Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

My friend Michael Melcher, a career coach who used to practice law, wrote an excellent (and quite funny) book called The Creative Lawyer; he also has a terrific blog. It's aimed at helping lawyers find more job satisfaction - whether within law or outside of law - but it's also a valuable resource for anyone trying to understand himself or herself better.

In doing the Happiness Project, I've been repeatedly struck by how hard it is to "Be Gretchen." It's oddly difficult even to appreciate my own interests. I have to remind myself of one of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: just because something is fun for someone else, doesn't mean it's fun for me - and vice versa. (See left column for all the Secrets of Adulthood.)

I've noticed that people often assume that everyone enjoys the same activities that they enjoy, because they believe those activities are inherently enjoyable - e.g., they enjoy arranging flowers because arranging flowers is just a fun thing to do. No! Not

I've read a lot of advice about how to spark creativity. Everyone's creativity takes a different form, however, so the advice that works varies a lot from person to person.

For example, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be efficient and productive. One of my struggles is to allow myself to spend time on activities that don't pay off in some direct way. Creativity often involves play, digression, exploration, experimentation, and failed attempts; it doesn't always look productive.

These are the strategies that work best for me:

1. Taking notes. I have a compulsion to take notes as I read. I write down quotations and bits of information that catch my interest. In fact, all my book projects have really been ways to justify taking the notes that I most wanted to take. I used to fight the urge to take notes that weren't related to a specific project, but no longer. All this note-taking is time-consuming, but in the end, highly satisfying. Along the same lines, I…

2.

My daughter is fascinated by anything that smacks of paradox. Just yesterday, she noticed that a bank statement that I'd left on the kitchen table had a page that said, "This page intentionally left blank." "Look, Mom!" she said gleefully. "It can't be labeled that it was 'left blank.' It's not blank, it has that notice printed on it!"

As I've worked on my Happiness Project, I've been struck by the paradoxes I kept confronting. The opposite of a great truth is also true. I try to embrace these contradictions:

1. Accept yourself, but expect more of yourself.
2. Keep an empty shelf, and keep a junk drawer.
3. Take yourself less seriously-and take yourself more seriously.
4. Use your time efficiently, yet make time to play, to wander, to read at whim, to fail.
5. Think about yourself so you can forget yourself.
6. The days are long, but the years are short.

Often, the search for happiness means understanding both sides of the contradiction.

Well, no. You can't actually make someone like you. But you can behave in ways that will make it slightly more likely.

We all want to feel that other people enjoy being with us, and that they seek our company. Having close relationships is one of the most meaningful elements to happiness. It's not always easy to make friends, however. To form a friendship, you must like someone -- and you must also be likable.

How can you boost the chances that someone will like you? Here are eight strategies to keep in mind - not ways to manipulate people or to be fake, but to make sure that your desire to be friendly effectively shines through:

1. Smile. Now, this is no shock, but studies do show that the amount of time you smile during a conversation has a direct impact on how friendly you're perceived to be. Also, people mimic the expressions on the faces they see, so if you smile, you're more likely to be smiled at. (Scientists have identified 19 types of smiles, by the way.)

There are four stages of reveling in a moment of happiness, as you:

-- anticipate with pleasure,
-- savor the moment as you experience it,
-- express your happiness to yourself or others, and
-- reflect on a happy memory.

One important way to cultivate #4 is to keep mementos that help you recall happy memories. Here are some tips for using mementos to keep happy memories vivid:

1. Be Selective. Remember, the more mementos you keep, the less meaningful each one will be. Also, the bigger the collection, the more trouble it is to store and to look through. Choose wisely, and get rid of practically all of your potential mementos. When selecting a memento, choose something small and sturdy over something fragile or bulky.

If you frame a wonderful piece of artwork that your son did in kindergarten, you can enjoy it. If you keep every piece of artwork your son did from pre-school through second grade in a huge box in the basement, you'll never look through it.

A few items =

What do you do if you're feeling blue because of the financial crisis? Or if you're just having an extremely lousy day? Here are nine strategies that can boost your mood right now in a happiness emergency. In the next thirty minutes, check off as many of the following items as possible. Each one will lift your spririts, as will the mere fact that you've tackled and achieved some concrete goals; by doing so, you boost your feelings of self-efficacy, which can boost happiness.

1. Boost your energy: stand up and pace while you talk on the phone or, even better, take a brisk ten-minute walk outside. Research shows that when people move faster, their metabolism speeds up, and the activity and sunlight are good for your focus, your mood, and the retention of information. Plus, because of emotional contagion, if you act energetic, you'll help the people around you feel energetic, too.

2. Reach out to friends: make a lunch date or send an email to a friend you haven't seen in a

I love reading lists of happiness tips from days of yore -- for example, Sydney Smith's nineteen tips for cheering yourself up, from two hundred years ago.

Lord Chesterfield, a British statesman and man of letters, was very preoccupied with worldly success. In his Letters, he bombards his son with advice about how to succeed in society. Samuel Johnson remarked that these letters "teach the morals of a w----, and the manners of a dancing master" -- not exactly a rousing endorsement.

Nevertheless, I think Lord Chesterfield has some provocative insights. Here's an assortment of his advice:

1. "Pleasing in company is the only way of being pleased in it yourself."

2. "The very same thing may become either pleasing or offensive, by the manner of saying or doing it."

3. "Even where you are sure, seem rather doubtful; represent, but do not pronounce, and if you would convince others, seem open to conviction yourself."

4. "You will easily discover every man's

Ancient philosophers and scientists agree: strong social ties are the KEY to happiness. You need close, long-term relationships; you need to be able to confide in others; you need to belong; you need to get and give support. Studies show that if you have five or more friends with whom to discuss an important matter you're far more likely to describe yourself as "very happy."

Not only does having strong relationships make it far more likely that you take joy in life, but studies show that it also lengthens life (incredibly, even more than stopping smoking), boosts immunity, and cuts the risk of depression.

"Okay, okay," you're thinking, "I get it -- but it's not that easy to make new friends." Here are some strategies to try, if you're eager to make friends but are finding it tough:

1. Show up. Just as Woody Allen said that "Eighty percent of success is showing up," a big part of friendship is showing up. Whenever you have the chance to see other people, take it. Go to