Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

I've been reading the strange, brilliant, fascinating book, A Pattern Language: Towns, Building Construction. It uses architecture, sociology, psychology, and anthropology to describe the most satisfying architectural environments.

Of course, I know nothing about this subject, so anyone who knows this field, or the history of this book, may consider my enthusiasm naïve and uninformed. But I don't care. What the authors describe resonates with me completely. I crave the Sitting Wall, the Front Door Bench, the Child Caves, the Sequence of Sitting Spaces, the Sleeping to the East!

The authors also discuss commercial spaces and offices. Are you being driven mad at work by misplaced walls or the wrong kinds of noise? Take this quiz to see how your office measures up.

According to A Pattern Language: Towns, Building Construction, you'll be comfortable in your workspace when:

 there's a wall behind you (so no one can sneak up behind you).
 there's a wall to one side

Read More »from A quiz--is your workspace driving you crazy?

Don't drink any calories. None.

That means:
- no alcohol
- no orange juice
- no Gatorade
- no Starbucks Frappuccino
- no POM Wonderful juice
- no VitaminWater
- no milk in your tea or coffee
- no Jamba Juice smoothie
- no Red Bull
- no non-diet soft drink
- no chai
- no hot chocolate

I can't have breakfast without my grapefruit juice!
Yes, you can.

I can't exercise without an energy drink!
Yes, you can.

I can't have dinner without a civilized glass of wine!
Yes, you can.

I need anti-oxidants!
Drink black coffee. It's packed with antioxidants.

I need to drink something when I exercise, or I'll develop an electrolyte imbalance!
If you're exercising hard enough to worry about electrolyte imbalances, it's unlikely you need to worry about calories.

I need a healthy afternoon pick-me-up!
Eat a snack instead of drinking a smoothie. You're unlikely to eat enough to hit the

Read More »from A simple, radical way to cut out a huge number of calories

Now I have a new appreciation for my good fortune in not having had much experience with hospitals-so far. As I was reading these memoirs--mostly about cancer--I made note of the bits of advice I read on how to cope with a serious illness. It seems a bit offensive, or at least overly simplistic, to sum up these profound experiences in a tips list, but the writers themselves seemed eager to try to help others learn from what they went through. So here goes:

 For long periods of suffering, take it day by day. Don't anticipate.
 Being gregarious and upbeat wins you more attention from the staff. This isn't fair, but it's true.
 A lot of living goes on in the course of dying. Don't postpone things-like seeing friends-until you're "doing better." You may never do better.
 If a friend is sick, show your concern. Don't assume he or she will know, or will ask for your help. Caring silently from a distance looks like denial, or lack of concern, to the ill person.

Read More »from Tips from memoirs about illness.

In marriage, or any partnership, chores are a huge source of conflict. How do you get your sweetheart to hold up his or her end, without nagging?

 It's annoying to hear a hectoring voice, so suggest tasks without words. When the Big Man needs a prescription filled, he puts his empty medicine bottle on the bathroom counter. Then I know to get it re-filled.

 If you need to voice a reminder, limit yourself to one word. Instead of barking out, "Now remember, I've told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk, if you forget, you're going right back out!" Instead, call out, "Grocery store!" or "Milk!"

 Don't insist that a task be done on your schedule. "You've got to trim those hedges today!" Says who? Try, "When are you planning to trim the hedges?" If possible, show why something needs to be done by a certain time. "Will you be able to trim the hedges before our party next week?"

 Remind your partner that it's better to decline a task than to

Read More »from Tips for getting your sweetheart to do chores—without nagging.

Most people understand that it's a pain to be disorganized. Disorganized people spend a lot of time hunting for their keys; they have to order a replacement birth certificate; they know they must have a dozen hammers, because it's always been easier to buy a new one than to locate one in the house.

Often, however, people don't realize how disorganized they are. Are you? Take this quiz.

At a minimum, you should know exactly where to find these possessions (assuming, of course, you own them-and you should):

 stamps
 your passport and if you're married, your spouse's passport
 a corkscrew
 Bandaids
 a safety pin
 a flashlight
 a functioning alarm clock
 paperclips or a stapler
 your phone charger
 a spare set of keys
 your doctor's phone number
 cinnamon
 your tax statements from 2003
 fabric stain remover
 a pair of mittens
 spare AA batteries
Congratulate yourself for being Read More »from A quiz: Are you organized or disorganized?

Paradoxically, studies show that over time, people who diet tend to gain more weight than people who don't diet. Here are some non-dieting tips for eating better that have worked for me:

1. To have a tastier salad without adding calories-yes, this sounds crazy, but it really improves the flavor-sprinkle a packet of Equal or any artificial sweetener on it. Don't laugh, try it!

2. Never eat anything at a children's birthday party. If you have kids, this rule is crucial.

3. Eat smaller portions. At a restaurant, order an appetizer for your entree, ask for an appetizer portion, or leave 25% of each serving on your plate. Studies show that while cutting fat, eating more fruits and vegetables, and increasing exercise all help people lose weight, the single most effective change is to trim portion size.

4. Never eat hors d'oeuvres. When I see that tray of crab cakes passing by, I remind myself that I'm likely to get something stuck in my teeth, spray crumbs at people while

Read More »from Tips...to eat better

Making polite conversation can be tough.

"So where do you live?"
"Chelsea."
"Really. I live on the upper east side."
"Great…"
Painful silence.
If, like me, out of shyness or boredom, you sometimes find yourself making several trips to the bathroom during a cocktail party, or desperately wishing that dessert were already cleared away, or searching your mind for anything to say while you're stuck in a situation with a stranger, here are some strategies to try:
Comment on a topic common to both of you: the food, the room, the occasion, the weather.

Ask open questions that can't be answered with a single word, and after the person answers, don't answer the same question about yourself, but follow up on what he or she has said.

Fine, you say, but what are some examples of open questions? Try these:

"What's keeping you busy these days?" This is a good question if you're talking to a person who doesn't have an office job. It's Read More »from Tips...for making conversation.

Exercise helps make you happy. People who exercise are healthier, more energetic, think more clearly, sleep better, and have delayed onset of dementia. They also get relief from anxiety and mild depression, comparable to medication and therapy.

But even when you acknowledge the tremendous benefits, if you're not already exercising regularly, it can be hard to adopt the habit. I managed to change myself from a natural sloth to an enthusiastic exerciser by using all these tricks:

Always exercise on Monday. This sets the psychological pattern for the week.

Never skip exercising for two days in a row. You can skip a day, but the next day, you must exercise no matter how inconvenient.

DON'T link exercise to weight loss as a way to motivate yourself. Although it's quite true that people who exercise regularly are far more likely to keep weight off, you'll find yourself justifying missing your run by turning down two Saltines. And if you don't lose weight easily (who does?),

Read More »from Tips...to stick to a schedule of regular exercise