Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

grahamcrackerhouseGretchenThis weekend, my daughters and I made our graham-cracker houses. As I write about in Happier at Home, every year, instead of traditional gingerbread houses, we make graham cracker houses, which are easier to build and decorate.

Every year-this also seems to be part of the tradition-I almost forget to organize the house-building, until it's almost too late. But we've always managed to do it.

I learned how to make graham-cracker houses when my older daughter was in kindergarten; I was a parent helper when the children made them as part of a unit on "home." (Coincidence? Or not?)

For me, one of the most important aspects of home is the celebration of traditions-like the building of these houses. Family traditions mark time in a happy way and give a sense both of anticipation and continuity. Research shows that traditions, routines, and rituals boost physical and emotional health. And they're fun.

I love graham-cracker houses because they're very festive, they're very

RelationshipChallenge-BlogPhoto (2)For many people, I've noticed, the element of Happier at Home that resonates most is the discussion of relationships.

Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree that a key to happiness-probably the key to happiness-is strong relationships with other people, so while I didn't set out to write a "relationship" book, I'm happy to hear that the book is helping people so much in that area.

We all want a loving, attentive, and engaged atmosphere in our home. And warm relationships will do more than anything to make our home a happy place.

For that reason, in honor of the New Year, I've organized a 21 Day Relationship Challenge.

Here's how it will work. Every morning, for three weeks, you'll get an email with a resolution for you to try at home, as a way to strengthen your bonds with others. They're some of my favorites from Happier at Home, plus a few longtime stalwarts.

In just twenty-one days, you really can take many small steps-without spending much

marciHappiness interview: Marci Alboher.

I'm so excited for my friend Marci Alboher. She has a terrific new book coming out on December 18, The Encore Career Handbook: How to Make a Living and a Difference in the Second Half of Life. It's an excellent guide for people hitting midlife who are wondering what to do next.

In honor of the new book, I'm re-posting her happiness interview from a few years ago. In the time since it ran, Marci has been immersed in the world of "encore careers"-second acts for the greater good. She just wrote a great piece for the New York Times: Switching Careers at Midlife To Make a Difference.

She has so many interesting things to say, especially about the relationship between happiness and work.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?
Marci: Talking a long walk in the early morning hours.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?
That people

Pine tree, the symbol of Christmas. Closeup of branchesThis morning, on my way home from the gym, I walked by a stand selling Christmas trees and holiday greenery (in New York City, these pop up on street corners every December). I loved getting the chance to smell that wonderful fragrance of Christmas tree.

It struck me: I've done a lot of holiday decorating, but we don't have any holiday smells.

Because it's so hard to deal with a real tree in a New York City apartment, and because we always spend a week at my parents' house at Christmas-where my mother puts up the largest and most gorgeous display of holiday decorations you've ever seen-we don't put up a live tree. We use a small grove of tabletop, goose-feather trees to show off our ornaments. I've been collecting one ornament a year since I was a baby, and my girls have, too, so we have quite a few.

But an artificial tree doesn't have a smell.

For Happier at Home, I adopted a resolution that has become one of my very favorite resolutions: Cultivate good smells. I've

holidaytreats2Ah, the holidays. Everywhere you go, you face cookies, candy, booze, and snacks and treats of every kind. While this creates a festive atmosphere, it can also lead to a lot of anxiety and/or guilt in those of us trying to resist temptation.

As you think about how to handle holiday temptations, your strategy may depend on whether you're a moderator or an abstainer when trying to resist temptation.

You're a moderator if you…
- find that occasional indulgence heightens your pleasure - and strengthens your resolve
- get panicky at the thought of "never" getting or doing something

You're an abstainer if you…
- have trouble stopping something once you've started
- aren't tempted by things that you've decided are off-limits
(Of course, in the case of things like nicotine and alcohol, abstention is necessary.)

I'm an abstainer, without a doubt. Like Samuel Johnson, who declined an offer of wine by saying,"Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance

booksstackoneopenBecause nothing boosts happiness more than a great book, I've started a book club (of sorts). Each month, I suggest:

• One outstanding book about happiness.
• One outstanding work of children's or young-adult literature. I have a crazy passion for kidlit.
• One eccentric pick. This is a book that I love, but freely admit may not be for everyone.

I've noticed that many times, when someone describes a book to me, I want to read it less. And often, weirdly, the better a book is, the worse it sounds. So I won't describe these books, but I love all the books I recommend; I've read them at least twice if not many times; and they're widely loved.

I'll post these recommendations here, or to make sure you don't miss them, sign up for the monthly Book Club newsletter.

Shop at the wonderful Brooklyn indie WORD, BN.com, Amazon (I'm an affiliate of all three), or your favorite local bookstore. Or visit the library! Drumroll…

An outstanding book about happiness: Carl Jung's

questionmarkbuttonHere's a question for you.

2013 is almost here (how did that happen, by the way?). If, by the end of 2013, you could magically change one aspect of your life, what would you change? What single thing would add the most to your happiness?

You know my next question.

With that aim in mind, can you come up with concrete, manageable steps that would help you accomplish it?

As I've worked on my happiness projects, I've been surprised to discover how easy it is to be unhappy with some aspect of my life, but somehow never try to do anything about it. And many times, once I tried to do something about it, it wasn't even very hard to improve it.

Also ...

• A friend sent me a link to Camille Sweeney and Josh Gosfield's The Art of Doing--really interesting material there.

• Are you reading Happier at Home or The Happiness Project in a book group? Email me if you'd like the one-page discussion guide. Or if you're reading it in a spirituality

thanksgiving_dinnerHolidays can be tough. Some people love them; some people dread them.

I thought a lot about the holidays as I was writing Happier at Home, because the holiday season tends to be a time when we focus on home. Maybe you're going "home" the way I go home to Kansas City for Christmas-which may be fun for you, or not. Maybe you're deciding how to decorate your home. Maybe you're making an effort to arrange the holidays the way you experienced them as a child-or the opposite. Maybe you're feeling sad, or happy, about whom you will or won't be seeing.

From talking to people, it seems that one of the biggest happiness challenges of the holidays is dealing with difficult relatives. You want to have a nice dinner, but Uncle Bobby makes you crazy. What to do?

1. Ahead of time, spend a few minutes thinking about how you want to behave. If you've had unpleasant experiences in the past, think about why they were unpleasant and what you could do to change the dynamics of the situation.