Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

Baggage is emotional turmoil caused by some issue in someone's past.

Guys are happy to help out their girlfriends with emotional issues. But if the baggage becomes apparent too early in the relationship, then a guy will probably bail. Also, baggage causes people to pressure on or damage a relationship, so it may be doomed from the outset.

I think everyone has some form of baggage. We need to purge that baggage, or manage it, in order for a relationship to work.

Here are some forms of baggage:

Ex-boyfriend Baggage

This is the most common type of baggage I've seen: a woman just can't get over her ex-boyfriend. It's not that I'm being compared to him-I don't even think I get that far. Some women hold on to the idea that the ex may come back into her life. Or they just don't have resolution after the relationship goes sour.

If someone can't come to grips with a relationship's end, they will be unable to function in a new relationship.

I've referred to the "white whale" from Moby

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Photo Credit: Blend Images Photography/Veer.comToday I was thinking about how inexperienced and unadventurous I am in bed. I wish I could be super porno guy, but I just can't - not at this point in my life. Here is the laundry list of things I've never tried in bed:

Video

Most of the time, the girl I'm with is cute enough to be on video, but I would ruin it. Why would I want to see my beer gut on camera over and over again? Plus, doesn't the camera add ten pounds or something? Furthermore, I'd want the movie to be good and I'd want the girl to be having a good time. If I'm anxious performing without a camera, I can only imagine how nervous I'd be with the electronic eye scrutinizing my every move. And one more thing: I tend to lose things. Whether it's a computer file, or a tape, or DVD, if I lost it I'd be in big trouble.

Anything Anal

Sorry folks, but in my world the butt is a one-way street. And the substance that travels that one-way street is one of the most undesirable concoctions known to humankind. I fear STDs as it is,

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A few weeks ago, a friend told me that her married friend was seeing her ex-boyfriend, but there was "nothing physical about it". Considering her husband did not know she was seeing her ex-boyfriend, I still considered it shady. It got me wondering, outside of shacking up with someone else, what constitutes cheating? I always thought: anything you wouldn't want your significant other to catch you doing with someone else was cheating. But that's a little unforgiving. There are a lot of things that could be considered "cheating," but we may not agree on them all.

What is your opinion on the following possibilities:

Porn

I'll be the first to admit that I own so much porn that I have "organizing sessions" where I delete and file it on the computer. Guys are very matter-of-fact about porn, and it's part of our lives before we ever get into a serious relationship.

It becomes an issue when porn becomes a bigger part of someone's sex life than their significant other. An old

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One of my biggest goals in life is to prove my friend Margaret from work wrong, and beat her in every single argument we ever have.

We know so much about one another, it makes it easy for us to pick on each other and find advantages in battle. The sad thing is that when new employees join our group, they always assume: "Either they hate each other, or they are dating."

It's weird that people can find such a fine line between hatred and dating, but I know plenty of couples who enjoy picking on each other in a playful manner.

Then there are real arguments and fights. These are the ones that I wonder about. Is fighting actually healthy for a relationship?

It seems like fights/arguments are just tests along the way for a relationship. Can your relationship get through an argument and become stronger for that argument? Are you both so compatible that you are able to have organized and healthy arguments?

My history of arguments in relationships is not good. Every big

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In that first month of dating, even the coolest guy can only play it so cool. If he's serious, he'll drop hints. Seriousness should not be measured by:

• The amount of money he's spending on you
• The grandeur of the dates
• The frequency of the dates
• The nice things he says

Guys will do just about anything to get lucky. It's hard to remember the simple things that indicate he is serious about you when you're being courted, especially when his game is intoxicating, and he's saying "all the right things."

During the fledgling weeks of dating, if he's doing any of the following, there's a chance that he's serious:

He Calls/Texts at the Right Time

It's good when a guy texts/calls any time, any day. If your call log is peppered with texts/calls between 12 a.m. and 4 a.m., however, you might just be a "booty call." And the subject matter should range from date ideas to insignificant things like the fact that he found a $10 bill on the sidewalk on the way to work.

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What is the purpose of the one-night stand? Does it accomplish anything? I don't condone one-night stands; for me they've led to awkwardness, and self-loathing (of course I'm filled with self loathing without sex in my life, so what's the difference?).

I'm reluctant to accept "I was drunk" as the sole reason for a one night stand. Alcohol contributes to risky behavior or clouds judgment. As a depressant, it also enhances negative emotions. In light of this, there are temporary mindsets we should not mix with alcohol--mindsets that make us more vulnerable and prone to a one night stand.

Here they are:

Lonely Mentality

Sex can seem like a quick fix for loneliness. It's not that we feel validated when we have sex, but it is nice to know that we are attractive. That physical and mental intimacy, while fleeting, is nice in the moment. Unfortunately, though, when that person leaves your life, your loneliness intensifies.

Vengeful Mentality

It's pretty twisted, but sex

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ThinkstockMy friends and I have spent many a long night brainstorming that magic formula of characteristics that drives the ladies wild. It is impossible to know just what the mixture is supposed to be, but is there one characteristic that can work alone to make a guy really attractive?

Here are the characteristics we've come up with:

Sense of Humor

Everyone says how important sense of humor is, and I have learned to look for it in women. I am lucky enough to be able to make women laugh, but I'm still super-single.

Trustworthiness

Trust is the holy grail of a relationship. It takes years to build it, and it is so delicate. There are few things that take so long to attain that can be destroyed so quickly. So a lot of us may finally settle on a very trustworthy person when we finally find that.

Kindness

This seems like a no-brainer, but I've seen plenty of girls stay with guys who don't treat them well. So, I'm thinking that most women look for a nice guy, but the

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Even the "nicest" guy could be after sex. Guys have methods of trying to get laid without committing. These types get what they want and once they are satisfied, they are gone. Deep relationships don't mean much to them.

Many guys use a "clever," sophisticated approach to getting sex. They launch a campaign, paint a picture, put up a facade, whatever you want to call it. It can make it tough for a woman to decipher a guy's intentions.

Here are a few signs that he's only after sex:

He Spends Lots of Money, but Not Much Time

Guys with a lot of money might have an unofficial "sex budget." Showering with gifts, fancy dinners, etc., is a common tactic. But time spent has more substance than money spent. Is the guy spending time with you, or taking time to get to know you?

He Contacts You During "Sex Hours"

"Sex hours" vary by age group and by person. Sex hours are those hours after someone is done having their fun with friends, or finished with work, and they are looking for

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