 3:58 PM EDT
Advice from three of EMandLO.com's guy friends. This week they answer the following: We know that men love boobs, but is there such a thing as too much cleavage? At what point - if any - does it become tacky to guys? Is it all about the situation and context? (Click here to ask the Wise Guys your own question.)
Straight Married Guy (Matt): Yes, I guess there's such a thing as too much cleavage. If I took a date to a wedding and she rolled up with 3/4 of her boobs out, I'd be a little embarrassed (and, okay - it'd probably turn me on at the same time). You see, my inner ape is endlessly fascinated with boobs, and seeing cleavage is always appreciated. But sometimes it's inappropriate or tacky. I think all guys are a little schizophrenic about this. It's like, man, that is a ridiculously cheesy outfit… but I wish I could see the rest of those boobs.
Straight Single Guy (Colin): I fall in love all over again with cleavage each day, but I guess when you really get down to it, there are a few specific contexts when it's time to cover up. The scenarios are hard to distinguish. If you're meeting my family, it's a no-go on breast exposure, whereas if you're meeting my co-workers, it's totally okay. If we're going to dinner, take them out, but if it's Sunday brunch you might want to keep them concealed. If you're a woman with real class, you'll always find a way to pull it off. But please, double check with a friend who's not afraid to hurt your feelings before you try something like J-Lo's 2000 Grammy dress.Read More »from Em & Lo's Wise Guys: Is There Such a Thing as Too Much Cleavage?
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Tue, Jun 2, 2009 9:10 PM EDT
Other people's dreams are never interesting…except when they're about sex. Each week, EMandLO.com's dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means (after the jump). This week, a woman asks Lauri:
To start you must know the characters in my dream, there were only two… me and my male neighbor (I live in a townhouse, so he's really close). In real life a week ago, we had sex. We've never dated, he seemed to fancy me, so I invited him over to my place for a movie. Well, we never watched the movie and one thing led to another, it was cheap sex on the couch, then he left. I felt it went too fast and was a mistake, clearly he isn't right for me. That next week I tried to contact him and invite him on a hike or something via email and phone but couldn't get communication going. His last email read, "I'm laying low for now I want to get back with my girlfriend Donna." I haven't talked to him since.
So… Last night I was dreaming he was in bed with me wanting to give me a massage - no sex involved, he promised. I was very sleepy and just wanted to fall asleep peacefully. I finally took off my clothes and lay there, he spooned me and I told him to get out and go home! He jumped in the shower for 5 seconds, I thought that was a very short shower. I sat in the chair in the bedroom and put on a shirt and was about to put on some pants when he came in the room and fired I think about 5 shots in my chest. I actually felt the blood ooze down my crossed arms, it seemed so real. Then I softly said "I knew it."
Startled with this, I woke up and had trouble getting back to sleep. This is the first time I was shot like that in a dream and knew who it was doing the shooting. I wondered in those waking hours if this dream was telling me something to beware of with him. I live alone and am very frightened now. Please help.Read More »from Dream Interpretation: My One-Night Stand Shot Me Through the Heart
The traditional striptease is not for everyone: some consider it the ultimate display of female sexual power, reducing male viewers to quivering bowls of jelly, while others find it embarrassing or even demeaning. One thing's for sure: many a man truly enjoys the visual, so an erotic dance can be a generous gift. This is not to suggest that the ladies don't like to look too. Or that a striptease can't be a joint effort or a male endeavor - we think it should be, and often. Therefore a woman should feel free to tell her fella, "You first" or "Now your turn!" But for the sake of simplicity, the following tips are written assuming the lady in the relationship wants to be the first to perform. By the way, don't think you need the body of a model or stripper to dance suggestively for your partner. He'll be focused on the show, not on your so-called imperfections. You go-go girl! (Just please don't install a pole in your bedroom.)
- Rent 9 1/2 Weeks to learn from Kim Basinger's
EMandLO.com's Dr. Kate is an OB/GYN at one of the largest teaching hospitals in New York City and she answers your sexual health questions on a regular basis. To ask her your own question, click here.
I need answers to this question or I'm afraid it'll ruin my relationship. When I'm having sex with my boyfriend, most of the time I do not get wet at all. He says I used to, but now I don't. Even when I orgasm, sometimes it doesn't get wet. Sometimes even when he's performing oral on me. He thinks he doesn't turn me on anymore or I'm with someone else, but that's not true. I'm enjoying every second of fooling around with him, so I don't understand why this happens so often.
- High and Dry
Dear High and Dry,
Lubrication is a tricky beast - we always seem to have either too much of it, or not enough. First thing, you may actually be getting wet, but he's not always noticing. Vaginal fluid can pool in the back of the vagina, where it's less noticeable, or it may be drying very quickly (on you or on the sheets). And if he's using saliva at all during oral sex (and how could he not?), how can he tell what "wetness" is from you versus what's from him?
But your boyfriend may be accurate in his perception that you're more dry than before. There are many causes of vaginal dryness:Read More »from Help, I'm Dry as the Sahara!
- EMandLO.com | Love + Sex – Thu, May 28, 2009 11:26 PM EDT
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, "How much younger than them do you think most guys are comfortable dating before it becomes embarrassing? Or is there no limit as long as the youngster in question is legal and not a complete airhead?"
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Yes, there is an age too young for anyone to date. But I think it happens only after you hit 35. Any dating combo of two people both under 35 (provided both are over 21…yes, 21, not 18) is probably not a big deal. No one really considers themselves that old before hitting 35.
After 35, all bets are off. If you're over 35 and you date someone more than 10 years your junior, you will -- and rightly so -- be mocked (and silently envied) by your friends and enemies for such dating hubris. It will put you squarely in the "oh please" zone. And this goes for both men and women: Dating much younger than yourself connotes a power dynamic that is creepy yet totally gender non-specific.Read More »from Em & Lo's Wise Guys: How Much Younger Than Him Can a Man Date?
If you happen to be thinking of one person while you are doing another, keep your verbiage to a minimum, in case you mistakenly call out the wrong name. If you inadvertently speak before you think, remain calm, carry on, pretend you didn't even realize you spoke the misnomer, and pray to the gods above that your partner didn't hear it.
If the gods are frowning upon you and your partner did hear a third missing party's name, play "dumb," but only if you can deliver a convincing performance. Either way, you must ultimately bend to your partner's will with the utmost humility, explain it was simply a matter of misfiring synapses and a slip of the tongue, all the while figuratively (or literally, if they like) bestowing kisses to their posterior.
Should you be the recipient of such a dagger to the ear, it's totally fine to be outraged and hurt. It's also completely acceptable to put a halt to the rutting immediately. However, keep some perspective on the matter. It's not likeRead More »from What If the Wrong Name Is Said in Bed?