As happily wedded as you might be, there are a few years in there that are guaranteed to suck. REDBOOK columnist Aaron Traister explains when and why the most common marriage problems arise.
My wife, Karel, and I are going through a phase of life when many of our friends and acquaintances are getting divorced. I love Karel, but I will admit that there have been years where we've nearly fallen off that rocky cliff, times when, if we hadn't kept communicating, remaining patient, and bonding over our deep mutual love for General Hospital, we might not have come through. For most guys, it's not the actual challenges life throws at you--it's learning how to deal with them. We just aren't encouraged to explore issues, like you ladies are, from an early age. For instance, my wrestling coach never suggested that I "cry it out" when things weren't working well with my sparring partner. It's been hugely eye-opening to learn that you can't muscle your way through hurt feelings. Based on my
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As happily wedded as you might be, there are a few years in there that are guaranteed to suck. REDBOOK columnist Aaron Traister explains when and why the most common marriage problems arise.Read More »from The Few Years of Marriage that Will Suck
Can't help but wonder if your union is keeping up with the Joneses'? Check out these marriage stats from The Normal Bar: The Surprising Secrets of Happy Couples and What They Reveal About Creating a New Normal in Your Relationship. By Gena Kaufman, REDBOOK.Read More »from The Thing 96% of Married Men Crave
Is it normal that…I'm not completely honest with him?
Within limits, a few secrets - and even lies - between couples are generally harmless. If you've ever fibbed about those shoes being new ("I've had these forever, I just don't wear them often!") or neglected to tell him that your mom thinks he's a total slob, you're not alone. In America, 43 percent of men and one-third of women have kept major secrets from their partners and approximately three-quarters of people have lied - including those who consider themselves part of a happy couple. As long as you don't take it to extremes - like failing to reveal credit card debt or the fact that you have a monthly lunch-date with your ex - lies that keep the peace and protect
- Makeup artist Mally Roncal (who does the faces of Beyoncé and Jennifer Lopez) designed this basic routine you can build on to save precious morning time. By Kayleigh Donahue, REDBOOK.
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Date-Night Dresses Under $100
- Redbook | Love + Sex – Tue, Feb 19, 2013 10:11 AM EST
Amazing advice from real married couples and people who have seen, studied, and lived really good love. By Brittany Burke and Melissa Walker, REDBOOK.Read More »from The 10 Best Things You Can Do for Your Relationship
Don't try to change what you fell for
"Remember that every trait you love about your mate has a corresponding not-so-lovable flip side. So if you adore them for thinking outside of the box, don't beat them over the head for not fitting in with the Joneses. Embrace what's unique. That's worth more than all the Joneses in the world." --Kerry Ehrin, writer and producer for NBC's Parenthood and Friday Night Lights
Cut the apron strings, already
"After 30 years of helping couples buy and sell real estate, I've learned that how involved the in-laws are is a good predictor of happiness. If either spouse listens to their parents' opinion instead of their partner's, I know I'll get that house back as a new listing soon, when the divorce is final." --Barbara Corcoran, real estate mogul
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Skipping family dinner and talking about money in front of your kids are nothing to feel guilty about, says Bruce Feiler, author of The Secrets of Happy Families. Let's move on from these supposed mommy-musts. By Ava Feuer, REDBOOK.Read More »from Go Ahead, Give Up These 8 Parenting Obligations
Parents should devise punishments
You're the adult, and you're in-charge, but that doesn't mean that families should be dictatorships. "There's abundant research that shows nothing is run top-down anymore - not companies, not sport teams, nothing," says Feiler. When children pick their own rewards and punishments, they learn to take ownership over their actions, which is ultimately what you, the parent, want. Feiler's family holds a weekly meeting at which they vote on a few things to work on during the week ahead. Recently, they decided that everyone should get a reward for not yelling - more minutes of iPad time - and a punishment for not listening - less iPad time. "Our kids are actually stricter than we are, and that's a common thing," he says. "We're
By Kayleigh Donahue, REDBOOK.Read More »from 3 Ways to Make Your Hair Color Last
1. Shampoo before you dye. The old idea that it's best to color your hair when it's dirty? Not true. Whether you're hitting the salon or coloring at home, "dye will absorb best when hair is freshly washed, so there are no oils or product buildup standing in its way," says colorist Rita Hazan, who works with Jessica Simpson.
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2. Wash less often--but with the right stuff. Every time water seeps out of your strands' cuticles, it takes dye molecules with it, resulting in dulled-down color. Now, shampoos and conditioners for color-treated hair are targeting this very problem--like the new formulations of John Frieda Sheer Blonde, Brilliant Brunette, and Radiant Red color-protecting shampoos and conditioners ($6.50 each). The shampoos help trap water molecules before they can do any damage, while the conditioners contain a special silicone that locks dye in and water out.
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Since we have neither the time nor money to visit a spa every week, we rounded up the next best thing: insiders' secrets to capturing that special glow at home. By Holly Corbett, REDBOOK.Read More »from The Anti-Aging Tricks Only Spa Experts Know
Make your own kitchen-cabinet exfoliant
Skin-cell turnover slows as you age, potentially causing your face to look dry or washed out. Combat that by mixing up this easy, at-home exfoliating cleanser twice a week: Combine 1 tablespoon superfine sugar (to help slough off dead skin cells), 1 tablespoon pure olive oil (to moisturize), and 1 tablespoon honey (this cleansing ingredient has anti-microbial properties to kill pimple-causing bacteria), says Ann Taylor, an aesthetician at the Spa at Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, NY. "Apply with gentle, circular motions for two to three minutes, rinse with warm water, and follow with your favorite hydrating cream," says Taylor.
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Supplement with D3
Many people who are low in this vitamin, a shortage of which
13 million American children will be bullied this year. We all want to stop it, and these women prove that we can. By Alison Storm, REDBOOK.Read More »from Let's Create a Bully-Free World
Bullies will only do what bystanders allow: Houston mom Trish Morille saw this firsthand when her daughter was in elementary school. "We ran into some of her classmates at a park," Trish, now 50, recalls. "One girl called my daughter mean names. The others started piling on insults. The adults looked away: No one said anything! We left the park--and the bullying eventually ended--but I wish I'd known the best way to help my child." Ten years later, in March 2010, when harassment drove a local second-grader to jump off a school balcony, Trish and her friend Sarah Fisher sprung to action. "It was our wake-up call," says Sarah, 48. The two moms created +Works (which stands for Positive Works, positivethinkingworks.org), a nonprofit that runs an anti-bullying program in schools. Kids and adults learn that bullying is more than the mean kid on the
Telling Vogue that your 1-year-old is your best friend, as Beyonce just did, is definitely the diva version of wearing half of one of those "Best Friends" necklaces. (Celebs: Not really like us.).Read More »from Beyonce and Blue Ivy: BFFs?
I'm going to assume, given Blue Ivy's status as, you know, a baby, that Beyonce means she loves that kid, that there's no one else she'd rather see at the end of the day, that this little girl, above all other people, makes her mom smile. (Hey wait! Celebs: They are like us.) She doesn't mean that Blue Ivy is the person who she turns to for advice, who she cries to when she's upset (mean lip-synch haters), or who she goes out with after a great day at work (see: the Superbowl). Right? Because I'm sure Blue Ivy is amazing, but I'm not sure I'd trust a toddler's opinion on eyeliner.
Related: 50 Ways to Stay Bonded with Your Kids
Someday, though, like when Blue Ivy can actually talk, Beyonce might rely on her daughter for any or all of those things. And if that happens when this little girl is
Your former husband doesn't have to be your best pal, but thanks to a shared history and intertwined future as parents, it's worth working to replace screaming matches with civility. By Holly Corbett, REDBOOK.Read More »from How to Be Friends with Your Ex
Acknowledge your pain
In order to move on, you have to let yourself feel the loss and grief of divorce. "Befriending your ex is a process and a relationship that takes time and effort," says Judith Ruskay Rabinor, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of, Befriending Your Ex After Divorce. "It's about starting over and making a conscious, effort to let go of past hurts, wounds, and beliefs." In addition to talking things out with a therapist or loved one, Dr. Rabinor recommends listing in a journal the many losses you're facing. (Think: loss of financial support, loss of a partner to lean on, loss of your ex's extended family). Naming your losses helps you process the pain by understanding all of its parts more clearly, says Dr. Rabinor.
Try some anger management