Where have all the flowers gone?By Amit Wehle for HowAboutWe
The folk classic "Where Have all Flowers Gone" is often credited to Joan Baez, but it was actually written by Pete Seeger back in 1955. Which makes perfect sense, since Mr. Seeger would have been exactly 36 years old at the time, meaning he would have been inspired to write a song about his shrinking libido (which is clearly what the hit classic is really about).
Plus: Why Friendships Are the New Marriage
The song resonates with me because like Pete Seeger back in '55, I'm now 36, and can attest to Father Time's ax systematically chopping down on my erections over the last few years. The realization of this diminished sex drive sort of snuck up on me. Like most of aging's "tricks," it has been a gradual thing.
Plus: What Men Really Think When They're Watching Porn
You see, nobody suddenly wakes up bald. No one jumps out of bed with a gut, or looks in the mirror one day to find copious back hair plus a complete inability to recognize any artist on the
Blog Posts by HowAboutWe
Where have all the flowers gone?By Amit Wehle for HowAboutWeRead More »from Losing My Libido: One Man’s Story
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Apr 9, 2013 1:01 PM EDT
Bromances are actually incredibly important.By Ryan Dodge for HowAboutWe
"Look, I know this is gonna sound weird, but I love you guys!"
That's the closest my friends and I get to expressing in words how much we mean to each other. It's usually shouted into the middle of a beery group hug, over the din of a wedding band or a crowded bar, and it always does sound a little weird. But it also feels good, more than any of us would like to admit.
There are two crucial facts women should understand about fraternal love. First, it is based on competition. Andrew O'Hagan made this point beautifully in a recent essay for The New York Times Style Magazine: "We compare ourselves with other men, and we get bigger or smaller in our eyes depending on how well we can compete."
For O'Hagan and his worldly chums, these competitions come in the form of arguments about "the writing of EvelynRead More »from Male Friendship: Why You Can’t Change it (And Shouldn’t Want To)
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Apr 9, 2013 12:56 PM EDT
What are you really saying?By Ryan Dodge for HowAboutWe
It starts as soon as my girlfriend and I are out of earshot, the inevitable epilogue to every double date. It doesn't matter who speaks first; we both know the entire script by heart.
Plus: Are You in a Relationship Rut? You may be suffering from FOBU
"That was fun," one of us says.
"Yeah," the other replies.
"They seem good."
"I'm worried about them."
We then quickly delve into specifics about the close friends we just hugged goodbye-the way she glared at him when he tipsily knocked over his wine glass or, if things seemed good, the way he gazed at her like she was a cross between the homecoming queen and Mother Theresa. If they seemed particularly dysfunctional, we can easily spend ten minutes analyzing their tone of voice and duration of eye contact with a degree of scrutiny that wouldn't look out of a place in a CIA interrogation dossier.
Why am I so eagerRead More »from What We’re Really Doing when We Gossip About Other Couples
- By Alison Vingiano for HowAboutWe
I'm worried about you. A recently released preview of your MTV Reality Show Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life shows you fellating a cannoli at a restaurant. I want you to know that's not a thing people do. It's not even a crazy reality show thing, like screaming at another woman because she waved at your boyfriend. We give a name to horrible sex acts like beastiality or necrophilia, but I don't think there's even a name for fellating a cannoli. That's how often people don't do that. Did the cannoli even consent?
In this video, your boyfriend tells you to "babybird" the cannoli into somebody else's mouth. Does he make you do things you don't want to do, Ke$ha? You can tell me. I have a broken futon in my living room that you're welcome to crash on if you need to figure some things out.
I've done some research and I have to be honest: you have terrible ideas about dating. Let's take a closer look at some of these:
Read More »from 8 Reasons Ke$ha Should Never Give Dating Advice
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Apr 2, 2013 3:31 PM EDT
Go out and make your own fate.By Terri Trespicio for HowAboutWe
I understand why people love the concept of "Fate." It feels good to think someone's been earmarked for you, and that unseen forces are, even now, guiding you two hopeless romantics toward each other. It's an appealing, plot-worthy idea. Unfortunately, that's bunk - and worse, it's bunk that puts you in the weakest position of all. Because by believing this theory, you willingly renounce freedom, choice, and most importantly, action. You'll sit back and figure Fate will find you. Wrong.
It's not entirely your fault - after all, you, like me and nearly everyone else on the planet, were raised on fairy tales that fool you into thinking this is how the world works: if you're a good girl or boy, "deserving" of true love, and you put your intention "out there," then the right person will pick up on your lovelorn sonar. (Thanks, The Secret, for giving wistful thinking aRead More »from Why You Should Forget Fate If You Want to Find Love
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Apr 2, 2013 3:29 PM EDT
Don't get digitally ditched.By Chiara Atik for HowAboutWe
Dating is all about giving people a chance, peering past superficialities such as appearance or mannerisms or quirks in order to see the person underneath. Because superficialities don't matter - compatibility and chemistry do.
Unfortunately, the early stages of dating are rife with land mines in terms of turn-offs and pet peeves. When you barely know someone, and you've only got a few emails or texts to go off of, it's hard to not judge a guy on his ill-advised use of font.Plus: Are You in a Relationship Rut? You may be suffering from FOBU
The following is a list of pet peeves that, while not break-up worthy necessarily, certainly don't do a lot for a guy upfront.
Sexist? Yes. Small-minded? Certainly.
But also…sort of true!
I recently tried to set up one of my guy friends with one of my girl friends. I'd talked him up to her, and she seemed totally game to meet him, so I did an email intro. ["Jack, meet Jane.Read More »from Digital Turnoffs: 5 Ways to Blow it Over Email or Text
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Tue, Apr 2, 2013 2:02 PM EDT
Is three always company?By Jo Piazza for HowAboutWe
Ask any woman to describe the three most important things in a relationship, and monogamy will typically round out the list.
Maintaining monogamy with a single partner can be incredibly important, but it can also be tricky. The deck is stacked against those looking to be with one person for the rest of their lives, both from a biological and an evolutionary perspective. Plus, well, there's the simple fact that so many people fail at it.
If you're feeling hopeless about your prospects for monogamy, it's reassuring to remember that there are plenty of people in healthy and happy relationships that aren't monogamous.
The very concept of polyamory - engaging in open relationships in which a person can be involved with more than one partner - can seem terrifying to the lifelong monogamist (which most of us are). I met my first open couple about a year ago and it made meRead More »from What Open Relationships Can Teach Us About Fidelity
- HowAboutWe | Love + Sex – Wed, Mar 27, 2013 5:31 PM EDT
By Lilit Marcus for HowAboutWe
Read More »from 15 Celebrities We Wish Would Come Out in Support of Gay Marriage
This week, the Supreme Court is wrapping up arguments related to Proposition 8, the gay marriage law that got shut down in California. If they deem it unconstitutional, marriage equality for the U.S. will be basically a given (and then the wonderful weddings can commence!). Since we're still waiting to hear the Court's decision, it couldn't hurt if a few famous faces lent their voices to the supportive crowd in the meantime. Might we suggest a few?
Planning an escape is some women's go-to for a successful relationship. Should it be yours?I think it's because I leased a car this week, for just a little more than writer Julia Anne Miller revealed she spends on her "Single Girl's Starter Kit," that I was inspired to run a relationship cost benefit analysis.Read More »from Will an Exit Strategy Doom Your Relationship?
See, I need the new car for work, but having the car for a future of day and weekend trips this summer with my boyfriend also delighted me. Spending just over $2,000 for the year would provide great positive utility for my relationship.
Plus: Is Lying to Your Spouse a Good Thing?
The point of Miller's Modern Love column in the New York Times was that, despite living with her boyfriend of many years, she spends $2,268 a month on a storage space that holds one single girl's bed, one set of flannel sheets, one pillow, her grandmother's afghan, one each of various kitchen utensils, one tool kit, one ladder and one box of love letters from past admirers, all the things she believes she will need in case her relationship (7 years!) goes awry.
My circle of friends, all
Is monogamy in gay couples unheard of?By Melanie Berliet for HowAboutWeRead More »from Are Married Gay Couples Staying Monogamous?
As I stood in my underwear and a headpiece made from stockings, "Betty," a six-foot drag queen with a red bob that matched her thigh-high boots, spent two hours grooming me into the sparkliest Cleopatra-clone possible. And then I got up on stage at Lucky Cheng's cabaret in New York City, and officiated the marriage of Eduardo Chan and Israel Hornedo.
Chan and Hornedo had contacted me the month prior after reading a story I'd written about wanting to oversee same-sex marriages once they were legal in New York. As soon as I agreed to marry them, the couple began planning their big day.
Plus: Is Lying to Your Spouse a Good Thing?
The event was laced with standard wedding components: emotional toasts, embarrassing stories told by tipsy friends, cake-cutting and first dances. But there were also penis-shaped balloons, transvestite servers and outrageously dirty jokes.
After the last tequila shots had been downed, I wondered whether Chan and Hornedo's