Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

Richard AvedonA feeling of energy is a key to feeling happy. Studies show that when you feel energetic, you feel much better about yourself. On the other hand, when you feel exhausted, tasks that would ordinarily make you happy-like putting up holiday decorations, getting ready to go to a party, or planning a trip-make you feel overwhelmed and blue.

When my energy feels at a low ebb, I try one of these techniques (well, first I drink something with caffeine in it, but if I feel like I need to take further steps, I try these strategies):

1. Exercise-even a quick ten-minute walk will increase your energy and boost your mood. This really works! Try it! People often say they're too tired to exercise, but in fact, unless you're exercising at a very intense level, exercise tends to boost energy rather than deplete it.

2. Listen to lively music. This is one of the quickest, easiest ways to get a jolt of energy.

3. Get enough sleep. If the alarm blasts you awake every morning, you're not

Class-RoomOne of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm. Clutter seems like a trivial matter, but I always find that I feel more serene and cheerful if my apartment and office aren't too messy.

Along those lines, I've learned from my happiness project to be wary whenever I have the urge to "treat" myself, because often my treats don't make me happy in the long run. For instance, one of my "treats" is to let piles of papers, clothes, books, and dishes pile up-which ends up making me feel less happy.

In fact, when I want to calm myself, or cheer myself up, I often take an hour and clean my office. For instance, this morning. My office had become a wreck, because I wasn't taking the time to put anything away. I kept putting off little tasks, thinking, "It's more important to answer my emails," "I need to get this little piece written first," "I need a break, I don't want to deal with this now," but finally, I got down to it.

I set aside an hour and

caravaggio28Even though I don't like to cook, and I'm no foodie, I nevertheless enjoy the food writing of M.F.K. Fisher. Several of her classic books are collected in The Art of Eating, which includes the essay "From A to Z: The Perfect Dinner," from An Alphabet for Gourmets.

In it, Fisher outlines three combinations of people that can reach "gastronomical perfection"-but note, for clarity (and humorous effect), I've put them in the form of a numbered list, which is not her style.

Fisher writes that the perfect dinner can be attained with…

1. "one person dining alone, usually upon a couch or a hill side;

2. two persons, of no matter what sex or age, dining in a good restaurant;

3. six person of no matter what sex or age, dining in a good home…a good combination would be one married couple, for warm composure; one less firmly established, to add a note of interrogation to the talk; and two strangers of either sex, upon whom the better acquainted could sharpen their

200118107-001Over the holiday weekend, I managed to do a lot of reading-which made me very happy.

Among other things, I read Past Imperfect, a novel by Julian Fellowes (a man of many accomplishments, such as winning an Academy Award for best original screenplay for the brilliant movie Gosford Park).

The novel's narrator made an observation that has stuck with me.

"Years later, a friend would describe her world as being peopled entirely by radiator and drains. If so, then Damian was King Radiator. He warmed the company he was in."

More and more, it seems to me that energy is an enormously helpful clue as to whether a person, activity, or place is a happiness-booster, or not. I find it's useful to ask: "Does this person make me feel energized?" or "Does this activity, though intimidating and frustrating, make me feel more energetic in the long run?"

Perhaps counter-intuitively, in my experience, some people who are quite low-energy nevertheless act as radiators-because

foer

Happiness interview: Joshua Foer.

I became intrigued with Josh Foer's bestselling book, Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of Remembering Everything, because it's a kind of "memory project." As a consequence of researching memory, Josh started doing memory training and ended up competing in the finals of the U.S. Memory Championship.

Memory is extraordinarily important to happiness, and I was very interested to read a book about the science and history of the "art of memory," and to ask Josh about his views on happiness.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Josh: Riding my bike. It doesn't matter where I'm going. Just so long as I'm pedaling.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?

I keep the Jewish Sabbath, which is not something I did when I was 18. For 25 hours each week, everything gets turned off. No email. No phone. I don't make anything. I don't

frayed ropeA few days ago, I posted about a phenomenon I describe as "oppositional conversational style" (OCS for short), and I've been flabbergasted by the heated response.

I thought I'd identified some obscure, rare pattern of human interaction, but it turns out that lots of people had already identified this kind of interaction.

A person with "oppositional conversational style" is a person who, in conversation, disagrees with and corrects whatever you say. Maybe in a friendly way, maybe in a belligerent way, but their remarks are framed in opposition to whatever you say.

I was fascinated to read people's comments. I learned several things.

First, people recognize this pattern easily. OCS, it turns out, is a widespread phenomenon.

Second, people find it tiresome to be on the receiving end of OCS. To be repeatedly told "I'm right; you're wrong," in every context, gets annoying.

Third, at least some people who practice OCS recognize it in themselves, and they think

Each week, I post a video about some Pigeon of Discontent raised by a reader. Because, as much as we try to find the Bluebird of Happiness, we're also plagued by those small but pesky Pigeons of Discontent.

This week's Pigeon of Discontent, suggested by a reader, is: "Cell phones make me crazy."

Click HERE to watch the video.

I thought of a line from Montaigne that's even more apt for this Pigeon of Discontent than the quotation included in the video: "There is really no greater or more persistent folly…than to be excited and annoyed by the fatuities of the world." I think people's cell phone conversations fall into this category.

If you want to read more about this resolution, check out…

9 tips for dealing with difficult relatives over the holidays.

Find a way to unplug from technology, or, how to escape the cubicle in your pocket.

How about you? Are you very annoyed by people speaking on their cell phones (or something similar)? How do you convince

stairslongflightHow many times each day do you try to work yourself up to tackle some undesirable task? If you're like me-several.

For example, right now I'm trying to figure out how to put podcasts on my site again. I did it for a long time, but after my blog re-design, my system stopped working. I have to figure out what the problem is. Here are some strategies that I'm planning to use:

1. Put myself in jail. If you're working on something that's going to take a long time, and you have the urge to try to rush, or to feel impatient, pretend you're in jail. If you're in jail, you have all the time in the world. You have no reason to hurry, no reason to cut corners or to try to do too many things at once. You can slow down, concentrate.

2. Ask for help. This is one of my most useful Secrets of Adulthood. Why is this so hard? I have no idea. But whenever I ask for help, I'm amazed at how much it…helps.

3. Remember: most decisions don't require extensive research. This is another