Blog Posts by Gretchen Rubin

horses-pulling-cartOne obstacle to happiness is feeling resentful when another person won't do his or her share of the work. In Happier at Home, in my description of the three kinds of "happiness leeches," this kind of person is a "slacker."

Resentment comes when you feel angry that you've been treated unfairly. But what is "fair" when deciding who should do what work? As I thought about my own (not infrequent) bouts of resentment, I identified these Six Facts About Shared Work.

Fact 1: Work done by other people sounds easy. How hard can it be to take care of a newborn who sleeps twenty hours a day? How hard can it be to keep track of your billable hours? To travel for one night for business? To get a four-year-old ready for school? To return a few phone calls? To load the dishwasher? To fill out some forms?

Of course, something like "performing open-heart surgery" sounds difficult, but to a very great degree, daily work by other people sounds easy-certainly easier that what we have to

priscillagilmanHappiness interview: Priscilla Gilman.

I've never met Priscilla Gilman in person, but I feel as if I know her, because I read her wonderful memoir, The Anti-Romantic Child: A Memoir of Unexpected Joy. It's an account of her life as a mother during the early childhood of her son Benjamin, who exhibited remarkable precocity in certain ways-which turned out to be signs of a developmental disorder, hyperlexia.

It's a unforgettable, fascinating book. I know that Priscilla has done a lot of thinking about happiness, so I was eager to hear what she had to say.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Priscilla: Meditating. The summer between college and graduate school, I took a class in Transcendental Meditation at the TM center in downtown New York City. I wasn't convinced by the videos of "yogic flying," but I did find the mantra extremely useful. I'd tried various forms of meditation before and my mind tended to wander all over the place,

nurseryschoolOne of my resolutions is to Treat myself like a toddler. I've found that much of the advice aimed at children is just as helpful for me.

For instance, I'm reading Nicole Malenfant's Routines and Transitions: A Guide for Early Childhood Professionals (non sequitur: a surprising name for a childhood expert). She lays out several strategies for teachers to use in establishing routines and transitions for children. I'm going to try to apply them to myself.

Here's a tips list, loosely adapted:

1. Turn routines into games. My evening tidy-up, while not quite a "game," is kind of fun and quite relaxing.
2. Control the level of noise. I'm much calmer when there's no TV or music playing in the background. (Except at night. Weirdly, my husband and I fall asleep to all-news radio.)
3. Organize space so it's attractive, well organized, and well lit. One of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm.
4. Plan times each day for

churchill-inspecting-blitzI live in New York City, and the destruction in this region wrought by Hurricane Sandy is devastating. So many people's homes and neighborhoods and entire towns were destroyed, and many more people can't get basic necessities. It's overwhelming to think about the amount of work that needs to be done to put things right-and to guard against this kind of disaster in the future.

I'm awed by people's resiliency in the face of such circumstances. Watching the news last night reminded me of one of my favorite passages in all literature, from Winston Churchill's history of the Second World War, Their Finest Hour, about the events of 1940.

Churchill recounts a visit he made to a very poor London neighborhood that had just been bombed during the Blitz:

Cheryl-StrayedHappiness interview: Cheryl Strayed.

I wanted to do a happiness interview with Cheryl Strayed after I read her fascinating memoir, Wild: From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail. In her twenties, at a time when she felt as though she had nothing more to lose, Cheryl hiked solo along the Pacific Crest Trail for 1100 miles. She was inexperienced and ill-prepared, but determined to set herself on this adventure.

I love all accounts of happiness projects; Cheryl's undertaking had nothing in common with the kind of things I did for my happiness project, yet I gained a lot from reading about her experiences.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Cheryl: Walking. Doesn't it make everyone happier? I challenge you to walk for twenty minutes and not feel better by the end of it. It's the cheapest, healthiest cure on earth.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?

That we can

Will-SchwalbeHappiness interview: Will Schwalbe.

I met Will Schwalbe a few years ago at a big conference called SXSW. We share an intense passion for reading and writing, and when I heard he'd written a book, The End of Your Life Book Club, I couldn't wait to read it. It's about the books that he and his mother read together during the last two years of her life.

A book like Will's raises many questions about happiness, so I was eager to interview him about his thoughts on the subject.

Gretchen: What's a simple activity that consistently makes you happier?

Will: Reading books makes me happier. Having coffee on Sunday morning with my partner and watching CBS Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood makes me happier. Having a nap makes me happier.

What's something you know now about happiness that you didn't know when you were 18 years old?

It's something I learned from Stumbling on Happiness, a wonderful book by Daniel Gilbert, and it's this: Experiences make me happier than

PlayFamilyHouseornamentI've heard that a lot of people are giving Happier at Home as a gift to someone with a new home-recent grad, new roommate, newlywed, newly divorced, empty nester, downsizer, upsizer, new baby, new city. At times of transition like these, we give special thought to what we want from "home." So, to make such a gift a little more special, I'm creating a card about "Tips for being happy in your new home" that I can sign and mail to anyone who wants it.

Here's what I've written. What should I add?

Remember to take advantage of the features that you drew you to your home. Take time to light a fire in the fireplace, have coffee on the patio, take a bath in the beautiful tub.

Make your bed.

Be a tourist without leaving home. A tourist reads and studies, a tourist shows up, a tourist looks at things with fresh eyes.

Someplace, keep an empty shelf; someplace, keep a junk drawer.

Enjoy the good smells of home. Take a moment to appreciate the fragrance of a grapefruit or

pen-and-paper-writingAssay: One of my Secrets of Adulthood is: People are more alike than we think, and we're less alike than we think.

For instance, for years, I thought that my habit of constant note-taking was quite peculiar. But since I've written about my love of note-taking I've discovered that many people share this passion.

In her essay "On Keeping a Notebook," in Slouching Towards Bethlehem, Joan Didion describes this drive:

She's right to use the word "compulsion." I don't have to push myself to take notes, I have to stop myself from taking too many notes.

I use a very loose method of organization. For my major topics, such as "happiness" or "Churchill," I keep a single, giant, dedicated document. I add all relevant notes there, along with subject tags so that I