Blog Posts by The_Stir

You're at a large banquet devouring hamburgers and strawberries and cake. Life is good. But then -- the strawberries are suddenly spoiled! Why? And then a giant sausage starts chasing you around the table. People are throwing food and spilling milk and soon you're swept away in a giant milk flood. What does it all mean?

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You've been dreaming about food again, haven't you? Don't worry, it happens to all of us. Are your food dreams trying to tell you something -- besides that you're hungry? Keep reading to find the secrets of edible dreams.

We're consulting the experts here, including SmartGirl's Dream Dictionary and Glamour Magazine's Dream Dictionary.

In general, happy dreams about eating mean you're satisfied in your relationship. Same goes with food -- if you have a positive dream about any food, it usually means you're feeling satisfied with life or that you're enjoying good health.

Eating

I'm seeing a lot of celebrities stepping out in pareos lately, and now that I've researched them, I think I have to have one or twenty.

The pareo is basically an infinity dress for the beach. It's a lightweight piece of cloth that can be worn many different ways.

Tie it around your waist to get snacks at the pool or loop it around your neck and make a quick dress so that you can run an errand without changing.

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I love the pareo because you can turn it into a cover-up that suits your own body type, whether you want to bare a lot of skin or just a little.

Want to see some affordable pareos and get detailed instructions on how to wear yours?

Read on!

This tie-dyed pareo by INC (Macy's, $69.50) is gorgeous, and nice enough to wear on the beach or out on the town.

Pareos can be costly. Luckily, Old Navy has them on sale now for just $15.50. This pareo comes in pink, turquoise, and sand.

If

Having a hot sexual connection is pretty much one of the best, most integral aspects of a relationship, marriage, life really. So it would seem like a major shame if people who happen to also have a deep connection to God were missing out. Researchers from Kansas University saying they are. According to their survey of 14,500 people, the more religious you are, the worse your sex life is. And thus, atheists have the best sex.

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Why? Well, obviously, religious people don't enjoy their sexual experiences as much due to the stigma created by their uptight belief systems. So much so that they're overcome with intense feelings of regret after an orgasm. (Yeesh! That is a damn shame!) On the other hand, non-believers are said to be more willing to discuss sexual fantasies and are more satisfied with their experiences.

The good news? Converting can help!

Yup, people who abandoned their religious beliefs said their sex

Memorial Day is fast approaching, and along with it comes a highly anticipated three-day weekend. I don't know about you, but on Monday, May 30, I plan on sitting on the beach and spending the day doing absolutely nothing.

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It's not often that I get to say that. And the truth of it all is that I'm not alone. On Memorial Day weekend, it's almost assumed that everyone takes a little time off. But the rest of the year? Not so much. On average, the typical American worker gets three weeks paid vacation time, and only 57 percent of us actually use up all the days we're entitled to. Compare that number to the whopping 89 percent vacation time workers use in France, and that's just absurd! I know Monday's already a national holiday, but I'm taking it upon myself to also declare it the beginning of a national EMERGENCY.

It's time to face the facts: We're being way too hard on ourselves. When was the last time you took some

Summer is seriously coming everybody, no matter what it looks like outside your window. While many of you may be dreaming of backyard barbecues and days spent at the pool, other, more proper folks are fantasizing about being able to step out in white for the first time since Labor Day '10. For all of you rule-followers, you're in luck. Apparently every single retail store got the memo about that whole "white" thing and they are stocking up.

More from The Stir: The Pareo: A Summer Must-Have

But how does one negotiate the racks of boring tees without getting distracted by the impractical white leather jacket? Never fear, we're here to sort out the good from the bad and, of course, from the really fugly.

Here are five great looks in white to bust out after Memorial Day.

The Dress

Weekend at the summer house? Pack this cotton 3/4 sleeve dress ($158) from J.Crew to go from lunch to cocktails. Loving that lace touch that helps distinguish the dress from the other

The decision of who we marry is probably the most important decision we will ever make in our lives. We make other commitments, of course -- buy real estate, get dogs, have children -- but the person with whom we walk down that aisle is the one who will be right next to us our whole lives.

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So why do so many people do it so wrong? We are scared, it seems. We are scared of being alone, scared of not having kids, scared of a million things. But marrying the wrong guy leaves us more lonely than being alone. And one woman in England described for the Daily Mail just how. Writer Claire Lindsey who had her own disastrous first marriage says:

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So here are 9 signs

Men who orgasm too quickly and the women they frustrate -- sounds like the catchy title of a new self-help book. Hmm. Anyhow, it happens more than you think, leaving legions of women post-coitally aroused and reaching for their toys.

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But if I had to choose between a lover who takes too long or one who shoots his load too quickly, I'd choose the latter. Because there's nothing worse than lying there while your partner is still going at it and you're satiated with your one, two, or even three orgasms, waiting to get on with your life and either go to sleep or go downstairs and fold some laundry.

So if your lover doesn't last long enough and you need a little more time, here are a few things you can do to help him slow the process down:

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Extend foreplay: Make pre-penile penetration time more meaningful. A little massage, some cunnilingus, and hopefully an orgasm

Being a bridesmaid is a huge honor, as witnessed by the epic toast one-upmanship between Kristin Wiig and Rose Byrne as seen in the genius Bridesmaids. It also requires a heck of a lot of work. Since you (presumably) love the lady who has bestowed this honor upon you, you'll definitely line up for cheesy bachelorette parties, endless conversations about flowers, and the dress. Oh, the dress.

Let's face it, bridesmaid dresses just suck. Anytime you're expected to find a dress that works for two to five different body types, it's a recipe for disaster. Pippa aside, I have never seen a stellar bridesmaid dress that existed outside of the, "Ladies, buy a black dress that flatters you and I'll see you on the aisle" type of wedding.

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But what makes a bridesmaid dress so hideous? I don't know how to qualify it, but like porn, I just know it when I see it. Here are some dresses that you'll know