Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

Do you ever find yourself checking your ex's Facebook page, or asking mutual friends what's new in your ex's life? You know-the indirect stalking strategy?

Letting go is one of the toughest elements of a breakup. No one likes saying "goodbye," or coming to grips with the fact that they have to move on, or that something didn't succeed.

Here are the reasons (and solutions to those reasons) why it's so hard to let go:

There Is Always Something There To Remind You

Once a person is gone, all you have left are pieces of their memory. This can range from a strand of hair to a ticket stub from a special date, to a song. If you're especially sentimental (weak-minded) like me, you've probably saved many reminders.

Solution: I know it's hard to throw stuff away, but, you can always stow away for later, when you're able to look back fondly at things without all those negative emotions. Put it all in a box under the bed. Go cold turkey on that special song, avoid the cologne

The very first post I ever wrote was about "The New Rich," the woman-attracting machine I wanted to turn myself into. He wouldn't analyze, wait around, or let anything get to him. He'd be smooth.

Well, three years after the fact, it's finally come in to play. It hasn't been through re-invention; it's been a few adjustments I made. Since those adjustments, I've had a little success in attracting women.

One of the toughest things about changing is admitting your own faults. Once I did that, though, I was ready to make some changes.

Here's what I've been doing lately:

Talking Less

I always said I'd do it, and now that I'm doing it I've learned so much. I admit I long to be the center of attention. But I finally realized that women like their share of attention too.

When I try to take over a conversation or a moment, it steals from the woman. Once I took a step back and realized this, I figured out how to temper my conversation.

Now that I don't say so

For a long time, I've written how dating is such a brutal experience. We are judged, dragged through the mud, and hurt in a quest for love (something that many of us don't even know how to get or how it feels).

I told one friend of mine, Jenn, that our 2011 resolution would be: "We will get in to healthy relationships. It's healthy relationships for 2011!"

She responded: "I don't do healthy relationships."

Dating is full of masochists.

Another friend, Anna, friend recently told me she's meeting up with her ex-boyfriend over the holidays.

The scary thing about this meeting is that this guy has dumped my friend four times. So, it doesn't take a genius to figure out how this is going to end up. My friend is intelligent and has plenty of friends. So what would compel her to go right back in to this fire?

I asked her that exact question. Her answer was: "I know it's bad to do this. But I'm a masochist I guess."

But what makes my friend allow herself to be

The beginning stages of a new relationship are the best because it's full of giddiness and no one is sure of what's going to happen. It's that unknown that makes this stage of a relationship exciting.

But this same unknown makes the beginning stages of a relationship scary. That unsure stage is full of questions. And the more I ponder these questions as the relationship continues, the more I begin to freak out. Here are the things that scare me in the beginning of a relationship:

She's Going To Get Bored

There has to be some point along the way where she gets used to it, and the boredom sets in. Can I overcome that?

She'll Think I'm Coming On Too Strong At Some Point

Usually, there's a lot of communication in the beginning. So we text randomness to each other, etc. But sometimes I over-analyze and look at what I'm sending and how often-do I want to send two in a row? Do we have to text every day at first? I don't want her thinking I'm getting too into it too

The most frustrating girl advice is: "act like you don't care."

How (and why) should I act like I don't care about someone that I'm interested in?

I can understand the rationale. I'm attracted to women that are gloriously unavailable.

It is this aloofness that I strive to master. I can't seem to get the mix right: I'm either not aloof enough or (when I try to be aloof) I look uninterested.

In addition to creating "a chase," aloofness creates mystery. The person might wonder, just who is Rich Santos (even though it's clear I'm just a dumb guy who likes the Ravens, Ramen, and chicken tenders...and sleep).

My main weakness is my tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and remain honest with my affection and intentions.

Here are some aloofness tactics I've tried:

Sending Mixed Signals

One moment, I'll be affectionate, totally paying attention to you. The next minute, I'll be a little distant.

Sending mixed signals is a timeless tactic employed by

Despite knowing I should play the field more, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it.

I was recently hanging out with a girl named Pam. I could tell I liked her because I got into a good mood whenever she texted/talked to me.

While I was hanging out with Pam, I went to a party and met a friend of a friend named Nicole. The next day, I found out that Nicole thought I was cute, and I was faced with a quandary...because Nicole was cute too.

To make matters worse, they were complete opposites: Pam was younger, just starting off in the work force, and Nicole was a bit older and she was a lawyer.

So all of my guy friends and even most of my girl friends were telling me to hang out with both women. Essentially they advised me to "see other people."

I've never been comfortable with the idea of "seeing other people."

Here are pros and cons of seeing other people:

CONS

I Feel Guilty

Would Girl #2 be hurt knowing I was out with Girl #1, or vice versa?

To be a successful dater, you must lack remorse-like a serial killer.

I realized recently that I'm not mentally equipped to be a good dater. I think you'll agree with me after you read through my reasons:

I'm Too Sentimental

Certain moments mean a lot to me, but may not mean much at all to a particular girl I'm with.

I Always Want It to Mean Something

"Dating" is about meeting different people and learning what you like and dislike.

But what's the point of going out with someone if it's not going to lead to something-aren't we better off improving ourselves or spending our time helping others versus going out randomly just to date?

I Feel Guilty About Everything

I'm not in the business of hurting people, but the more I date, the more there's a chance someone will get hurt.

Often, someone tries to set me up, or a girl shows she's interested, and I am not interested. Instead of giving it a chance, I shut if off because I don't want to risk

My buddies at work and I formed a boys' club called DWI (Distinguished, Wealthy, Intelligent). It's our spoof on super cultured rich guys that we jokingly strive to be.

Whenever I hear that first verse of Carly Simon's "You're So Vain," I want to be like that guy she's singing about.

She sings "you walked in to the party, like you were walking on to a yacht..." He is rich, cultured, obnoxious, and confident..."and all the girls dream that they'd be his partner..."

Despite my parents' careers as physicians, our household was not highfalutin and full of pictures of foxhunts, or expensive wines-actually my parents prefer box wines.

My sisters and I were part private school preppie-- they excelled in lacrosse, part blue collar (my mom grew up in a blue collar household)-- we loved the Ocean City, MD boardwalk with the horrible funnel cake and make your own T-shirts.

I'm not that cultured, so sometimes I feel like Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman," when I'm around