Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

SanFranciscoApartmentLast week, as part of my book tour, I visited San Francisco. I had a free afternoon, so I walked from my hotel to my old apartment (pictured), where I lived for about a year before I went to law school.

As I walked there, I tried to remember the details of my life in San Francisco. I have no recollection whatsoever of going to a grocery store, or a restaurant, or a book store.

I have odd patches of memory. The big hill I had to climb on my running route, and the bagel store I went every morning, and a long walk that I took with my roommate one day, and the salads we loved so much that we would go to Berkeley to get them.

One of my more poignant Secrets of Adulthood is: Never forget how easy it is to forget.

I wish I could tell my younger self: Make a photo diary before you leave this place! You think you won't forget, but you will! Instead of taking photos of unusual sights, take a photo of the most usual sights. In the future, you'll be a lot more interested in

sunrisewindowsA few days ago, I posted the quiz, Are you an abstainer or a moderator? As one reader pointed out in the comments, the abstainer/moderator split seems related to another tendency, at least in me-that I find it's easier to do something every day than to do it some days. I post to my blog six days a week. I take reading notes every day. I write in my one-sentence journal every day. Many people have told me that they find it easier to exercise when they exercise every day.

If I try to do something four days a week, I spend a lot of time arguing with myself about whether today is the day, or tomorrow, or the next day; did the week start on Sunday or Monday; do I deserve a break, did yesterday "count," etc.

True, if you do something every day, you tend to fall into a routine, and routine has a bad reputation. Novelty and challenge bring happiness, and that people who break their routines, try new things, and go new places are happier, but I think that routine activities also

hand-in-cookie-jarFor the last week and a half, I've been traveling on my book tour for Happier at Home. I love getting the chance to talk to so many people about happiness.

When I gave my talks, the issue of abstainers and moderators came up several times, so I thought it might be helpful to post this quiz yet again. Recognizing this distinction has been one of the most important insights that I've had into my own nature-more helpful, say, than understanding that I'm an under-buyer, not an over-buyer.

When dealing with temptation, I often see the advice, "Be moderate. Don't have ice cream every night, but if you try to deny yourself altogether, you'll fall off the wagon. Allow yourself to have the occasional treat, it will help you stick to your plan."

I've come to believe that this is good advice for some people: the "moderators." They do better when they avoid absolutes and strict rules.

For a long time, I kept trying this strategy of moderation-and failing. Then I read a line from

pride-and-prejudice-photoReading about J. K. Rowling's new book The Casual Vacancy put me in the mood to re-read-for probably the eighth time-Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. Oh, how I love to re-read.

I enjoyed re-reading it tremendously, and I was particularly struck by a passage that I'd never noticed before.

When, after much pride and prejudice, Darcy and Elizabeth agree to be married, Austen writes of the two characters:

One of my Secrets of Adulthood is: Happiness doesn't always make me feel happy. Sometimes, I know that I'm happy, but I wouldn't exactly say that I feel happy.

For instance, many people say that the happiest moments of their lives were when their children were born. I exerienced intense emotion when my daughters were born, but I wouldn't describe it exactly as happy. And yet, I was happy.

heather-kingHappiness interview: Heather King.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Heather King's new book, Shirt of Flame: A Year With Saint Therese of Lisieux. I'm fascinated with anything about St. Therese; she's my spiritual master and I'm always trying to find new material to read, so Heather King's book was just my kind of thing.

I was also very interested to hear what Heather King had to say specifically on the subject of happiness.

What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Prayer. "Simple," yet it requires my whole mind, strength, body, heart, soul. For me, prayer is not so much an activity as a way of being; a stance toward life-and death.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?

That happiness, such as it is, consists in self-forgetting. In having an all-consuming goal that you are never, in this life, going to fully attain. For me, that's getting close to Christ. Writing is my vocation, so

brene_brownLast week, Brené Brown's new book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage To Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Work, Parent, and Lead, hit the shelves. I couldn't wait to read this book, because I'm such a fan of Brené's work (and of Brené herself).

The book fascinated me for many reasons, and I took notes throughout, but one passage particularly stuck with me-on the phenomenon of "numbing."

By numbing, Brené means any activity that we use to numb our feelings so that we don't experience vulnerability-but by numbing ourselves to vulnerability, we also numb ourselves to love, belonging, creativity, and empathy.

I was particularly intrigued by the list of numbing activities. Anything that "takes the edge off" is a numb-inducer. Wine, drugs of all sorts, being "crazy-busy," fantasy football, sugar, email…the list goes on and on.

Brené connects this desire to numb with a feeling of anxiety powered by shame.

HAHwithbirdhouseSheriSilverI have to admit, I love every book I've ever written. A writer friend said to me in a commiserating tone, "Don't you hate looking back at your books? I do!" and I thought, "No, I'm my own biggest fan! I love my books."

But of all my books, Happier at Home is my favorite. It's my best book. It certainly has the best ending I've ever written-and endings are my specialty. I love the ending to this book.

Now, you might think, "I've read The Happiness Project. What else can Gretchen Rubin have to say? Maybe it's just a re-hash." Nope! I thought about this very carefully as I was writing. Even if you've just finished reading The Happiness Project last week, Happier at Home will be fresh-unfamiliar ideas, new information, more stories. Where The Happiness Project goes wide, Happier at Home goes deep. Plus: photos!

Of course, it might be of special interest to anyone particularly interested in "home": college or grad students, recent graduates, empty-nesters, newlyweds, new

New-Year-2012A few times, on Facebook and Google+ and Twitter, I've posed the question: "If you could make significant progress in one area of your life by year's end, what area would you choose?"

I'm always fascinated to read people's answers. There's a wide range, and I haven't actually tallied the responses, but I reckon that the most common areas are:

- lose weight

- stick to an exercise routine

- get more organized, get rid of clutter

- more time for important relationships

- take the next steps on a big project (e.g., finish a manuscript, submit to an agent)

- get more financial control

Sometimes, the act of identifying something as a "top priority" makes it easier to see ways to make that change a top priority. Instead of a bunch of desiderata swirling around in your brain, you see one very clearly.

What would you choose, as your top priority for change by the end of the year? And you can predict my next question. Having identified that area, are there