Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

Okay, it's not really top secret. But I'm convinced that, if followed, this formula will indeed make you happier. Even thought it sounds simplistic, it took me a long time and a lot of research to realize that this was the way to think about happiness.

Here it is: To think about your happiness, you must think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT (or, in fancier language, positive affect, negative affect, and life satisfaction.)

Although you might think that feeling good and feeling bad would operate in a see-saw, in fact, research shows that they are distinct-and so is feeling right.

Studies show that absence of feeling bad doesn't mean that you feel good, and also, you can feel very good and very bad at the same time. And just because you feel good doesn't mean you feel right; sometimes, in fact, you might choose to feel bad in order to feel right.

So to boost your happiness, you have to think about all three elements and figure out how to increase

Some 44% of Americans make New Year's resolutions. I loooooove resolutions and make them constantly - I'm a big believer in the power of small changes to make us happier.

But it can be hard to stick to a resolution. Here are twelve tips for following through on a resolution as the year progresses:

1. Write it down - and be specific. Don't try to "make more friends"; instead, "start a movie group," "remember birthdays," "say hello," "make plans."

2. Review your resolution constantly. If your resolution is buzzing through your head, it's easier to stick to it.

3. Hold yourself accountable. Tell other people about your resolution, join or form a like-minded group, score yourself on a chart -- whatever works for you to make yourself feel accountable for success and failure.

4. Think big. Maybe you need a big change, a big adventure - a trip to a foreign place, a break-up, a move, a new job. Let yourself imagine anything, and plan from there.

5. Think small. Don't

Every couple fights.

Research shows that these conflicts fall into two categories: those that can be solved, like what movie to see on Saturday night, and those that can't be solved, like how to spend money. Unfortunately, almost 70% of conflicts fall into the irresolvable category.

Since we know we're going to fight, it's important to learn to fight right. Studies reveal that how a couple fights matters more to the health of their relationship than how much they fight.

A couple with children has an additional pressure on their fighting style, because they owe it to their kids to maintain a certain level of civility, even if they'd take a no-holds-barred approach in private.

Here are some tips about how to fight right in front of children:

1. Don't get physical -- obviously, not hitting, but also no throwing things, breaking things, or slamming doors.

2. Don't criticize your spouse with sweeping generalizations, like "Your father never thinks about anyone but

I'm a huge fan of Twitter, and last night I was trying to persuade some friends, and later my sister, to give it a try. I think there are many ways in which Twitter can boost your happiness.

As a side note, it's very appropriate to talk about happiness and Twitter, because the blue bird is the symbol for both. In fact, the blue bird on the cover of my soon-to-be-published book bears some resemblance to a few of the Twitter bird-logos.

1. Twitter allows you to pursue your passion - even if only in your imagination. A key to a happier life is to have fun - people who regularly have fun are twenty times as likely to feel happy. As Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi noted in Creativity: "When something strikes a spark of interest, follow it."

But sometimes, you just don't have time to pursue your passion as much as you'd like. Many of my happiness-project resolutions are aimed at helping me make time for my passion. But if you can't find the time, or if you'd like to spend even more

A few months ago, I wrote about the problem of "drift" - the decision you make by not deciding, or by making a decision that unleashes consequences for which you don't take responsibility.

The responses I got - comments on my blog, in my email, and on the Facebook Page - showed me that a lot of people have also suffered from drift.

One of the problems of drift is that we try to deny we're drifting. Take this quiz: how many of these statements apply to you, in your current situation? The more checks you make, the greater your risk for being adrift.

__ I often have the peculiar feeling that I'm living someone else's life.
__ I often think, "This situation can't go on," but then it does go on.
__ I spend a lot of time daydreaming about a completely different life as an escape from what I'm doing now.
__ I find myself getting very angry if someone challenges the values that I think I'm working toward. (E.g., working like crazy as a fifth-year associate at a

If you're like me, you sometimes have trouble remembering people's names, or even how you know them. A few years ago, while at a chaotic birthday party for a three-year-old, I was on the brink of going over to some little kid's father to say, "I think we went to college together." Turns out it was Dylan McDermott!

In ancient Rome, the job of the "nomenclator" was to whisper or announce the names of people as they approached a politician. My husband serves this function for me; he has an uncanny ability to recall names and faces -- people he has met once, years ago, and also famous people. I'll insist I've never met someone before, and he'll say, "Wasn't he in your class in college?" I have no idea how he does it, but I really suffer when I got to social events without him.

So I've developed some strategies for coping with the fact that I'm not able to pull up a person's name right away. Of course, you can always just say politely, "I'm sorry, I don't recall your name," but

I discovered THE KEY to my Happiness Project. What is it? Resolutions. It has been the ability to make and keep my innumerable resolutions that has allowed me make real changes in my life, and therefore in my happiness. (As always, if you'd like to get a copy of my Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just email me at grubin, then the "AT" sign, then gretchenrubin "DOT COM." Just write "resolutions chart" in the subject line).

One resolution that many people make and break is the resolution to EXERCISE. Exercise is a key to good health, and for me, has always been essential to feeling calm and cheerful. In fact, when I'm feeling blue, one of the best ways to shake the mood is to exercise. The Big Man is exactly the same way. On Sunday, he was feeling low, and a trip to the gym chirked him up considerably.

And even if I don't feel better, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing that I exercised.

I'm fascinated by the question of why sometimes people are able to stick

A few days ago, I was extremely upset. It's too complicated to explain the whole situation, but an encounter left me feeling anxious, agitated, under attack, and sad. I did what I could to resolve the situation, but I still felt terrible.

When I have a day like this, I try to make it a Good Bad Day. I take the steps that tend to make me feel better or, if they don't make me feel better, at least give me the kind of day on which I can look back with satisfaction.

To have a Good Bad Day, I made sure to:

1. Exercise. For me, exercise is a key element to managing my moods. It calms me and energizes me at the same time. Its rituals are comforting. It's productive but not intellectually or socially demanding. Also, exercise is so obviously a key to good health that if I manage to exercise, I feel like I'm doing something worthwhile in my day, no matter what else happens.

2. Do something nice for someone else. The first part of the Second Splendid Truth is "One of the best