Blog Posts by EMandLO.com

You've heard of the G-spot, the spongy tissue surrounding the urethra that can be stimulated via the front wall of the vagina (pleasurably for some, not so much for others). And we hope you've heard of the P-spot (a.k.a. the male G-spot, a.k.a. the prostate gland). But what about the PS-Spot? Well, just beneath a woman's perineum (that short bridge of tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus) is a tightly packed tangle of blood vessels alternately known as the perineal sponge, the perineal body, or - you guessed it! - the PS-spot. Like other erectile tissue, this mass fills with blood upon arousal and can be sensitive to massage and pressure via the perineum, via the lower back wall of the vagina (opposite the G-spot), or via the anus. Just because every women's magazine hasn't written a million articles on it (like they have on the G-spot) doesn't mean it's not deserving of your love and attention. Who knows, it could be your magic button. So press it!

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys ever turn down casual sex? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): My own experience with casual sex is a bit limited. I was always a "girlfriend guy" and it was only between relationships that I occasionally had the chance to get freaky with someone I wasn't dating. I'm sure there are plenty of reasons why a guy might choose to go home to his Xbox over a no-strings-attached BJ, but in my case it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk. Call me old-fashioned, but there's just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home. The couple of times I did go home with someone who was far less than sober, the sex was always overly urgent and awkward and (shocker!) I usually regretted it.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes guys do, contrary to

Yes, we're talking about the good old-fashioned hickey -- that simple little expression of unbridled passion that can immediately take you back to your first few heady times of making out (oh, to be young again!). Of course, the love bite should not be administered (or accepted) willy-nilly. Only the hidden hickey (breast, back, shoulder etc.) may be given at any time and without permission, assuming the person on the receiving end is a committed partner with a good sense of humor who's thoroughly enjoying it. (If not, get permission first.) The half-hidden hickey (e.g. just behind the collar) may be administered with implicit permission to a trusted and trusting partner. The blatantly obvious hickey (neck!) may be planted only with explicit permission, since visible hickies can get people fired/excommunicated/pointed and laughed at. Remember, we're not talking about breaking skin (always a no no). Just a gentle sucking that leaves a small mark that your partner can look at lovingly

photo via funfactory.de

Hi Em & Lo,
I recently turned twenty and for a few months now have been curiously debating getting a vibrator. Thanks to a fairly conservative upbringing, my experiences with sex, masturbation, and just about anything conceivably related are virtually nil, and I have no idea how to go about finding what would be a good place to start. On top of that, I'm a broke college student and I can't spend a lot of money. Do you have any somewhat inexpensive but still good quality recommendations? Any advice would be much, much appreciated!
--Bargain Hunter

Dear B.H.,

Good for you! Exploring on your own is the best way to start learning the pattern of your sexual response -- especially if you've had a conservative upbringing and/or little to nil sexual experience. Too many straight women wait for a fella to come 'round to show them the way -- but those dudes often don't have a map (or else they don't care if you get left behind). But if more women

photo by angela n.

Aside from a few inevitable "Yeswecan"s and "Nodrama"s that will surely festoon a birth certificate or two, we imagine there will be a handful of more palatable monikers experiencing a surge on baby name lists come October 2009:

1. Hope
2. Bo
3. Chance
4. Change
5. Victor/Victoria
6. Sasha
7. Malia
8. Fey / Fae / Faye
9. Joe / Jo
10. Brock

(And, of course, "Hussein" will become THE most popular middle name for boys and girls alike.)

Do you have any Obama-inspired names to add to the list?

More from EMandLO.com:

• What to Say If Your Pick-Up Line Actually Works
  
• Dear Em & Lo: I'm Terrified of Going to the Gyno!
• Do It Tonight! Be Submissive...On Purpose
• Poll: Could You Handle Daddy/Mommy Issues in Bed?
• Wise Guys: Why Do Men Masturbate When They're in a Relationship?

photo by Gemma Longman

Knowing how to shake hands properly is not necessarily a sex- or relationship-related skill. However, it can certainly get a potential love or lust connection off to the wrong start - it could even squelch that potential entirely! So when you're out tonight at a party, meeting new people and shaking hands, do it right. Avoid grips in the extreme - your hand should pass for neither a vice nor a wet noodle. Your grip should feel firm yet comforting, like a blood pressure strap after one squeeze of the air ball. Look the person in the eye for the duration of the handshake. Three shakes will suffice. These rules hold fast no matter the gender of the shakers. Women and men work, play, and screw like rabbits as equals, and the proper handshake should reflect this. Ladies, have you ever seen Martha Stewart shake hands? She thinks she's the Queen, offering just her fingertips like she's dipping them in Palmolive - and consider how much sex appeal she has! Gentlemen, the

photo by Anika Malone

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: "Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?"

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Every guy has a regular masturbation frequency (RMF) that is more or less unchangeable (though over the long-term, factors which usually have nothing to do with sex - like age or stress - can influence it). Take however many orgasms a guy's already having with his partner and multiply it by his RMF - that's how much a guy will masturbate. For example, a friend tells you his RMF is 1.3, so if he's had a total of 3 orgasms with his partner in the past week, you multiply that by 1.3 to get the number of times he'll want to masturbate that week (about 4). Now, some guys are high (RMF=2 or more) and others are low (RMF=1 or less!). But even if he has a really low RMF, like .25, that still means he'll want to masturbate once after he's had sex five times with his partner that week. So don't focus on whether or not he's masturbating: it's a given. Instead, engage him on what he's doing while he's masturbating - what he's looking at, or imagining, or fantasizing about. That's where you'll learn about your guy.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Perhaps the most obvious answer would be "Why shouldn't they?" (As long as it's not interfering with the sex - "Sorry, honey, I've already come three times today.") No, wait, the most obvious answer is, "Because they're men." I'm sure, when it's all over with, that people don't look back on their lives, regardless of gender, and wish they'd had fewer orgasms. Also, if it's meant to be a monogamous relationship, better he should have the extra fun with himself than with some third (or fourth, etc.) party(-ies).

photo by Simon Davison

For gynecologist Dr. Kate's take on the same question, check out her post on EMandLO.com. To ask Em & Lo your own advice question, click here.

Hey Em and Lo,

I know how important it is to see a gyno, but honestly, I am terrified to go. I've actually made several appointments since I lost my virginity about nine months ago, but every time the date approaches, I find myself canceling last minute. I've tried positive thinking, ignoring thoughts of the upcoming exam, and mentally walking myself through the steps that I expect the exam to take. However, every time I do, I get so nervous I nearly puke. I know how important it is to be checked regularly and especially now that I'm not a virgin. Can you give me any advice on how to overcome my fear?

Sincerely,
'Fraidy Cat

Dear 'Fraidy Cat,

That's a bummer.

Okay, that's all the sympathy you're going to get from us, because you've got to get over it. Your health is at stake, especially now that you're sexually active - and there's nothing more important.

We all have to do things we don't like: take our vitamins, shovel snow when it's blocking the front door, pay our taxes, leave the womb. But we do it; we just get it over with as quickly and with as little fanfare as possible - and it ultimately makes our lives easier and better. When you were a kid, you certainly didn't want to get your shots, but you had to, your parents made you, you didn't have a choice - and at the time, you probably thought you were going to die. But you didn't. And because you got the shots, you've avoided getting terrible diseases which could have killed you. See, better!*

Since you haven't outlined what it is exactly that you're afraid of, it sounds like it's more an irrational fear of the unknown. Trust us, you're making a bigger deal out of it than it really is. (You probably thought the same thing when you finally lost your virginity: What's the big deal?) Yes, there are much more enjoyable things to do than go to the gynecologist - even listening to Spencer Pratt talk is better…but not by much! You lie back, bend your knees, spread your legs, breathe deeply and try to relax while your gyno takes a look down there (more deets from Dr. Kate tomorrow). It usually takes less than two minutes (though our nerves can make it feel like fifteen). It's not painful, just a bit uncomfortable and awkward.

Here are 8 things we'd recommend to make the whole thing less daunting, i.e. more comfortable and less awkward: