Digital DatingBy Justin Rocket Silverman for HowAboutWe
Commitment is impossible for me.
Why commit, when the world of online dating offers a constant and appealing array of potential ladies? It's like a high-quality buffet in Vegas, with no penalty for discarding one dish in favor of another, hotter entrée. I might even be eyeing the other options before I've really gotten know the one I just put on my plate.
Or so says The Atlantic, in a well-titled story called "A Million First Dates." Online dating, the story asserts, is turning men into dating-monsters, who use their internet connection to date, and subsequently discard, as many women as possible.
In the story we meet "Jacob," who demonstrates the sheer impossibility of caring too deeply for any one relationship, especially when there are so many women vying for his attention on the computer screen. Never mind that his main activities in life appear to be watching sports and going to bars. As we are quick to learn, he doesn't really mind if
Blog Posts by HowAboutWe
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Wed, Jan 16, 2013 2:27 PM EST
Digital DatingBy Justin Rocket Silverman for HowAboutWeRead More »from "Bigger Better" Syndrome: Is the Internet Turning Men into Serial Dating Machines?
Dates don't have to be fancy to be great.By HowAboutWeRead More »from Why We Still (Really) Need Dating
This past Friday, the New York Times all but declared that dating is dead (though they hedged with a question mark: "The End of Courtship?"). You're probably familiar with the territory of this well-worn trend story: We're now living in a "hookup culture" where women are lucky if suitors grace them with a booty call text message before 10 p.m., much less show up with flowers, much less pick them up, much less ask them on a proper date at all.
Dates may have suffered a beating, but it's crucial that we save them from further harm. (And let's be clear: a "date" can be anything from a seven course dinner at a five-star restaurant to a free museum tour; it doesn't have to be lavish in order to count.) But dating is absolutely necessary; its importance cannot be overstated. Here's why dates are so critical to the beginning (and duration, but that's a separate story) of a relationship:
1) Sexual chemistry - do you have it? A date isn't the only way to tell, but it's the
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Jan 15, 2013 3:40 PM EST
Stoopin' ItBy Chiara Atik for HowAboutWeRead More »from Millennial Women, Rejoice: It’s Our Hookup Culture, Too
Dating, courtship, and any hope you might have of a functional relationship is dead, at least according to The New York Times, which this past weekend painted a pretty bleak picture of the romantic lives of twenty-somethings. In "The End of Courtship," Alex Williams describes a world where an evening of boxed mac n' cheese equals romance, where attraction is conveyed via tweets, and where all of it seems to be happening without the consent of women, who are forced to covet scraps of male attention in the form of 10 pm text messages and group hang-outs that may or may not result in sex but will under no circumstances lead to a relationship.
The article cites a laundry list of reasons for this depressing landscape, both economic and technological, but the fault seems to lie in the hookup culture that permeates major cities and college campuses around the country. Because we came of age by hooking up at parties, the argument goes, millennial women are
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Jan 8, 2013 1:36 PM EST
Midas TouchBy Chiara Atick for HowAboutWeRead More »from Do You Judge a Man Based on His Clothes? What If His Clothes Are Made of Gold?
Money can't buy love, but it CAN buy a $23,000 custom-made gold shirt, which you can wear to impress ladies, or at the very least, get some international press.
Datta Phuge of Pimpri-Chinchwad, India, hired 15 goldsmiths to make his gilded tunic, which he's styled with, oh, six? seven? gold chain necklaces, three gold cuffs, an enormous gold watch, seven golden rings, and a crystal pendant.
Says Phuge, "I know I am not the best looking man in the world but surely no woman could fail to be dazzled by this shirt?"
Plus: Fascinating (& Surprising) Patterns Discovered By Analyzing One Million First Dates
Well, for the record, I don't think he's terrible looking; nothing a trip to the barber wouldn't fix, anyway. But more to the point, there is absolutely no way that a perfectly average-looking man who can afford a $23,000 shirt would need to resort to wearing something outlandish in order to get attention. I mean, my goodness, when did it get difficult
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Jan 8, 2013 1:32 PM EST
Wedding cakeBy Jennifer Armstrong for HowAboutWeRead More »from Chasing “Happily Ever After”: Why You Should Wait for the Real Thing (And How I Almost Didn’t)
Dan and I met when we worked on a college homecoming float together at Northwestern University just outside Chicago-his fraternity and my sorority were partnered for the parade, I was a sophomore, he was a junior. I was still dating my high school sweetheart, but soon enough, I wasn't. Dan would become my first "adult" relationship-my first sex, my first make-life-plans-together, my first follow-him-across-the-country, my first cohabitation, and ultimately, my first engagement.
It would take a decade, but it would all happen, until one day I woke up improbably doubting the impending wedding plans that had seemed to take forever to get to. Where once I was obsessing over what I'd say in my vows when we finally got engaged someday, instead I was thinking: Crap, there are vows? Like, forever vows?
What I would eventually learn is that "cold feet" are not a harmless nervous reaction to potentially getting hitched. While well-meaning relatives and
- HowAboutWe | Book Club – Wed, Jan 2, 2013 3:14 PM EST
OutdatesBy Jennifer Armstrong for HowAboutWeRead More »from 5 Relationship Books that Are Actually Worth Your While
For most of us, there's no more dysfunctional relationship in our lives than the one we have with self-help books that purport to tell us the secrets to relationships. We know they're silly, full of crap, and oftentimes detrimental (hi, Why Men Love Bitches!), but the human heart is a confusing place. And when we get lost, where do we go? To those blasted books. Maybe they'll be different this time, we rationalize. Maybe the next one will tell me the ultimate secret to love and everlasting happiness.
Well, probably not. But as a longtime lover/hater of such books, I've become a bit of a connoisseur. And I can tell you that if you read one of these five (admittedly not your typical self-help books, but instructional and relationship-oriented nonetheless), you won't hate yourself in the morning. In fact, you'll learn something useful along the way:
Plus: How To Stop Playing The Blame Game When You're Single
Yes, it seems weird to
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Wed, Jan 2, 2013 12:27 PM EST
DatingBy Nikki Metzgar for HowAboutWeRead More »from Finding the Balance Between Caution & Joyous Free Fall: My 8 Dating Resolutions for 2013
One year ago, I was recovering from the worst break-up of my life and my dating resolutions for 2012 were mostly aimed at getting me out of the quicksand. This year it's more about finding the tricky balance between caution and joyous free fall and maybe minimizing some of the loopy overanalyzing of every single word and action (but we are who we are).
1. Get over this 'man of action' obsession.
After getting involved with a lot of indecisive men, I began to get obsessed with this idea of a guy who knew he wanted to be with me and would prove it by coming to get me. No one wants lukewarm affections, but I'm not a princess at the top of a tower waiting for the bravest knight to declare his passion for me. It hurts when people change their minds and are unsure, but they're allowed to up until a certain point.
Plus: 23 Reasons to Date a Midwesterner
2. Know when to quit.
Eight months of 2012 were spent still entangled with a guy who broke up with me in
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, Dec 20, 2012 2:58 PM EST
A Christmas StoryBy Michelle L. Dozois for HowAboutWeRead More »from You Said It: The Best Gifts You’ve Ever Received from a Significant Other
We asked, you answered: Here's a roundup of some amazing gifts our readers have received from, or given to, their significant others. Check them out and get inspired. (And tell us yours in the comments!)
"I'm an actor and all-around huge theater nerd; I also used to work in a rare books library at my college and love old books like nobody's business. For Christmas last year, my boyfriend got me the complete works of Shakespeare published by Yale in 1964 - each play is its own individual book, beautifully bound, and I have them all lined up on a shelf. The collection is missing Othello, so we get to look for it together at used bookstores, flea markets, etc."
Plus: In a Relationship? Check Out HowAboutWe for Couples!
"One Sunday, my boyfriend rented a car and took me on a surprise adventure to a winery where we ate, drank, and crushed grapes with our feet - item #17 on my bucket list! Turns out he had noticed my bucket list on my fridge and
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, Dec 20, 2012 2:36 PM EST
An Intangible GiftBy Robin Hilmantel for HowAboutWeRead More »from 5 Reasons Why Experiences Are the Best Kind of Gifts
Don't know what to get for your better half this holiday season? The solution is simple: Give them an experience rather than something they could potentially stash in the back of their closet. "People often have a hard time allocating money to experiences and activities because it can feel like you'll have nothing to show for it afterward," says Dr. Jane Greer, a relationship counselor and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship. "But it's a great way to show your partner you care and that you're supporting them in their efforts to do what they enjoy most." Not convinced? Check out five reasons you should give a no-wrapping-paper-required gift this year (and then check out these 5 ideas for great dates to give).
Plus: In a Relationship? Check Out HowAboutWe for Couples
1 Science says they'll like it. A bunch of research shows that shelling out your hard-earned cash on experiences makes people happier than
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, Dec 20, 2012 2:16 PM EST
Instagram by Michelle L. DozoisBy Michelle L. Dozois for HowAboutWeRead More »from Last-Minute Gift Idea: A Flickr Pro Subscription, for Your Favorite Former Instagrammer
I created my first Flickr account back in 2005, when I decided I wanted to post my senior year party pics somewhere a little shinier and classier than Webshots. I loved the advanced features Flickr offered, and gladly shelled out $25/year for the "Pro" account.
But as the years went on, I begrudgingly thought "Do I really need this?" every time I had to re-up my subscription or else lose access to all but my 200 most recent photos. I was using Tumblr, Facebook, and Instagram much more than Flickr; I vehemently nodded in agreement every time someone on Twitter compared Flickr to a dusty old shoebox. It had become a repository for all of my photos, but sorely lacked any real community aspect.
Plus: 7 Creative, Thoughtful Last-Minute Gifts (So You Can Skip the Drugstore Gift Card)
Well, it seems like the perfect (reverse) storm has finally come to (potentially) revive Flickr:
On December 9, Instagram disabled photo integration with Twitter, meaning