Illustration: Brett RyderBy Helen Fisher, PhD
What is intimacy to you?" Recently, I asked this of a man I've been seeing. He replied, "Doing things together." I knew what he meant.
Most of us have a primal craving to be truly known by someone before we die, to build a deeply committed relationship based on honesty, trust, self-disclosure, respect, appreciation, interdependence, and togetherness. But the sexes often define intimacy differently. When women want to draw closer, we face each other, lock eyes in what has been called the "anchoring gaze," and proceed to reveal our hopes, our worries, our lives. To women, intimacy is talking face-to-face-a behavior that probably evolved millions of years ago when ancestral females spent their days holding their infants up in front of them, soothing them with words.
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Men, however, often regard intimacy as working or playing side-by-side. Sure, they might discuss a bad week at work, even troubles in their love lives. But
Blog Posts by Oprah.com
- Oprah.com | Love + Sex – Sat, Sep 24, 2011 12:40 AM EDT
Illustration: Brett RyderBy Helen Fisher, PhDRead More »from Want More Intimacy in Your Relationship? Here's What to Do
Photo: Marko Metzinger/Studio DBy Adam Glassman
In the Black
My time in Basel, Switzerland, at the world's largest watch fair taught me: (1) I can live without fondue, and (2) black watches are huge this fall.RELATED: Jennifer Lopez Spices Up O Readers' Wardrobes for Fall
Timex Originals Modern Easy Reader, $60; nordstrom.com.
Rado True Thinline, $1,600; rado.com.
Seiko, $295; seikousa.com.
Limited Edition Movado BOLD by Chris Benz, $550; movado.com.
Citizen Eco-Drive Stiletto, $475; citizenwatch.com.
DKNY NY8300, $215; dkny.com.
Photo: Marko Metzinger/Studio DCash and Carry
When is a wallet not just a wallet? When a chain or strap turns it into an instant shoulder bag. Marc Jacobs's quilted-leather take on this fall trend has a detachable chain. I love it!RELATED: 12 Non-Dorky Backpacks for Grown-Ups
Ginger Crossbody purse in poppy, $495; 212-343-1490
Photo: Marko Metzinger/Studio DPython is the New Leopard
Please note: We at O show only faux. No snakes were harmed to bring you these styles.Read More »from The Next Big Thing: 3 Fall Trends We Love
Photo: Gregor HalendaThese handy devices help you breeze through your day, with plenty of time to spare.Read More »from 5 Gadgets That Will Cut Your To-Do List in Half
300 Instant Camera
Polaroid is back and cuter than ever, reminding everybody that a photo in hand is worth two on the screen. As if this camera weren't fun enough, the pictures come out the size of business cards.
$89.99 | polaroid.com
RELATED: 12 Non-Dorky Backpacks for Grown-Ups
Photo: Gregor HalendaZyliss Salad Spinner
The Spin Zone
"The salad spinner is the best invention since salad! This one is beautifully constructed with a base that can double as a serving bowl." - Oprah
$19.99 for small, $24.99 for large | bedbathandbeyond.com
RELATED: O's Great Buys of the Day
Photo: KeateQuik Pod
Get the Picture
"Tired of flagging down fellow tourists to get vacation snapshots? This easy-to-pack extendable arm lets you capture the moment yourself. It works with every digital camera and includes a tripod for full-length photos." - Oprah
$29.95 with accessories | quikpod.com
RELATED: 4-Step Makeover: Upgrade Your
- Oprah.com | Healthy Living – Fri, Sep 23, 2011 3:23 AM EDT
Photo: ThinkstockBy Corrie Pikul
Instead of Running (679 calories at a pace of 11 minutes per mile)...Try Ultimate Frisbee (572 calories)
In high school or college, did you view running as a necessary evil and a way to warm up for a more exciting team sport? Then seek out Ultimate Frisbee pickup games in your area (more info at USAUltimate.org). This self-officiated sport is similar to rugby played with a Frisbee instead of a ball, and tends to draw laid-back, social types who prioritize friendly competition over personal records. Leagues are usually welcoming to newcomers, but coordination is key, so you might want to play a few games with your dog-or your kids-first.
Calorie counts are based on a 150-pound woman working out for 60 minutes, using data from Exercise Testing and Prescription by David C. Nieman.
RELATED: Body Image MakeoversPhoto: ThinkstockInstead of Step Aerobics (360-714 calories)...Try Hula Hooping (420-600 calories)
Chances are that you weren't thinking about improving your muscle toneRead More »from 4 Fun Exercises Your Trainer Doesn't Want You to Know About
Photo: ThinkstockBy Lynn AndrianiRead More »from Simple Ways to Improve Family Meals
Since they didn't want to hurt your feelings, your family tipped us off, hoping we'd deliver the message. Here's what's on their minds.
More Taco Nights!
Interactive meals add fireworks to a ho-hum weekday dinner. Grill pizzas, roll up stir fried pork and vegetables in lettuce wraps, assemble fajitas just the way you like them. Even fondue can be a filling supper if you dip cubed ham and vegetables along with bread. This post on how to be a dinner hacker has even more non-boring meal ideas.
RELATED: Gayle's Great Sandwich Search
One Equals Three
Stop putting pressure on yourself to serve the classic-and outdated!-meat and two full sides every night. At the same time, serving one meat (say, a roasted chicken) with a time-saving salad and baguette gets old fast. Our idea? Skip the meat altogether. Try this delicious pasta with roasted butternut squash and sage.
RELATED: Cheap Eats Across America
Use More Olive Oil or Butter...Pretty Please?
Finishing a dish with
Photo: ThinkstockBy Corrie PikulRead More »from How to Deal with Your Kid's Weird Friends
Your child is hilarious, interesting, clever-frankly, he's all-around delightful. But his friends are ...well, we're all adults here, so let's just come out with it: Some of them are weird. You don't get them, and you suspect that the other grade school students don't either. You want to deal with the situation in the most unobtrusive and sensitive manner possible, and you definitely don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but you don't want to ignore warning signs of an unhealthy and possibly toxic relationship either.
RELATED: Helpful Parenting Ideas
To find out how to manage this parenting dilemma, we called Matthew Goldfine, PhD, a clinical child psychologist at the Columbia University Clinic for Anxiety and Related Disorders. He treats children, teens and adults. We asked him for advice on several types of friends.
1. The (Potentially) Bad Influence
How you'd describe them: They act out, make the kinds of poor choices that you're always cautioning your children
Photo: ThinkstockTwo women tell about the fresh, strange, liberating moment when they saw themselves in a new light.
A Swelling of Confidence
By Elaina Richardson
One of my favorite pictures of my mother was snapped by a street photographer in 1956 when she was in her early 20s. It's in black-and-white, but I know from listening to her that the slender coat she's wearing, with its little velvet collar and matching hat, is dark green and that she loved it immeasurably because it made her look elegant and sophisticated, which is exactly how this beautiful, high-cheekboned woman with lovely legs and a slightly hesitant expression wanted the world to see her. She didn't want her poverty-ridden, education-interrupted origins to show through. That cost her, and the reason I know it did also has to do with the green coat. An oft-repeated story of hers was about the day she was wearing the coat and caught the eye of a young doctor. They dated some, until the night in his car when he felt obliged to lectureRead More »from 2 Instant Shots of Self-Esteem
- Oprah.com | Healthy Living – Wed, Sep 21, 2011 5:52 PM EDT
Photo: ThinkstockPrepare to be surprised by the health benefits of pills that contain no medicine.Read More »from The Latest Science on Placebos: Surprising Benefits You Never Knew About
1. In a Harvard Medical School study, researchers gave people with irritable bowel syndrome a bottle of pills labeled "PLACEBO" and explained that placebos have been shown to be effective in clinical studies. Even though the meds were obvious fakes, they still worked. Patients experienced significant improvement in their symptoms.
RELATED: 12 Ways to Improve Your Family's Health
2. A March report from the German Medical Association found that placebos injected intravenously are more effective than those taken orally, and that the more expensive the placebo, the higher the success rate.
RELATED: When (if Ever) to Start Getting Botox
3. Among patients with osteoarthritis of the knee, sham acupuncture (in which needles are inserted at nontraditional locations) worked just as well for pain relief as the real thing, according to a study in Arthritis Care & Research. And patients reported better results when
Photo: ThinkstockBy Deborah WayRead More »from How to Feel Good Naked
For years Laure Redmond hated her body: too fat, too freckled, too lumpy, too stumpy. And that hatred was like a set of shackles holding her back from life. Now a self-esteem coach who specializes in mind/body issues, Redmond has made a career of helping women and teenage girls get over what she calls their body demons. Her goal for them is summed up in the title of her 2001 book: Feel Good Naked. It's not about naked for naked's sake, she says-it's about the amazing confidence that comes with being at ease in your own skin.
RELATED: Body Image Makeovers
O: Let's be clear here: You're not advocating some kind of nudist revolution, correct?
Laure: (Laughs) No, streaking is not going to make a comeback as a result of my message. I just want women to feel good about their bodies so they can feel good about themselves-because when a woman feels good naked, it shows. She has an allure that comes through in the way she moves or talks or laughs. Her confidence isn't rooted in
Photo: ThinkstockBy Corrie PikulRead More »from How to Be Impulsive - Without Gaining Weight
A new study about personality and weight confirms what anyone who has tried to balance eating well and living well knows: the people who are most likely to get invited to a last-minute luau are the same people who will have the hardest time resisting the pineapple upside-down cake.
RELATED: The New Generation of Weight Loss Spas
Researchers from the National Institute on Aging analyzed data from a study of 1,988 people using the assessment tool of the "Big Five" personality traits, which include openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. [Curious about your personality profile? You can learn more about the Big Five personality test at the Berkeley Personality Lab site, and then take an online version of the test.]
RELATED: Kevin Smith Takes on "Too-Fat-to-Fly" Airline Policies
The strongest predictor of who would be overweight was impulsivity, they reported in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. We could have guessed that,