Writing about sex?By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe
A new type of personal essay has emerged on blogs lately, have you noticed? It involves young, female bloggers describing their sexual encounters in graphic detail, with nearly absurd levels of emotional detachment. Cat Marnell did it for Vice. Lenina Lilic did it for Gawker, in an essay that, while not poorly written, certainly doesn't fall under the category of "daily news media and gossip." XOJane seems to have practically made it a subcategory. Describing weird sex with someone you have no affinity for is becoming a literary device.
The leitmotif of these essays is clear: look how self-aware we are of the fact that having casual sexual encounters doesn't make us feel sexy, doesn't make us feel loved, doesn't make us feel less alone. And yet we continue to do it, in an act of sexual nihilism that seems to fly in the face of our mothers' hard-fought sexual liberation. ("Sure, we can have sex whenever now. Who cares? It's meaningless.")
Blog Posts by HowAboutWe
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, Feb 14, 2013 2:51 PM EST
Writing about sex?By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWeRead More »from When Did Writing About Detached Sex Become a Thing?
Valentine's DayBy Melissa Wall for HowAboutWeRead More »from The One Word that Can Derail Your Valentine’s Day
Valentine's Day! Two words that evoke a tsunami of reactions, ranging from frothing hatred to fervent anticipation. Whether you cannot WAIT for Feb. 14th to shower you with velvety layers of pink goodness, or whether you find it more odious than a Kardashian mid-pregnancy sex tape, there is one inescapable truth about this controversial day: It is coming, and there is no way to stop it.
Given this fact, there is really only one path forward: we may as well enjoy the hell out of Valentine's Day, in whatever way we find most appealing. Perhaps that involves a solo last-minute trip to Aruba. Perhaps it means plunging yourself into a vat of dark chocolate. For many people planning to celebrate with a significant other (yours truly included), the day involves a good amount of stress and planning-planning what to do, planning where to go, planning how to fit said plans into your week, and then stressing about whether you're doing enough for your partner, or
Trojan Safe Rides TaxiBy Melissa Wall for HowAboutWeRead More »from Things to Do on V-Day: Hail a Condom Cab
Did you know that, according to Nielsen data, condoms sell better the week of Valentine's Day than any other week of the year? Trojan certainly does, which is likely why they've dubbed February National Condom Month.
Whether or not you're contributing to this mid-winter sex surplus, you can still benefit from it if you live in New York City. On Valentine's Day, three "Trojan Safe Rides" taxis will be roaming downtown Manhattan, offering free rides to anyone who's lucky enough to hail them (they will make you take a quiz about sexual health, but that's never a bad topic to learn more about). The cabs will be operating from 7 p.m. to 2 a.m., and they'll be sticking primarily to Greenwich Village and the NYU main campus (so no free rides to Harlem, alas). If safe driving is your worry, fear not: a Trojan rep will administer the sex ed quizzes, so cab drivers won't be distracted (or at least, any more distracted than usual).
Plus: Don't Panic! We Have the
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Fri, Feb 8, 2013 11:33 AM EST
Brian Donovan, Author of
Brian Donovan doesn't do things halfway. When the comedian and writer, who has written for the likes of Vh1, Thought Catalog, Comedy Central and NPR, found himself single and unhappy about it, he went looking for his next love story with a vengeance. Over 100 online dates later, he emerged with enough material (and emotional baggage) to write a book. Thus was bornNot A Match: My True Tales of Online Dating Disasters, which is currently #1 in the Love & Romance section of the Kindle Store.
Given that we have a certain pointed interest in online dating, we reached out to Brian to get the story behind the story.
For this book you went on many, many dates and had many, many bad experiences. What kept you going, made you leave the house on that 85th date? Was it the book? Was it habit? An unshakeable desire to meet your soulmate? None of the above?
I know this is the sort of preposterous thing that Tom Hanks would say to Meg Ryan in a movie and make everyone throw up inRead More »from The Man Who Patents His Breakups: Brian Donovan, Author of ‘Not a Match’
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Fri, Feb 8, 2013 11:28 AM EST
Be a Valentine's superhero.
By Ben Pomeroy for HowAboutWe
So you've got a date for Valentine's Day. Lucky you! Now what? There's a truckload of pressure to nail this holiday, especially with someone new. The evening needs to be romantic, memorable, original, authentic-I could go on, but I'm starting to give myself a panic attack.
Let's face it, Valentine's day can be a minefield. Everything from the cheesy bouquets to the reservation scrum to the underwhelming prix fix meal. Don't get me wrong-you should do the work to honor the woman you love. But it's easy to fall into the trap of societal expectations, and wind up spending a lot of time and money to have someone else's idea of a romantic night.
Fear not-that won't be your situation this year. The best table in town on Valentine's Day will be at your apartment. It'll be memorable, unique, authentic, etc. plus no fighting for a parking space, battling the cold, dealing with slow service, or shelling out a fortune. I promise.Read More »from The Most Romantic Thing a Guy Can Do This Valentine’s Day
Plus: The Best Way
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 5, 2013 12:56 PM EST
Happy hourBy Anna David for HowAboutWe
"So you don't drink at all?" Jeff, my formerly-winsome date, was suddenly eyeing me with skepticism. We were on a blind date set up by a mutual friend, so I had no clue what he'd heard about me-specifically, about my addiction and subsequent sobriety. In that moment, as he gulped his glass of merlot, I felt adolescent as I sipped my cranberry and soda through a straw.
The right moment to tell a date that you don't drink is tough to pinpoint, I've discovered. Right after the waiter asks for your order isn't a bad option. Or even when your suitor is scanning the wine list and asking if you'd prefer red or white.
Plus: 10 Questions That Will Save You from Marrying the Wrong Person
"I don't drink," I'll say, always trying to make the three words sound as casual as humanly possible. Sometimes this confession will be followed by no acknowledgment at all, or a simple nod. Of course, then there are times when you see an alarmed look pass over his face.Read More »from Nice to Meet You, No I Don’t Want a Drink: Dating After Sobriety
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 5, 2013 12:51 PM EST
The Runaway BrideBy Yelena Shuster for HowAboutWe
Valentine's Day is fast approaching. That sentence means something unique to nearly everyone who reads it. But according to the stats, for many a couple it means the approach of an engagement-or, at least, a potential engagement.
Whether or not to say yes when someone asks you to marry them-or, once you do say yes, whether or not to make good on your promise-keeps many an anxious bride (or groom) up at night. Last week, the New York Times tried to tackle the issue in a Well column about cold feet. The usually rigorous column often debunks studies to get at a larger culture truth, but this one turned out to be a big tease. According to the Times:
"'Virtually every big, real-life decision requires the decision-maker to resolve 10 fundamental questions, or what I call cardinal issues,' said J. Frank Yates, a professor of marketing and psychology at the University of Michigan's business school. People only feel real confidence, he said,Read More »from 10 Questions that Will Save You from Marrying the Wrong Person
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 5, 2013 12:45 PM EST
Go skydiving as a couple.By Anya Kamenetz for HowAboutWe
I once dated an incorrigible ladies' man who liked to bring me to high places: the steep hillsides of Berkeley, CA overlooking the port at sunset; the ledge of a billboard on the roof of an abandoned building in Williamsburg, Brooklyn; even the very top of Tree Nine, a legendary 120-foot redwood on the campus of UC Santa Cruz. Whether he knew it or not, these vertigo-inducing excursions were neuroscientifically designed to get me (and keep me) interested in him.
As we took in the views, my pulse was racing from the climb, I was breathing fast, and I was seeing everything around me, literally, from a new perspective. As it turns out, everything I was encountering-surprise, variety, novelty, and a hint of danger-bathes the brain in neurotransmitters called dopamine and norepinephrine, which are associated respectively with pleasure, pain and emotional response, and with alertness and arousal. Dopamine is the same chemical that's affected by drugs likeRead More »from The Science of Surprise: How Doing the Unexpected Keeps You in Love
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Thu, Jan 31, 2013 12:53 PM EST
Tina Fey as Liz Lemonby Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe
Every once in a while, television is blessed with a wise-cracking heroine who proves that a funny, smart character can carry a TV show just as easily as a charming ingenue. There was Murphy Brown, Roseanne Barr, and, for the past seven years, there's been Liz Lemon.
Liz Lemon is the stereotype of the educated, feminist, city-dwelling single woman. She's successful, funny, at ease in a male-dominated work environment, sarcastic, and more concerned with her job than her closet. She can be a little sloppy, a little mean, a little prudish, and a little too happy with the prospect of going home at the end of the night with an extra-large pizza. Which she can and will shotgun!
Plus: Hilarious Tips for Single Women from 1938
But where Liz Lemon rings truest is in her romantic life. It wasn't always pretty. It was fraught with disappointments, mistakes, the occasional insanely hot guy, the more occasional freak. In other words, the series was dominatedRead More »from Farewell, 30 Rock! 10 Things We Learned About Love from Liz Lemon
By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe
I wasn't unpopular in high school. Not that I was the prom queen, but I had friends, a boyfriend, and a reliable seat in the cafeteria.
In the cafeteria, though. Which is somewhat telling, because, as anyone who went to my high school would know, the cool kids, the ones who were truly high on the totem poll, would eat lunch in the quad.
Not that I had a complex about this. I was reasonably happy in high school, and well-adjusted. But a few months ago, when a former quad-dining footballer contacted me on Facebook after reading an article I had written, my pulse quickened, and my tone reverted to the goofy self-deprecation of an insecure teenager. ("Lol, no, that article sucked, what?? I mean, thanks…") Because, though I am now an adult, with a job and a lease and a 401k, the fact remains: he is a GUY who once ate his chicken crispitos in the quad.
Plus: 26 Things We Do When We're Secretly In Love With You
It's frustrating that soRead More »from Your High-School Self is Running Your Dating Life