Blog Posts by Rich Santos, Marie Claire

The first time my friend ever said "I love you" to his girlfriend, he blurted it out during sex. Most guys have it right, though; either they don't think, or they think simply: "Yeah, getting laid is AWESOME." Aside from hoping she enjoys it and wondering she's evaluating my performance, my mind dredges up the following strange things during sex:

How Did I Get Here?

I build a mental bread crumb trail up to the moment of triumph: What did I say/do over the last 24 hours? If I could find common steps between all the times I got laid, I'd have a reliable system.

What if I Miss?

I've wondered, mid-thrust: What if I miss and hit a pelvic bone? I'd sustain major injury to myself and, depending on how hard I thrusted, I might even hurt her!

Ecstasy on the Bottom, Agony on the Top

I'm lazy and out of shape. If I can relax, lay back, and enjoy sex in a given position, it's great. When I'm on top too long, I have that feeling I had in Bikram yoga: "I don't know if I can

My friends, family, and co-workers say I should be more goal-oriented. It is true: I'm a bundle of unorganized energy without much direction.

Actually, my goals are both vague and simple. I live life to fall in love, have fun, and laugh. However, I can't translate these lighthearted goals to sex.

For me, sex is not fun for many reasons. One reason is I pressure myself to bring a woman to orgasm. If I don't bring a woman to orgasm, I feel like I've failed her...especially if we are in a serious relationship and I continuously fail to bring her to orgasm. Striking out on a one-night stand is one thing, but when I'm consistently failing the same girl I care about, it's a major disappointment.

There are a few beliefs about orgasms that make it a pressure cooker:

An Orgasm Is Necessary for Good Sex

Anything less might be fun, but still a failure. How is it fair that a guy gets to have orgasms all the time so easily while women don't have them as often? In my world I'm

They say the "devil is in the details," but the other night, my friend and I were scanning the bar and noticing minor things about women. After reflecting on our observations, I put together four small things that guys notice that they don't often point out to women. Here they are:

Hands

I study a girl's hands pretty intensely. Beautiful hands can portray daintiness and strength at the same time. I notice manicures, and complexion. I imagine what it's like to hold them. I'm not much of a hand-holder, but pretty hands will turn me into one. I even watch how a girl grips things. There are definitely different objects and shapes that look amazing in a girl's hands, such as a wineglass. A wineglass has delicate curves that play off a woman's hands. When I notice fingers that are appealing to me, I imagine how those fingertips would feel.

Hair

I've mentioned hair before, so I wouldn't say it's a "little thing." But hair can do simple things that can evoke powerful

I thought I would outgrow enjoying the thrill of the chase, but I can't get over it.

Most guys go out there with the goal of getting laid.

Lately, all it takes for me to feel total accomplishment is having a girl call me "cute" or "funny." At that point, I can leave the bar, stop by the diner for late-night-eats, and lie down alone knowing that someone out there found me attractive.

I'm sure a lot of you get frustrated that guys seem to lose their passion when they have finally started dating you. Here are some reasons guys love the thrill of the chase:

Laziness

At first glance, chasing does not seem like a lazy activity. But it is. When I'm chasing a girl there is no pressure to succeed. So, when a girl calls me "cute," I can assume my chase is over and I can call it quits. It's lazy to participate in chasing girls, but it's hard to be lazy when you actually date and get into a serious relationship.

The Fantasy Ideal

When I chase a girl, I do so without

I have complained that women rarely enlighten me. I usually meet female versions of "frat boys" or "meatheads." So, what makes someone interesting enough to enlighten men - and thereby turn them on?

You've got a head start if you think differently. I'm tired of hearing the same old thing, meeting women who seem to follow the masses and can't think on their own. Instead, I want to experience how your mind works. I want that amazing mental buzz (similar to the one I get when I laugh with someone) every time we talk - that's the type of thing that keeps me intrigued and attracted to you 'til death do us part.

Here are a few unexpected ways women can enlighten the opposite sex:

1. She Appreciates "Nontraditional" Beauty
I love feedback - the squealing sound produced by guitars held close to amps. Feedback sounds like a rusty door, a dying cat, or a pack of whales crying in the ocean. When I share the ultimate feedback song, Smashing Pumpkins' "Drown," with a girl, she usually refers to

Unfortunately, after a first date, it's rarely as simple as: "I like you, I had fun, let's get together again."

I'm coy after a first date because:

I don't want to look too eager/desperate. I won't ignore my attraction, but I'll at least try to temper it.

I want to look like I have a life. Even though I don't have a life, I might try to look a little aloof.

I'm not sure if you like me. It's scary to take the dive and show I'm interested when I'm not sure if the girl is interested.

Despite attempts to look calm, cool, and collected, there are a number a things I'll do around an initial date that clue you in that I'm interested. Here are a few:

Completing the Date

It may not indicate that you're the apple of my eye, but it does indicate that you're not a total disaster. Most people are courteous enough to do the absolute minimum on a date: finish whatever activity you're doing together and devote sufficient time out of respect for the other person. But some

Over the weekend my friend Lauren shared a few frustrating stories about guys. She told me about a guy who, three dates into their courtship, began pressuring her to have sex with him.

Whenever she declined his offer, his counterargument was:

"Come on, it's not the 1950s anymore."

She was quite exasperated and told me she couldn't figure out guys these days. Neither could I. I have no idea how a guy thinks that a statement like that is acceptable, respectful, or productive.

Four factors that make a guy act this way:

Upbringing. Some guys weren't raised to respect women. They didn't grow up with sisters, or many friends of the opposite gender, and their household (for whatever reason) did not prepare them to have a gentle and selfless approach toward women.

Friends. My friends and I universally don't get laid. Coincidentally, we also don't pressure for sex. For some reason, we all revel in the fact that we fail the majority of time with women, take it with a

Aside from the responsibility aspect, long-term relationships intimidate a lot of men. Personally, I'm not sure if I'm ready for a long term relationship and to give a woman what she desires and deserves.

Relationships evolve, and the evolution of a long-term relationship presents challenges.

Here is a list of things that happen in long-term relationships:

You Get Used To Each Other

Getting used to each other is a good thing overall. You learn how to push each other's buttons appropriately, when to ease up, how to make each other happy. It's the same thing in friendship when you grow from compatible acquaintance to good friend.

It's that right of passage where you're no longer a drinking buddy, but you're expected and allowed to be there for each other at all times.

Once you're used to one another, you've come to grips with each other's annoying quirks. You devise strategies to keep annoyances from being deal breakers, like preparing for mosquitoes at the